From Wounded Warrior to Mentor: Keara Torkelson’s Life After Surviving Fort Hood -45

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Captain Kim [: 00:00:02

On 11/05/2009, Keara Torkelson was preparing to deploy when gunfire shattered the routine at Fort Hood. In a brutal attack that claimed 13 lives and wounded more than 30 others, Keara was twice shot but survived. Today, she's turning pain into purpose, mentoring fellow veterans and advocating for those struggling with PTSD. In this episode, Keara shares her harrowing experience, the long road to healing, and why recognition for wounded warriors still matters. Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries. I'm your host, Captain Kim. Our podcast is where military women speak their truths and share the stories that have shaped their lives. From moments of resilience to hard won triumphs, we hold nothing back.

Captain Kim [: 00:01:03

2024 was a year of incredible milestones for this community. Our voice were heard in over 33 countries around the world, and we ranked in Apple Podcast's top 200 in personal journeys in The United States, a testament to the power of authentic storytelling. Now as we launch season four, we invite you to journey with us once again. This is more than a podcast. This is a movement. Let's break barriers, shatter silence, and amplify the voices of military women everywhere. Thank you for listening, sharing, and making this possible. This is dog tag diaries.

Captain Kim [: 00:01:55

Kira, welcome to Dog Tag Diaries. Thank you for being here.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:02:00

Hi. Thank you for having me.

Captain Kim [: 00:02:02

So you have been through a lot, and so I'm very excited to dive into all of this. But we always love to start and learn about the little Kira, what you were like when you were younger.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:02:14

Yeah. So I was a rambunctious, wild kid, very hyper, very outgoing. And I had some traumatic things happen in my childhood, a couple different things, and I think it ended up pushing me towards joining the military.

Captain Kim [: 00:02:34

Yeah. Where did you grow up?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:02:36

I was born in Kansas City, Missouri, grew up around the metro area, moved to Texas for a little bit, and then back to Kansas where I ended up graduating high school from Olathe South in Kansas. We did move a lot. So my parents got divorced when I was young. I lived with my dad for quite a while, and then some trauma happened, moved with my mom. She got remarried, and then we moved with him quite a bit.

Captain Kim [: 00:03:03

Oh my gosh. Yeah. That's a lot of movement.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:03:05

Yeah. It was a lot, a lot of moving, a lot of different schools. I think I went to 11 different schools.

Captain Kim [: 00:03:12

How was that trying to fit in and be accepted?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:03:16

I think that was really hard. And I think sometimes it's still hard for me today because I find myself being able to blend in anywhere. And that's great for the purpose of blending in, but not when you want to be your true authentic self and, you know, always come back to that center.

Captain Kim [: 00:03:33

I was just going to ask if you ever felt truly accepted being bopped around from place to place, to place, like you said, you go blend in, but did you really ever feel fully accepted?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:03:45

Probably not until I joined the military. Blended in there though, too. And, you know, you almost feel like an imposter going from place to place and blending in. And yeah, I mean, sometimes it's hard for me to even know if I'm my true self myself.

Captain Kim [: 00:04:01

Yeah. We're gonna talk about like the holistic part of it, but that's all part of that red chakra, that root chakra. We'll talk about that as well. But from high school, did you go right into the military or did you go to college first?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:04:16

I went right into the military. I joined right out of high school, right after that summer.

Captain Kim [: 00:04:21

How did you learn about the military? Is your dad or mom?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:04:25

Nope. I do have a cousin, some grandpas in the military. So they came to the school and they set up their table at the lunchroom. And so I had talked to them. And at this point I was into partying a lot. I didn't have a lot of discipline. I'm barely skirting by through high school at as it is. And I'm like, I'm gonna go to KU and I'm gonna be do psychology.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:04:48

But I was like, how are you actually gonna do that? How are you actually gonna have the discipline to wake up and go to class? And so I realized, I was like, I need some discipline and, you know, money for college. I was helping my mom pay bills in high school, so I knew we didn't have money to go to college.

Captain Kim [: 00:05:07

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's not an uncommon story. Right? Like a lot of us look for that because college was so expensive. And like you said, when you're down a path, similar to mine, barely scraping by to graduate high school, You're like, I need like discipline. I need someone to really watch over me and supervise me. And so what better place than the military. And so did you know what you wanted to do?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:05:35

No. I was like, okay, I'm joined the military. I joined the army reserve. So I was like, what can I get that will translate over to civilian life? The recruiter put me in HR, and I was like, okay. Well, that should be easily translatable. There was a sign on bonus. I was like, oh, that's great. So, yeah, let's do it.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:05:54

I did some training with the recruiting office, so I did get some rank going in, which was nice.

Captain Kim [: 00:06:00

Okay. So you went in as what? An E E 3. E 3. Okay. And where did you do your basic and your AIT?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:06:09

Fort Jackson, South Carolina for both.

Captain Kim [: 00:06:12

Oh, well you got not a lot of movement there. You just stayed right now.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:06:18

Just moved down out of the condemned barracks and to some nicer barracks.

Captain Kim [: 00:06:23

Oh, yeah, that's true. And so back then in 02/2009, because I was in a '95, how long was your basic? How many weeks?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:06:32

It was 02/2006 when I joined. And so back then, it was nine weeks. And then I don't even remember now.

Captain Kim [: 00:06:41

Yeah. Almost four years ago, which is crazy to think. Yeah. Well, so you did your basic. You did your AIT, which for the viewers are for your being trained for your job. And then where did you go?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:06:56

So since I was in the reserves, I just got to go back home. My mom had moved from Olathe, Kansas to Missouri when I was gone. So I came back and moved in with her for a little bit. And I was just, I was to square one almost. I'm like, okay, now I need to get a job. Now I need to try to do school and also try to take a break from training and that really hard basic that I just went through.

Captain Kim [: 00:07:23

Yeah. How was that going back home? You do evolve when you go into the military, even though it's really difficult, like basic and learning new skills and all that, but you evolved and grew, and then you get put back in that environment. What did you feel like?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:07:38

Well, I do remember an immense sense of pride coming back and wearing that uniform and just everyone being so nice to you, and they wanna shake your hand and they wanna say thank you. And I was like, wow. People really, really love their veterans, which is a polar opposite to what a lot of Vietnam Veterans experience. So I felt, really an immense amount of pride that I had done it. I was back. I felt really good. And now I just had to figure out what to do with my life.

Captain Kim [: 00:08:08

Yeah. That's the difficult part. Right? Yes. Well, then you got orders in 02/2009 to go to Afghanistan to be deployed. And so let's talk about that. How did you feel? Like, I know we're all like, okay. Yeah. We're gonna we're gonna join the military because we want to support our country, and it does an immense amount of pride wearing that uniform.

Captain Kim [: 00:08:36

But then when you actually get the orders, there are feelings that come with that. Like, what happened? What did you feel inside?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:08:44

I remember we were in Iowa at my husband's grandma's house and I got the email with the orders and I was like, wow, here we go. We're going, I think my orders were to Iraq. We trained with another unit and half of us were gonna go to Iraq and half of us were gonna go to Afghanistan. And I remember just, you know, just feeling so lost. Like, what does this mean? I have a boyfriend. I met my husband. He was from Minnesota, came to Kansas City to watch a baseball game, and I met him. And I had already moved to Minnesota with him.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:09:15

And I was like I kept driving down seven hours, eight hours to go to drill once a month, and then was, like, gonna switch my unit to Minnesota. And then I got deployment orders and I was like, oh, no, I haven't, haven't switched my unit yet. Like, if I would have done that, maybe I would have been deploying. But we went and got married quickly, like most soldiers do. We went to Vegas and got married.

Captain Kim [: 00:09:42

I love this whole love story, meeting at a baseball game and then going to Vegas to get married. Yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:09:49

I was actually his waitress, and then we went to the baseball game. Oh, okay. Wow. It's really sounds like a Midwest love story, though.

Captain Kim [: 00:09:57

I feel like we should have Taylor Swift's love story song playing in the background. Okay. So you get these orders for Afghanistan. And so when you got married and I there had to be lots of discussion around it for both of you. That's just a very scary type of event about to happen.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:10:20

Yeah. You know, we wanted to be committed to each other. So we went and got married. We're like, well, you know, that's we're gonna be in this for the long haul. We might as well. And then it was a lot of like, yes, I have a new husband, but I'm the oldest of seven kids. I had a little brother that was, like, two years old during this time. So and a bunch of little siblings that all I got them the little uniforms from the PX, and they were wearing them.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:10:48

And, like, so wanting to see my family and spend time with them before I went off was a really big deal too. And luckily, my unit was out of Topeka, Kansas, still is out of Topeka, Kansas. But so we came, we did a little bit of training here. So my whole family came to this pikazoo with us before we went to training, and they did give us a lot of time to spend time with our family. And then we hopped on a bus, and we rode the bus to Fort Hood, Texas, now called Fort Cabos.

Captain Kim [: 00:11:19

Yeah. Because now you need to get the readiness training in order to go over to Afghanistan. And so you need medically cleared.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:11:29

And I guess just a little bit prior to that, because that was Halloween, I got to come back and spend time with my family. But just a little bit prior to that, we did have training in California where we did training with rubber bullets, which plays into my story later when this all happened. We did got to Fort Hood where Fort Hood is so big. There's Northside and Southside, and it takes forty five minutes to get from one side to the other. So we had just gotten there, spent the night, and then the next day we got up and went to the other side of Fort Hood for soldier readiness processing, SRP.

Captain Kim [: 00:12:04

Yeah. And so let's talk about that because that was the big day. So approximately one thirteen thirty four hours.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:12:15

Mhmm.

Captain Kim [: 00:12:15

11/05/2009. You're in the room getting ready just for the pre deployment medical checks and, and something really unexpected happened. Like talk us through that day.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:12:28

Yeah. So right before all this happened, we're in rows of chairs. There's like four rows of chairs with 10 chairs in each row. And I'm almost to the front. We're just waiting in line to see a doctor so they can take off your paper and you move on to the next station. It's almost my turn, and this specialist comes up and he tells me and this other female soldier that we need to go down to this other building. And so we go down there, they give us our Jimmy Dean lunch that the army provides, and we bond over this meal and how awful it is. And I get to know her.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:13:01

We're talking to each other because she got pulled from a different unit and put into my unit. So I was getting to know her. She's really important in my story later and still to this day. So when we go back, all those chairs are full. And I'm like, great. Now we're at the back of the line, so far at the back to where she has to go to like overflow seating behind me, behind another cubicle wall. And I go back up to that specialist and I'm like, Hey, like we were next step in line, what's going on? And he's like, I'm just a puppet on the strings. And I'm like, I get it.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:13:35

I'm a specialist too, at the time. But I remember when I was talking to him, seeing someone in the corner and just being like, that's weird. But, again, I'm a specialist, so I went and sat down. I was just reading my book, joking with the guys next to me that had seahorses on their patches with bubbles. I was like, oh, why do we have seahorse patches? Yeah.

Captain Kim [: 00:13:58

But your intuition your intuition kicked in.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:14:01

Yeah. Yeah. And I felt that, and I was just like, what? It did. It felt weird. And I remember that still. I can't really remember his face or what I was seeing, but I remember I remember just that feeling.

Captain Kim [: 00:14:13

A feeling. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:14:15

So I go sit back down. And shortly after that, a man stands up in front of the crowd that I'm in, and he shouts Allah Akbar, and he starts shooting directly into the crowd that I'm in. So pretty instantly, I get shot in the top of my head. I don't know. I just feel like a burning sensation. And I get on the ground and I feel I I touch my head and I see blood. And I almost wanna stand up and be like, hey, time out. Your rubber bullet, like, got me.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:14:43

I'm bleeding.

Captain Kim [: 00:14:45

Like, it's some sort of training exercise or something. Yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:14:47

Yeah. Because you never expect this to happen. None of us have weapons. We don't have our armor on. We have nothing. We're sitting there. I remember seeing just in my mind, all I see is like someone's neck and lots of blood and I'm like, this is real. I have to move.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:15:05

So I called 911. When I grabbed my phone to call 911, all I think about though, is wanting to text everyone in my phone and just say, I love you. Cause I think I'm going to die. And that's all I could think about is just like, I just want to send a mass text. I don't care who gets it. Cause I know the people that I care about will get it. But of course I just called 911. I didn't even talk to them.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:15:25

I just had my phone down by my side. So I don't even know what I was thinking, but I started low crawling on the ground and I turn around and I look and I see him shooting people on the ground and I'm just waiting for him to continue raising his weapon up and shoot me again. I see red and green lasers on the cubicle wall next to me. And then I get up and I see Captain Gaffney charted with a chair. And that gives me the opportunity to get up and run the other way. And captain Gaffney gave his life in that instant. But, I mean, it gave me the opportunity to move out of the way. And when I got to the side of the building, everyone, the side of this room, everyone's like, sit down, sit down.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:16:10

You know, I'm sure I look terrifying. I have blood all over my face and they just want me to sit down and I sit down for a second and I'm like, I can't sit down. I gotta get out of here. Like, you know, you get that fight or flight. You don't know how you're gonna react. We train and train and train. And once that kicks in, your body just kinda does what it does. Yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:16:31

I went around this building and I found my sergeant and he was really tall. I am not very tall. I just grab onto the back of his coat, and I'm just going with him. He's pacing, watching the shooter. And, eventually, he goes out the front door where the shooter originally started shooting from. And I follow him, get out there, and I'm almost like, oh, I start walking. And he's like, what are you doing? Keep running. And I'm like, oh, yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:16:57

Like, this is still really bad. So I grab a captain from behind the car, and we go run behind the conex. We almost run to what I thought was a wooded area. It wasn't. It was like five trees and then a softball field.

Captain Kim [: 00:17:11

You're unfamiliar with this area. You've never been.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:17:15

Yeah. So this SRP Dome is a building there right next to the building I was in. And we go and we're trying to get in there, and the civilians are holding the doors closed because they don't know what's happening. All they're hearing is there's a soldier shooting. And at this point, they're saying there's five shooters. There's two shooters. You know, there's so many rumors already flying around about what's actually happening. And we finally get in there and I take my jacket off because I feel something in my back and another soldier pulls the bullet out of my back.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:17:46

And from there, we're just, I mean, we're all in shock. I see people applying tourniquets and applying pressure and everyone's doing the training that they've learned and worked so hard at. And they're all trying to take care of each other and comforting each other. And that's really the light that I tried to bring after that to, like, the news stations that reached out to me and was just trying to tell them how all the soldiers were reacting and take the limelight off of the shooter. Because he didn't deserve it.

Captain Kim [: 00:18:14

No. And he doesn't. And you're absolutely right because this is like what you've trained for, but like you were gonna be over in Afghanistan. Little do you expect that to be happening at this readiness center where the processing center where you're just getting checked off to be like, yep. You're good to go. Yeah. And so you're all really not in that fun state or that protective state. You're like chilling.

Captain Kim [: 00:18:38

Right? Like making friends. Yeah. Doing all the things. It's not like you're on high alert. You didn't have to be right then and there.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:18:45

Right.

Captain Kim [: 00:18:45

For you to all come together in that, and then like you said, you saw people just saving each other's lives and comforting them. How beautiful was that in such a chaotic, horrible environment?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:18:58

Absolutely. I got put into the ambulance and it started going and then it stopped. And I hear one of my soldiers turn around and say, which way to the hospital? The one that pulled this bullet out of my back had just jumped in the driver's seat and was like, I'm gonna get us out of here.

Captain Kim [: 00:19:15

Yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:19:16

We got to the hospital, and it's mass chaos from there. Had a soldier with me, and we're just sometimes I'm conscious, I'm able to talk. I just kinda get pushed off to the side, which is totally fine because there were people with a lot more severe injuries than mine. So I just wait. I do get some x rays. And during the x-ray, you know, the texts are all just saying all these rumors of what's going on. Like, I heard it was at the movie theater. I heard he went to Burger King.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:19:46

I heard this and I heard that. And we all still have no idea what's happening. So I get treated. A nurse taps me on the head. It's like, you'll be okay. And I'm like, oh, like, what? They didn't end up x raying my head.

Captain Kim [: 00:20:01

So that had to be so frightening because, one, not being medical as well and being like, wait, what the heck is happening? And not understanding you're not even able to comprehend when you're in, like, a fight or flight. All your body all your body and mind is trying to do is get you safe. Right. God. Yes. I had to be so frightening. Yeah. Continue talking us through this.

Captain Kim [: 00:20:26

So yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:20:26

And I'm only 21 years old. So we're at the hospital and a nurse says she needs to wash my hair. So she lays me up on this sink, like, I don't know, like in the bathroom, just at the hospital. And she washes my hair with Johnson and Johnson baby wash with no shampoo. I mean, no conditioner. And my hair is long and it's thick. Like, no brush, nothing. So she just washes my hair, but it ends up getting all matted and gross, and it just added to all the nonsense that I had to deal with.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:21:00

But then they are like, okay. You're cleared. And they put me in a room with some other wounded soldiers. And during the shooting, after she had pulled the bullet out of my back, I called my husband. And my sergeant was like, the only thing you can say is I'm okay. And I was like, I'm okay. And my husband's like, okay. And then my sergeant took my phone.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:21:21

He turned it off, and then he put it in his pocket. So now I don't even have my phone. I can't call any of my family. We get put in this room and there's a landline there. And I have, like, my mom's phone number, my husband, and my grandma's phone number memorized. So I call them and I let them know, and they know that a shooting has happened in Texas, And they have talked to Joe, and they're like, Joe said Kira's okay. And then I get through to someone, and I'm like, actually, I got shot. And they're, like, freaking out.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:21:51

The news is calling my mom, and the news ended up flying my mom, my husband, and my stepdad to Texas, I think, that evening, actually. And then but I didn't get to see them. I got from there, some another soldier was like, I got sleeping pills and pain pills. And I was like, I didn't get anything. So I just go out in the hallway, and I'm like, hey. I just got shot, and I didn't get sleeping pills or pain pills. And they're like, here you go. Just give me all the pills.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:22:19

Yeah. And then they put us in a little Connex at night to sleep on that side of Fort Hood.

Captain Kim [: 00:22:24

And at this time, you still didn't see your mom and your husband or dad, which you probably really want to be comfort. I know you had other soldiers comforting you, but that's your family.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:22:34

Yeah. So they put us in this little I think it was like the Warrior Transition Unit. They just put us there for that night. The next day, they came and got us, and they put us I was returned to duty the next day. Yes. So they I was on light duty and they had me going to this little Seabok where they would unpack and repack the wound on my back every few days. And so I just did that a couple of times for like two weeks. I was back to duty just thinking I'm going to deploy with my unit.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:23:06

Like we're deprocessing my unit, was a combat stress unit. So it was a bunch of psych doctors and mental health professionals. The man who shot me was a psychiatrist. He was gonna deploy with my unit. Yeah. Well, I mean, it is important to know, though, we don't wanna talk a lot about the shooter, but it is important to know that the FBI was tracking him. He had given lots of PowerPoints and lots of signs, and everyone wanted to be politically correct. They didn't wanna offend anyone, so no one spoke up and said anything.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:23:37

Yeah. They were tracking that he was talking to Anwar Al Awlaki, which was our number one terrorist at the time. And this was a terrorist attack. At first, it was labeled workplace violence.

Captain Kim [: 00:23:48

Yeah. That was frustrating. That had to be frustrating because then you weren't then you weren't gonna be getting any of the benefits or treated like you all should have for being in such of a situation.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:24:01

Yeah. So I mean, after this shooting for two weeks, we standing on the tarmac for the horse and pony show, you know, all the bigwigs coming in. And we're standing there at attention though, or at ease for hours on the tarmac. And I'm like, my back hurts. Like, I this is just so crazy. And I still wanna be there for the ceremony and everything honoring the soldiers that did give their lives. So, you know, it was like a double edged sword. And I was like, okay, this is what I'm gonna do.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:24:29

But I'm on all these pain medications. I'm still so confused. I'm having chronic headaches. I'm having back spasms.

Captain Kim [: 00:24:37

And it's a lot to process in such a short period of time.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:24:41

Yes. So two weeks after the shooting, we start that whole process over again. Right? We still got to do all that paperwork again. We have to go back there and do it all over again. So when we're back there, dental tells me all four of my wisdom teeth need to be pulled. I swear they just do this for practice. Another soldier comes and gets me to take me to that appointment. And on the way, we're talking about the shooting, we're talking about what happened and she's like, you're back to duty, you're training what? And I was like, yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:25:14

I mean, I'm deploying with my unit. We're gonna finish what we started. We're in this together. Like, I was very gung ho. I wanted to go on this deployment. I wanted to be with my unit and I get my wisdom teeth pulled, a soldier from my unit comes and gets me. And then a couple days later, she ends up pulling me and puts me in a Warrior Transition Unit. They're telling me the whole time, though, you're just gonna do some appointments.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:25:38

We're gonna get you figured out, and then you can go with your unit. Well, then my unit deploys, and they're like, don't worry. You'll catch up with your unit. And then I'm like, okay. And then they eventually I did not get to catch up with my unit. Around, I guess, four weeks after the shooting, I got to go home on convalescent leave. And when I was there, I kept having pus and just issues with my head. So I went to a civilian doctor.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:26:04

There, the civilian doctor is like, oh, I see something shiny. And she grabs a scalpel and pulls a bullet fragment out of the top of my head. So, yeah, that was wild. I wasn't expecting that to happen. I go back, and I'm just my job at this point is just go to appointments. Ended up spending Christmas at Fort Hood with none of my family. Luckily, there was a lovely lady there from area who is a huge supporter of military who invited me into her home. And had taken my family, and my family sent them presents.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:26:37

And it was very sweet. She included me with her family for Christmas.

Captain Kim [: 00:26:42

Oh.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:26:43

Yeah. By February, I really felt like the army just wanted me off of those deployment orders. You know, I'm a reservist. I'm not deploying. I'm still getting paid, on deployment orders, which you get a little bit more money with that. And I felt like they just wanted me off those orders. So by February, the shooting happened November 5. And by February, they sent me home to just be back as a reserve, just here.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:27:08

Bye. And I'm just so confused. Now I'm home, newly married, really battling PTSD, having these headaches on all these medications that also give you irritability and all these other issues compounded on the PTSD. And I'm just super hypervigilant because, like you said earlier, you don't have to be on alert when you're at home when you're having a good time. But now I feel like I have to be on alert everywhere. Terrified, like, going out to restaurants, and I have to sit facing the door with my back against the wall. Rightfully so. Yeah.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:27:45

Yeah. So by May, they put me back on orders because I just I was not doing good. And they ended up sending me to Fort Riley to my Warrior Transition Unit. And again, I'm just back on those doing just appointments, like your job, you wake up, you go to formation, and then you just get a list of appointments that you have for that day. Then that's just what you do every day.

Captain Kim [: 00:28:09

Were they helping you work through what was all the stuff that was just compounded onto you? I don't I don't feel like I

Keara Torkelson [: 00:28:18

don't feel like it. I felt like I got a lot of pills, pills for this, pills for that, pills to help with what those pills cause.

Captain Kim [: 00:28:26

Yeah. Did you get addicted? Because that's usually right. What happens after starting to take those pills, they make you feel good. It takes away the pain and the anxiety.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:28:36

Yeah, it does. I mean, it almost made me energized too. And, like, I wanted to go out and have fun. And I did when I was at Fort Riley on Wednesdays, they had there's a bar called Coyotes, and they did line dancing lessons. And we went to that with a bunch of soldiers, and that was so much fun. There was a man there, a short old man that wore like a Garth Brooks t shirt, and he flipped me upside down and around and around on that dance floor. And I felt so good just doing that. That was amazing.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:29:08

But then I also remember like being out of these bars and drinking on top of those medications, which I absolutely should not have been doing. And then I'm, like, breaking down and crying because someone in the bar looks like one of the soldiers that was killed. And I'm, like, I think back now, and I'm, like, yeah. You were, like, really going through it, girl.

Captain Kim [: 00:29:29

Yeah. Well, not ever having experienced anything like that. I mean, you don't know what to expect or what to feel, so it would have been helpful to have someone guide you through all of that.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:29:43

Yes. And I mean, we had a little debrief. I just felt like there would have been more being in a combat stress unit. So I don't know. I don't know if I was pulled and I missed some of those or maybe I just don't remember. I don't know. I was on a lot of medication.

Captain Kim [: 00:30:00

So Yeah. But you're doing remarkable now. So let's talk about the transition from that day or those days and then the shooting and then trying to figure out what in the world just happened in my world and being pulled from your unit and then going back to your family who yes. I'm sure they comforted you, but if you haven't been through it, you really don't know what it's like. Now you're turned into a different individual. You're hypervigilant. You're taking medicines. You're relying on alcohol, which so many of us do to kill that pain, but you have been so resilient through all of this.

Captain Kim [: 00:30:37

So let's talk about that journey of coming through the tunnel.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:30:42

That happened in 02/2009. In 2010, I joined Wounded Warrior Project. When I was at the Warrior Transition Unit, I got the backpack from Wounded Warrior Project that had, like, it had some underwear, it had some feminine products, like some shorts, some basket, long basketball shorts, and just some comfort items. And I wore those shorts for forever. Oh my goodness. I, I think I only recently got rid of them. But when I went back home, I'm living in Minnesota. All my family is in Kansas and Missouri.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:31:15

So I have my husband and I have my husband's family, but that's not they're my family, but I was very new to this family still, and they were great. And they also didn't know how to handle me. I remember Joe's aunt Pam sent a book about dealing with PTSD. And at the time, I was, like, really snarky about it, but now I'm like, she was just trying to help. She didn't know how to help either. I joined Wounded Warrior Project and you know, all those issues. I'm hyper vigilant. I don't wanna go out.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:31:45

I'm depressed. I'm just miserable. And I go to a Wounded Warrior Project event. And little by little, going to these events and being around people that do get it, being around those your brothers and sisters and feeling that camaraderie again, that part is just so healing, just being with other veterans. So I just kept doing that. And eventually I got to a place where I could live the Wounded Warrior Project logo, which is a soldier carrying another soldier. So then it was my turn where I could carry. And I still feel like sometimes it goes back and forth.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:32:20

I can always we can switch positions anytime. But when that happened and I was able to go through a leadership training and have that role, that gave me so much purpose and it empowered me so much to want to help veterans. I started getting into essential oils from another friend, and that slowly helped me get off of all the medications. I didn't wanna be on medication. It wasn't helping, first of all. I took all these medications, this one for headaches, this one for migraines, this one because that one can cause migraines, and I still had headaches and still had migraines. So I added in a essential oil. I would just try it first and see if I could add in crowd out the medication.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:33:04

I'm not a doctor. I'm not recommending that to anyone, but it worked for me. And I've been off of medication for over ten years now. I just wanted to help people. I wanted to share my experience on what I did, And that just really gave me purpose again, which is what I needed. You know, healing, going to these appointments can only give you so much purpose. And being able to help and give back to other Veterans, I have found it so much more healing than anything else I've done.

Captain Kim [: 00:33:34

And how are you giving back? I know, but I want the listeners to hear how you're giving back.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:33:39

Yeah. I love to mentor. I've mentored for a couple of different programs, like their PTSD programs. There's one locally called The Battle Within. It's a five day PTSD program. I mentor for Project Odyssey with Windy Boyer Project, which is also a five day, and it's more of an adventure based retreat that helps with SMART goals and such. My husband and I are actually going next week to A Couples Odyssey. He just went through the training so we can mentor together, mentor couples.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:34:12

And he is not a veteran, but he is a family support member and my caregiver. So and, you know, that's not a common dynamic in the military, but it is more more than people think that there are women veterans and male civilians. And I lead a peer support group once a month with Wounded Warrior Project. I lead other events with Wounded Warrior Project, and I'm part of their national campaign team, which is how you found me for this podcast.

Captain Kim [: 00:34:41

You're a speaker. You go around and you talk about what it was about your your experience. So other people can again be like, oh gosh. Yes. I not the exact situation, but similar situations to be like, I'm not alone. I do have someone who understands me and can really see me.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:35:01

Yeah. And that part too is like, sometimes I get in my own head and I'm like, well, why am I speaking? What is this helping? And then someone will come up to me afterwards and they'll be like, that part you talked about about your PTSD and having to parent. Because I also had children after the shooting during this time. And that just adds a whole nother layer. Oh my goodness. And a man coming up to me and being like, that really touched me, and I wanna reach out and get help now too. And I want like, then I'm like, okay. This is what I'm doing it for.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:35:33

Even if it only helps one person when I'm speaking, it's worth it.

Captain Kim [: 00:35:36

Isn't it interesting how we do that to ourselves? And you're not alone because even me and my counterpart, the cofounder of, like, our nonprofit and this podcast, we do the same thing. And we're like, you know, I'm so thankful we have each other because, yeah, sometimes we can get into our own heads and tell these stories and that trauma just comes back and you're like, am I even making a difference? What am I doing here? But those people come up to you and say those things and you're like, oh my gosh. Thank you for the reminder. Like you said, you're helping them and they're helping you. It's like this beautiful circle of life.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:36:12

Yes. It's so powerful too.

Captain Kim [: 00:36:15

It is so powerful. It is. And with more military women joining or more women joining the military, it is so essential that we all understand one another and really, like, find this commonality and just support one another with so much passion. What advice would you give women who are thinking of joining the military or who are in now?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:36:40

So thinking about joining the military, I would for sure recommend it. Even with all the bad things that happened to me in the military, I still love it. I love the sense of camaraderie. I love the discipline. I love the feeling of putting my uniform on and just being part of something bigger than myself. And, yeah, just to support other women in the military. They are not your enemy. They're they're your sisters.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:37:04

And, you know, there's sometimes can be that mentality across the board, not just in the military, but, you know, where women pick on other women. And we're here to build each other up, and there's room for every one of the top, so we can all help each other.

Captain Kim [: 00:37:18

That's such a powerful statement. And I love that. I love that you have that mindset as well. And I just wanted to ask because you were talking about that woman that you bonded over the Jimmy Dean sandwich over. And you said later on, you she would be a part of, of the story. What was her part in the whole thing?

Keara Torkelson [: 00:37:40

Yeah. So she was back further and she actually got shot in her arm. She had stitches all the way up her arm and she got shot in her leg. It went up through her uterus, through her fallopian tubes, and her abdomen. But she was born with her organs on the outside of her body. How they were put back in is probably one of the reasons why she survived. And her and I kept in contact afterwards. She's my son's god mom.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:38:07

She is so great. We talk to each other all the time when we're having especially when we're having hard times, we reach out to each other. We pull each other back out of, out of that muck that we can get in so easily. I've had her come to a few retreats that I've mentored, and now we just need to go on one where I'm not mentoring and we can just be together and experience it together. So we're gonna figure that out soon, because we're due for another trip together.

Captain Kim [: 00:38:35

Oh my gosh. That sounds beautiful. And you know what? I would love to have both of you on dog tag diaries just to, like, talk about the experience and then just how your friendship that friendship work, because that's really important. That support system is really important.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:38:51

Yes. It is.

Captain Kim [: 00:38:52

So let's get that together. That would be really interesting.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:38:56

Yes. She is such a powerful, amazing woman.

Captain Kim [: 00:38:59

And so are you. And thank you so much for taking time for being on Dog Tag Diaries. And I commend Wounded to Warriors as well because they do such a great job at taking in these soldiers and really just, like you said, giving them a purpose and giving them camaraderie that we so need. We're human. We all need to be surrounded by other humans who care about us and love us, and we need to be given a purpose in life. So thank you for being so resilient. Thank you for, like, taking that journey and really just helping other people, other military veterans.

Keara Torkelson [: 00:39:36

Thank you, and thank you for having me on. And thank you for your programs that you're bringing to veterans as well. I think that's amazing. Aw. I hope to experience them sometime and meet you in real life.

Captain Kim [: 00:39:50

Thank you for joining us on this episode of Dog Tag Diaries, where military women speak their truth and share their true stories. Every story told here is a step towards understanding, healing, and connection. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. And remember, your voice matters. Together, we're building a community that empowers, uplifts, and inspires. Stay connected with us. Follow dog tag diaries. Leave a review.

Captain Kim [: 00:40:22

And let's continue to amplify the voices of women warriors around the world. Your voice matters. Share your thoughts and reviews to help us grow, improve, and continue making an impact. Until next time, stay strong, stay true, and keep sharing your story.