Finding Strength: A Veteran's True Story of Pain, Recovery, and Success -16

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Dakota [: 00:00:00

Military life is challenging, and the transition to the civilian world has its own set of problems. Among female veterans, 88% face mental health challenges, and up to 58% have struggled with substance use disorder at some point in their lives.

Kim [: 00:00:16

Join us as we delve into the powerful journey of a military woman who faced the challenges of her husband's deployment of relocation with her toddler and the pressures of furthering her career as a military nurse anesthetist. Discover how she turned to a substance abuse to cope with the overwhelming stress and how she found the strength to overcome her struggles and find a path to healing.

Dakota [: 00:00:40

This is a story of resilience, courage, and ultimately, redemption. Tune in to hear her inspiring story unfold.

Kim [: 00:00:49

Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries, where military women share true stories. We are your hosts, captain Kim

Dakota [: 00:00:56

And captain Dakota. The stories you are about to hear are powerful. We appreciate that you have joined us and are eager to learn more about these experiences and connect with the military women who are willing to share their stories in order to foster community and understanding.

Kim [: 00:01:14

Military women are providing valuable insight into their experiences, struggles, and triumphs. By speaking their truth, they contribute to a deeper understanding of the challenges they face and the resilience they demonstrate.

Dakota [: 00:01:28

We appreciate your decision to join us today to gain insights and knowledge from the experiences of these courageous military women. Thank you for being here.

Kim [: 00:01:45

Hi. Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries. This is captain Kim. And today, we have one of our military women veterans. She will be telling our story of what it was like to be a woman in the military. She gets to speak her truth. Why don't you go ahead and start a little bit about your early years and what you were like?

Guest [: 00:02:03

Sounds great. Thank you for having me today. I'll tell you a little bit about my background. I grew up in a small town in Washington state. I was the youngest of 4 kids. And even though there were military members on my mom's side, I was the first woman in my family to join the military.

Kim [: 00:02:19

Oh, okay.

Guest [: 00:02:21

It was an interesting thing. I was only just as I was preparing today realizing that no one in my family marked that. It was not something that they talked about. And now as I'm thinking about it, how I would have marked that probably for my daughter. Anyway, so I grew up in that small town. I was super driven from a really young age. I graduated high school and college associate's degree at age 18, and then went on to get a bachelor's degree at age 20, and then really continued a progress of lifelong learning. I joined the Army specifically to attend school.

Guest [: 00:02:54

So the Army offers a program in nursing anesthesia. It's called the US army graduate program in anesthesia nursing, and it is considered one of the top schools in the nation for people who wanna be nurse anesthetists.

Kim [: 00:03:06

Totally familiar with that. I was looking into that as well because I don't know if you know this. I didn't know you were a nurse, but I'm a nurse as well. And I was totally looking into that program because, yeah, they say it's the best one in the nation.

Guest [: 00:03:19

Yeah, absolutely. It's phenomenal training, very high quality. And if you're interested, we need to talk afterwards because I could tell you all kinds of things.

Kim [: 00:03:26

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Guest [: 00:03:29

It's a really great program, and I have many friends who are still actively practicing anesthesia for the army, and they love what they do. Oh, I bet. Unfortunately, for me, it was a super stressful time. I joined the army at the same time my husband came on active duty. We've been married for about 8 years, and I had a 2 year old and he deployed. So I went to basic training with my 2 year old, which not very many people do.

Kim [: 00:03:56

No. How does that work? Where did your 2 year old stay?

Guest [: 00:04:01

So the way the anesthesia program works is, as you probably know, anything medical from the army lives out of Fort Sam Houston, usually.

Kim [: 00:04:09

Yes. Mhmm. Bamsey.

Guest [: 00:04:10

Yep. Bamsey. So that's where I went to my officer basic, but the anesthesia program is also housed out of there. So it's basically like a follow on training. So going to basic training and the anesthesia program was like a PCS. I was able to look for my own quarters.

Guest [: 00:04:29

I did not have to live on post. Had a lot more freedom than the typical soldier going through basic training because I was gonna have this follow on assignment at Fort Sam.

Kim [: 00:04:38

Oh, how interesting. I didn't know that with the program. I didn't know you can be that's how you can come into the military.

Guest [: 00:04:45

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I should mention that. I was a direct commission. So I'd already been a practicing nurse for 5, 6 years.

Kim [: 00:04:51

Oh, okay.

Guest [: 00:04:53

Specifically commissioned into the army to attend this program.

Kim [: 00:04:56

Oh, okay. Okay.

Guest [: 00:04:57

It's a little bit different route than a lot of people go through, but it's one that I researched the heck out of and knew was what I wanted to do.

Kim [: 00:05:04

Well, congratulations for getting accepted to that because that is not easy to get accepted too. I don't even know how many get accepted a year.

Guest [: 00:05:13

I don't know what the size of the program is now, but I wouldn't when I went through, I think there was about 50 of us. And Wow. I wanna say that that was the biggest class ever, and that was in 2,012. So I'm not sure if it continued to grow or if the numbers kind of dropped down a little bit. But compared to a civilian program, that's pretty tight knit.

Kim [: 00:05:33

Yeah.

Guest [: 00:05:33

It's not huge. It's definitely a rigorous program that you as you're saying, it's hard to get into.

Kim [: 00:05:40

Yeah. So congratulations. That's huge.

Guest [: 00:05:43

Thank you. It's a long time ago.

Kim [: 00:05:45

Yeah. It's still a win. It's still a win.

Guest [: 00:05:50

Mhmm. I hear that. That is a big part of my story, achievement and making out of it what I can, even if it doesn't look like maybe I thought it would.

Kim [: 00:06:00

Well, yeah. So your husband was deployed. You go to basic training and you take your 2 year old. And how in the world how in the world did that work?

Guest [: 00:06:10

At first, I struggled. I had to I moved to San Antonio from Washington, had to quickly find a place to live, a network who could watch my son just navigate what it's like to join the army at age 30. You know, I wasn't in the greatest shape. I had no idea how to march, all those kinds of things. It was a it's a huge adjustment for me. And quite honestly, I did not adapt well. A big part of going through the anesthesia program is that you have to graduate basic, of course. And while I was in basic training, I fractured my pelvis.

Guest [: 00:06:50

Not an exciting fracture, a stress fracture, just like you get shin splints. If I did that to my pelvis.

Kim [: 00:06:56

How did you do that?

Guest [: 00:06:59

Basically, I was not great at marching. I was striking the ground too hard, and the repeated reverberations gave me fractures on both sides of my pelvis.

Kim [: 00:07:09

Oh my god. How did you present? What was the symptoms?

Guest [: 00:07:14

I had quite a bit of pain like ground glass in my pelvis, and I could not stand on one foot at a time, like to put on a pair of pants and to sit down.

Kim [: 00:07:23

Oh, wow. Okay.

Guest [: 00:07:25

It was odd because I didn't have any direct injury. Like, I didn't fall down. I wasn't you know, I didn't bump into anything.

Kim [: 00:07:31

No hand to hand combat.

Guest [: 00:07:33

Yeah. Yeah. For a while, it was hard to figure out what was going on. So, yeah, as you can imagine, I did a lots of sick call slips because I had to be able to run the 2 mile run and pass it in order to graduate basic and go to my program.

Kim [: 00:07:48

Well yeah. And do your sit ups.

Guest [: 00:07:50

Yeah. It's didn't seem to be too bad. It was the run that I really struggled with.

Kim [: 00:07:54

Okay. Okay.

Guest [: 00:07:55

But yeah. You're right. Sit ups is deaf doing pressure in that same area, but seemed to be the run that was the hardest part.

Kim [: 00:08:02

Okay.

Guest [: 00:08:03

When I think back to that time, it was very hard to be taken seriously. A lot of the health care professionals that I saw basically thought that I was a recruit that was failing to adapt, and they were pretty hard on me. And I didn't cope well. I quickly learned that there's a fair amount of leniency that came with the program that I was going into. And by that, I mean, providers would get frustrated with me, and they would say, well, what do you want me to prescribe for you? And I could tell them, and they would write it for me. So very quickly, I became addicted to prescription medications while I was going to school and going to basic training. It was a very rapid form of relief. And at the time, I had no support network.

Guest [: 00:08:50

My husband was gone. I was starting a graduate program and new to the army. I just did not have coping skills. And so turning to prescription drugs was my answer.

Kim [: 00:09:00

Yeah. And it's quite common. That story is quite common. So I don't want you to think that you did something wrong. I well, I won't get into that whole medical the whole pharma stuff. But, yeah, it's all too common.

Guest [: 00:09:15

It is a common story.

Kim [: 00:09:16

Definitely, it numbs the pain. It numbs what you're in, that environment.

Guest [: 00:09:22

Yeah. Definitely did. It was a warm blanket that made me feel like I could cope with whatever was in front of me.

Kim [: 00:09:28

Yeah. You said that beautifully. It really is the warm blanket.

Guest [: 00:09:31

Mhmm. But not sustainable. Right? That's not something that you can continue to do long term. And I actually, just like I spoke about being fairly driven in high school with painkillers, I also didn't take the slow route. I very quickly graduated from using pills to using IV medications. And you can imagine that training in a nurse anesthesia program where for the listener who doesn't know, you have a cabinet full of drugs behind you of every kind and color to help people not feel pain. That is literally what my job was, is to help others not feel pain.

Kim [: 00:10:05

Easily accessible. Yep.

Guest [: 00:10:07

Yeah. Like, within a foot of me at all times all throughout the day. And that's just not a sustainable way to live. One day at work, feeling absolutely miserable and knowing that I wasn't able to stop on my own, I overdosed.

Kim [: 00:10:21

Wow. Oh my goodness. What did that look like? What happened?

Guest [: 00:10:26

I had just finished a shift in OB where I had been doing epidurals for the day and had overdosed in a bathroom. By the grace of God, a wonderful housekeeper named Maria realized that I had gone into the bathroom and had not come out, as she had alerted some other staff members who were on the floor at the time when they unlocked the the bathroom. And I had passed out. I was on the floor, completely passed out. They roused me. And, Kim, I can't even tell you. When they roused me, I was surrounded by the leaders from my anesthesia program. Many concerned faces.

Guest [: 00:11:02

There was one man in particular I can remember telling me that if I caused any trouble, he would crush me like a fucking hammer. So I was not exactly about to approach him when I knew I was struggling. There was no way.

Kim [: 00:11:16

Yeah. You even were saying that that he routinely told the group Yeah. That he would crush you guys like a fucking hammer if you ever, like, got in trouble or reflected poorly on the program. So how scary was that?

Guest [: 00:11:30

I felt like I had nowhere that I could turn definitely not to the leadership in my immediate program. I felt very much like the stigma of being in substance substance use disorder or having an addiction was not at all something that they would tolerate or have compassion for, especially given, you know, that male leader's verbiage to us as a group. It wasn't specific to drinking or using or anything like that, but I was definitely scared of him.

Kim [: 00:11:59

Oh, yeah. Rightfully so.

Guest [: 00:12:00

Yeah. When I came to the senior leaders from that program, 2 colonels were looking at me with such compassion and care. And that is the turning point for me of when I stopped taking the drugs and started learning what a life of recovery was like. And I cannot tell you it sounds like a lot of my story is recovery oriented, but I want the listener to hear that I got the help I needed from the army. It was terrifying at the time. They sent me to detox for 30 days. I had no idea whether I would get kicked out of the program or not. It was absolutely terrifying, but they did right by me.

Guest [: 00:12:41

And by that, I mean, that they got me the help I needed with no shaming, no judging. Just we understand that you're sick and you need help, and we're absolutely gonna help you get what you need.

Kim [: 00:12:53

Oh, wow. That's beautiful to hear. That's beautiful.

Guest [: 00:12:57

I thought the army would discard me, and they actually took really good care of me. But, you know, doing things like that has consequences. So eventually, I resigned my commission in lieu of elimination, which means they graciously invited me to leave, which when you think about what I could have ended up doing, I could have been in jail, I could have been court martialed, I could have killed myself. All kinds of outcomes could have happened for the reality that I was stealing from the army, stealing from patients, and harming myself. And yet, by being honest about where I was and what I was going through, I was able to receive a discharge that did not completely cripple me for the rest of my life and career, that way beyond what I deserved, so much grace and compassion went into that because they saw that I had worked hard towards recovery.

Kim [: 00:13:46

Yeah. You're motivated no matter what.

Guest [: 00:13:48

Absolutely. If I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it all the way. Yes. All the way. The deputy commander for nursing, the chief nurse of the hospital at the time came to see me, and she said, I'll help you get wherever you wanna go. You wanna leave this hospital and never see these people again? I will help you transfer to whatever duty station you need to get to. If you wanna stay here, I'll make sure you have a job where you can recover and where you can go to whatever meetings you need to go to, and you can continue to get the help that you need. And that was such a pivotal moment for me because she said, this does not define you.

Guest [: 00:14:24

And she gave me a chance to rebuild. Her empowerment and her compassion really changed the trajectory of my life.

Kim [: 00:14:31

Yeah. Talk about that a little more.

Guest [: 00:14:33

I feel like what she offered me was the chance to recover how it was gonna work best for me. Yeah. And the reason that was so impactful for me is that, for me, recovery is trying to live a life of honesty as much as you can. And so I I chose to stay at that hospital, which meant that I saw people in the hallway who knew what happened to me. I interacted with my peers in my program who knew that I had been invited to leave. I saw people every day who knew exactly what I had done, and it helped me because as I became more healed, I was able to look them in the eye. I was able to build new relationships with them. It was such a gift that she gave me in letting me choose because I rebuilt where I was.

Guest [: 00:15:24

It wasn't decided for me, and it was huge. It was a huge thing for me.

Kim [: 00:15:28

Oh, yeah. I have to say that's so brave. And I do have a question because a lot of people would be embarrassed. And then what happens when you're embarrassed? You wanna run from where the situation. And so why did you decide to stay and not go somewhere else?

Guest [: 00:15:47

That's a good question. It was humiliating. You're right. I chose to stay because I knew that I couldn't hide anymore. When I came to in that bathroom and my nursing leaders were looking at me, it was like this huge weight was lifted off me. I didn't have to hide anymore, that I didn't have to be in the shadows. And so continuing at that hospital gave me a chance to learn how to stand tall again. And believe me, some days I absolutely crawl.

Guest [: 00:16:15

There were parts of the hospital that I couldn't even go into because it was so traumatic for me.

Kim [: 00:16:21

Oh, I can only imagine.

Guest [: 00:16:23

I had a a pregnancy while I was rebuilding my life at that hospital, and I actually worked really hard to get transferred out of the facility because I didn't think that I could give birth in the OB suites where I was when I overdosed. Wow. It was a place that I couldn't return to for a very long time.

Kim [: 00:16:43

Well, yeah, that was the turning point. Right? That was devastating.

Guest [: 00:16:47

Yeah. I brought a lot of my pain on myself, and I know a lot of the women in the army, especially those who've suffered, like, military sexual trauma, they didn't bring that on themselves in any way, shape, or form. But I can imagine now what it would be like to go to your place of work or your place of duty every day and just feel like you can't. It's the worst place in the world for you possibly to be because what happened to you there was so traumatic. You can't even fathom continuing to go there day after day. But it started to build a lot of compassion in me for people who suffered. I call it real trauma in the army because I wrap my troubles on myself. You know, I wouldn't get into the world.

Kim [: 00:17:28

You hold yourself very accountable. You do. You hold yourself very accountable. That's a beautiful trait to have.

Guest [: 00:17:35

Thank you.

Kim [: 00:17:35

You're welcome.

Guest [: 00:17:36

Thank you.

Kim [: 00:17:38

Yeah. You said you had a pregnancy while you were there. Where did you give birth then?

Guest [: 00:17:46

I gave birth in a community hospital. At the time, I was stationed I had PCS from San Antonio to El Paso, so I gave birth at a hospital in El Paso, and it was smooth and it was great. And I didn't once feel like anybody was judging me, even though I told them my story the whole way. Like, please don't give me any drugs. I'm in recovery, the whole spiel. But it was, it was a chance to start that new little person's life without me as his mom feeling like he was being born out of a place where I was in such a dark place. That makes sense.

Kim [: 00:18:18

Oh, yeah.

Guest [: 00:18:19

He's dying now. Great kid. He actually just went to El Paso and saw the hospital where he was born. But, yeah, it was a long time ago.

Kim [: 00:18:27

When did you PCS out of Fort Sam?

Guest [: 00:18:31

I had PCS in 2,013. That's just the way that anesthesia program was set up. You did a year of training at Fort Sam, and then you moved to a large, med send in order to continue your training for the next 2 years.

Kim [: 00:18:45

Okay. I'm just trying to put this all together with you worked at Fort Bragg then?

Guest [: 00:18:51

I did. So I continued working for Army Medicine for the next 7 years or so. One of the beautiful things about starting over at the hospital where I was is that I actually left active duty right when that son was born. I think I signed my DD 214 on the 11th January, and he was born on the 21st January. So I had just gotten out. But because I'd rebuilt at that hospital and earned the respect and compassion of the people who were there, I actually had a civilian job waiting for me as soon as I came off maternity leave. That was the same role that I had held as a captain in the argan. Like, talk about God's providence for me that that was just put in the works so that after I was ready to come back from maternity leave, I was able to start working as a nurse, which is a pretty big deal for maintaining your license.

Kim [: 00:19:41

Yeah. I'm very proud of you for doing that.

Guest [: 00:19:44

It's a bumpy road for sure, but it's part of my story. It's just there's no getting around it. But because I stayed in that civilian position in El Paso, I was able to follow my husband as he continued his active duty career. So we PCS ed from El Paso to Fort Bragg. I worked as a civilian nurse there. And then from Fort Bragg to Belgium, where I worked as a civilian nurse during the COVID 19 pandemic. And then at that point, I decided I would kinda change directions and go back to school to get my master's in business.

Kim [: 00:20:18

Wow. What made you wanna go into biz?

Guest [: 00:20:21

Well, you know, if you've ever worked for a government entity, you know that there's significant opportunities, improvements in efficiency and government spending. There's just opportunity for things to be run a little bit differently that I was able to see everywhere. I'm very much oriented towards systems and how things interact together. And I basically got to the point where I knew if I wanted to stay a civilian impacting army medicine, I would need to get a degree that would allow me to do so. Because as you may or may not know, typically, the more senior positions in a hospital setting are reserved for the active duty soldiers as they continue throughout their career. So it's hard to become a civilian leader in an army hospital. It's not impossible, but it's hard. And I thought that having the degree would allow me to do that.

Guest [: 00:21:12

But it turned out when I went to school, it wasn't the thing that continued to peak my interest. I actually got into management consulting, which is, at that time how old was I? I was 37. Most graduate students who go into management consulting are 24, and they definitely do not have 2 kids and an active duty husband. Definitely not. I was a complete outlier. Many of those kids that I worked with who were phenomenal professional people. Like, I should have been a partner in the firm that I was working for, but instead, I came in at, like, a super junior level.

Guest [: 00:21:49

Really interested. I wanted to learn. I wanted to keep growing, and it was, opportunity to get exposed to, like, a ton of different industries all at once.

Kim [: 00:21:59

Yeah. You had a lot of interesting challenges.

Guest [: 00:22:02

And it's self inflicted. Self inflicted.

Kim [: 00:22:05

Yes. Yes.

Guest [: 00:22:06

Yes. And opportunity. Absolutely. I will 100% say that as a female veteran, there is a lot of opportunity to work within recruiting at institutes of higher education, to work with a company, to recruit on a specific track for veterans. And I can say without a doubt that that is how I got into the school and into the roles that I got into, which just like the anesthesia program, were top tier. Like top 10 MBA in the nation. The consulting company that I work for is one of the top 3 in the nation. It just the opportunities that being a female vet afforded to me were not ones that I probably would have been able to pursue had I not had that avenue open to me.

Guest [: 00:22:52

So for listeners, I highly recommend that you use that opportunity because you never know where it might take you. Even if you don't feel comfortable because I did not feel comfortable. I felt like a sham, and, like, I shouldn't be using those resources. But it turned out that having a female veteran's voice was something that companies and schools were actively looking for. And so it was an honor to be able to get in through that route.

Kim [: 00:23:14

Oh, wow. Good advice, and thank you for sharing that.

Guest [: 00:23:17

Yeah. It's a tight knit community for sure. Other vets, whether male or female, they actively wanna see you succeed and will go out of their way to help another vet succeed as they interview or as they recruit. It's definitely the community continues even after you're out.

Kim [: 00:23:33

It is beautiful when you have the veteran community. All you have to say is you are military and it's just like, people just tend to chime together and be like, wow. Like, we all know what we've been through, and we all have our stories. Of course, they're different individualized, but you still have that commonality.

Guest [: 00:23:51

Yeah. Absolutely. And I found as I have continued to try to live in recovery, that connection is the opposite of addiction. And so I have really, especially in the last couple of years, tried to be intentional about seeking out opportunities to be in community. But consulting job that I had Wait.

Kim [: 00:24:11

That was good. Connection is the opposite of addiction.

Guest [: 00:24:15

Yeah. I did not coin that phrase, but

Kim [: 00:24:18

Okay. But, yes, that's an interesting phrase. Yeah. Can you elaborate on that?

Guest [: 00:24:24

Yeah. So the way I think of it is an addiction of any kind can take you to some very dark and lonely places where you think that nobody understands that everybody would judge you or shame you if they knew. And so it just becomes this self fulfilling prophecy where you get deeper and deeper into this black hole that you create for yourself. And the only way to climb out of it, at least for me that I've learned, is to be with other people who understand and have compassion for it. Whether they're part of a recovery community or not, and thinking back to the nurse leaders who've helped me along my career, that taking a step of trust and finding it well met and slowly rebuilding the ability to look someone in the eye or call someone when you're struggling. That only came for me as a result of community. It didn't really matter how much therapy I went to or how much I read about addiction or how many treatment programs I looked into. For me, it was about finding people who accepted me as I was.

Guest [: 00:25:31

So it's really true that connection and community are the opposite of addiction. Oh.

Kim [: 00:25:37

Yeah. I agree with you on that one. Community is key. I feel like we are all put on earth. We are all human, and we need one another.

Guest [: 00:25:45

Mhmm.

Kim [: 00:25:46

We're all in this together. So I I totally agree with you on that. Yeah. I'm glad you have a beautiful community.

Guest [: 00:25:53

Thank you. I think it's important to have community, like, just as you are, like who you are. Yeah. Because that's the thing that lets you step out of the darkness and into the light.

Kim [: 00:26:05

You have such good phrases.

Guest [: 00:26:08

Thank you. You're welcome. So I I considering my story, I left the consulting job because it was killing my chances at community. I traveled 4 days a week to cities all across the US. I was never in the same city twice, and I worked with different team members every 2, 3 months. It became very difficult to get involved in my community, in, you know, sisterhood of women that I could just call up and say, hey, you need to go get groceries? I need groceries too. Okay. Let's go together.

Guest [: 00:26:37

It just made it really difficult to do that kind of thing. So I I chose to leave and to completely rebuild my life into an opportunity to develop more authentic community. It's been hard because that takes time. It doesn't happen overnight. But I have found that it has been my saving grace, the community that I've built over the last year or so when I am struggling. The people I have today in my life are what keeps me from going back to that dark place of struggling with substances.

Kim [: 00:27:12

Yeah. For sure.

Guest [: 00:27:13

Such a gift.

Kim [: 00:27:13

Well, community, right, it's an investment. These people are, like, an investment. So really putting time and effort, you're right. It does take time. But looking at where do you wanna put that effort? Well, if you want that friendship, if you want that community, you really have to invest in it.

Guest [: 00:27:30

Mhmm. Absolutely.

Kim [: 00:27:32

And that means taking time to learn the person, accepting them, like you said, how they are, no judgment.

Guest [: 00:27:40

Yeah.

Kim [: 00:27:40

Yeah. And that takes some energy because we are all a little judgy. And so it it takes when anytime there's that union with someone else, there is a lot of background behind it behind both. We're all products of our environment. So there is a lot of stuff coming in. So you have to have the compassion, the patience, the love, the acceptance for these people. And that it does, it takes energy along with having a job, having kids, having a husband. That's a lot.

Kim [: 00:28:12

So I really give you credit and I hope you give yourself credit as well because that's a beautiful thing. I mean, you're a wife, you're a mom, you're a friend that takes a lot of energy. You're a beautiful human.

Guest [: 00:28:25

Thank you. I'm a work in progress, just like all of us.

Kim [: 00:28:29

Yeah. But you know what? You're so aware too. All the things you're saying, you're so aware. And that's one of the biggest things. I love that you said that community's key or you would be going back into your dark place. It's so easy to fall into that.

Guest [: 00:28:43

Mhmm. No matter what your dark place is.

Kim [: 00:28:46

Yeah. Yeah. And we should celebrate those little wins every day. Just those little things. Instead of the negative talk, just have those little wins. Pat yourself on the back. Yeah.

Guest [: 00:28:56

Get yourself a juice or a donut.

Kim [: 00:28:57

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Celebrate you and celebrate your friends. Yeah. You never know what someone's going through, and those small things that you either say or do for someone can change their trajectory.

Guest [: 00:29:11

Yeah. I a 100%.

Kim [: 00:29:13

Someone might be having a bad day, yeah, and feel like, oh my gosh. I don't wanna be on this earth anymore. All you have to do is go give them a hug or say something kind or, you know, be the person behind you a cup of coffee. The kindness just goes such a long way, and you really can change someone's life just by being kind.

Guest [: 00:29:31

Yeah. Absolutely. And you never know who it's gonna be or what impact your your words will have. I think back to that colonel who told me that my overdose did not define me, and it was probably just a blip in her day. You know? She's probably dealt with that kind of thing a couple of times at least in her career as a nurse, but it meant the world to me.

Kim [: 00:29:50

Meant the world to you. Yeah. And she doesn't even realize how much that impacted you. That's such a good lesson. That's a great lesson. Thank you, whoever that female nurse leader was. So you came out of your job to create community.

Guest [: 00:30:07

So I I have recently taken a position at Old Veterans Affairs Hospital here in the Pacific Northwest. There's a really cool residential program called the domiciliary, which is a mouthful. Believe me. I'm sorry. But it offers the opportunity for veterans who are struggling with PTSD or substance abuse to come in to a residential setting. It's not like inpatient or detox. You have freedom. You can go see friends.

Guest [: 00:30:39

You can have your car. You can have a job. It's very free, but you can get some really focused and targeted interventions for things that you might be struggling with. They also have a program that helps veterans who are facing homelessness get back on their feet. It helps them find jobs, helps them find stable housing.

Kim [: 00:30:57

Oh, wow. Okay. And that's in the north that's just in the northwest?

Guest [: 00:31:02

No. There's domiciliaries all over the US, but the one that I'm a part of is one of the larger ones. There's about 50, 60 beds, I think.

Kim [: 00:31:11

Okay.

Guest [: 00:31:12

Yeah. It's such a cool resource for anybody. And a lot of the resources don't have anything to do with service connection, So you do not necessarily have to be service connected if you're struggling with substance use disorder, for example. You can still get those services without having had a service connection or disability rating that's connected in some way. So in the homelessness program as well, you don't necessarily have to be receiving health care services at the VA to qualify.

Kim [: 00:31:41

Oh, okay. Well, we will put that in the notes, the website.

Guest [: 00:31:44

Yeah.

Kim [: 00:31:44

So people can access that resource.

Guest [: 00:31:47

Yeah. It's amazing.

Kim [: 00:31:48

If they're unfamiliar to it for them.

Guest [: 00:31:51

Especially for the listeners of this podcast, I joined the Dom, as we call it, for a women's residential program, which is new and is gonna be just separate for female veterans in a protected wing away from the other veterans. So there's peace and serenity and opportunities to really heal in a protected environment. It's new. It hasn't really gotten off the ground yet, but other doms across the country are also trying to have women's residential programs. So it's a really cool opportunity, and I'm super excited about it because it's an opportunity to give back to the army when I felt like I took so much from them. I feel like it's really an opportunity to serve alongside people even after they've gotten out because I didn't have the opportunity to do that in active service.

Kim [: 00:32:35

Gosh. I was just gonna say how beautiful that is to circle around. Isn't that amazing? That circle. And now you're helping others, and you're in a place where, like you said, can give back.

Guest [: 00:32:46

You know, it's funny. I thought when I took the job that I was just this perfect fit because I was a female veteran who struggled with substance use and, you know, that this job was tailor made for me. And it is don't get me wrong. I'm really grateful that I'm there. But when I go to work every day, I have to remind myself that most of the people that I interact with need to tell their own stories. They don't necessarily need to hear mine. It's an interesting thing because that's where I feel like the real connection is when I give somebody that I'm talking with or passing meds to or helping wrap up bandage or whatever.

Guest [: 00:33:21

Whatever it is that we do as nurses, it's their opportunity to tell their story, not necessarily my chance to jump in and tell them mine. Even though sometimes it's relevant, but it's so healing to be able to tell your story.

Kim [: 00:33:32

Wow. That's so powerful. And you are right. It is because a lot of people there probably don't feel seen or heard. And for you just to show interest Mhmm. And have them tell their story, like you said, that is so healing when someone just sits you down and says, Hey, how are you? What have you been through? And then for them just to release it is such a beautiful, healing, powerful thing. So thank you for being part of all that.

Guest [: 00:34:01

Oh, it's an honor. Like, absolutely an honor to hear someone else's story. Whatever bits or pieces they choose to share on a given day, it's an honor for sure.

Kim [: 00:34:10

Yeah. Just like it's an honor to hear your story.

Guest [: 00:34:13

Oh, thank you. I think telling it helps me stay sober, quite frankly. It's a great opportunity for me. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. I'm grateful for it.

Kim [: 00:34:22

So I do have a question for you. So you have been through quite a lot, and so you've seen and experienced quite a lot too in the military. What advice would you give to other women joining the military?

Guest [: 00:34:36

So much to say here. Yeah. Oh, I think one of the biggest things for me is to know what you want to get out of the military. There's so many cool opportunities for training or for growth and development that if you think about what it is that you're interested in, they're likely that it's high, but there might be an opportunity for you to get there at some point in your career. I think along those lines, even if you're not a super ambitious or super motivated person, if that's not your thing and you just wanna be a part of a group and serve, which is beautiful, find the female leaders or the women leaders that you really can gravitate towards because there are absolutely people in the ranks who want to see you flourish no matter what it is that your goal is. So find those people and stay close to them. Whether they're your peers or a leader, find them because they can make the huge difference in what your story is.

Kim [: 00:35:36

Oh, yeah. I feel like you can go on for quite a while about it.

Guest [: 00:35:41

I can. Because, I mean, sometimes there are women who are harder on you because they want so much for women in the military to have a good reputation, and so they will push you. And sometimes that's exactly what you need. I mean, I think about myself as a recruit or as a basic trainee who is struggling to run the 2 mile, and I had classmates who came and paced me, who ran alongside me, and they pushed me, but it was in a good way. So I would say gravitate towards those people who want to see you succeed and push you in the right kinds of ways. Yeah. Very important. And sometimes it's time for a change.

Guest [: 00:36:22

Sometimes you serve for however many years it works for you, and then it's time to transition out. When I was getting out of the anesthesia program, I could have fought to stay in. I was doing well in recovery. I could have gone before a board and tried to retain my commission, but I knew that it was time for me to do something else and to pursue a civilian life. And I've seen that with other peers. I I have friends now at this point who are pinning lieutenant colonel and colonel who have spent their lives in the military. But I also have other friends who got out and are doing completely different things today. So as you go along and you think about what your military career might look like, define for yourself when it might be time for a change for sure.

Kim [: 00:37:09

Yeah. That's all great advice for women wanting to join the military or who are still in and just maybe not sure that it's so important, like, to talk to people and to just follow your heart, what you what you feel is going to be the best for you because it is all about you. It is. This life is about knowing what you want and being brave enough to follow them. So agree. Yeah.

Guest [: 00:37:34

Yeah. That's beautiful.

Kim [: 00:37:35

You had such a story of accountability and bravery, and you really touched on recovery. And I feel like your story is just you were so brave to endure all of this. And if anyone needs help or recovery, we will put a link below just so you can access that. And we will also put a link for the dome the mouthful. What is it? Domiciliary I could say. We'll put a link to that as well. So anything else you would like to say?

Guest [: 00:38:14

I think the last thing I would say is if you are in the service or a veteran who is struggling, you don't have to struggle alone. There are people in your community right now who want to help you. You can always call 988 option 1 for any kind of suicide or crisis lifeline that you might need. And asking for help is not a weakness. It's a form of strength. So I think that I would really want our listeners today to know that because they face so many things. There's so many different kinds of bravery that many women have. And asking for help sometimes is one of the hardest, but it is a form of bravery.

Kim [: 00:38:49

It is. And just like you said, what comes out of it is just beautifulness, community.

Guest [: 00:38:54

Mhmm.

Kim [: 00:38:55

And then you start to really see who you are and you get to flourish, and then your story gets to help other women. And it's just so beautiful. It's just about taking that step, which is anything unfamiliar is scary.

Guest [: 00:39:08

The first time.

Kim [: 00:39:09

But I love your story. You help make it less scary. So I hope women really hear this and reach out.

Guest [: 00:39:17

Yeah. Absolutely. Thanks so much for the opportunity.

Kim [: 00:39:20

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for tuning into Dog Tag Diaries. We appreciate your willingness to listen and engage with these stories as we understand the challenge that comes with sharing and hearing them. Your support in witnessing the experience of our military women is invaluable. These stories are meant to inspire and provide meaning, and we hope they can help you find your own voice as well.

Dakota [: 00:39:49

If you or anyone you know are in need of immediate help, call the crisis line by dialing 988, then press 1. There are resources available to help and provide guidance during difficult times. Please visit our website www.reveilleandretreatproject.org to learn more about the Reveille and Retreat Project, including upcoming retreats for military women and resources. The link is in the show notes. We'll be here again next Wednesday. Keep finding the hope, the healing, and the power in community.