Tough Cookies: A Military Soldier's Journey from Curiosity to Courage -15

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Kim [: 00:00:03

Imagine growing up as an army brat, curious and adventurous, only to join the military to escape an abusive marriage and find your own path. Forever and ever as Saint John, the army became both a refuge and a battleground. Murphy faced not just external enemies, but also the harsh realities of being a woman in uniform.

Dakota [: 00:00:23

From forming lifelong friendships in Korea to enduring the heartbreak of her best friend's tragic murder by an ROTC instructor, Eva's story is one of resilience, courage, and the relentless pursuit of healing. Join us as we dive into her incredible journey and the lessons she learned along the way. Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries, where military women share true stories. We are your hosts, captain Kim.

Kim [: 00:00:51

And captain Dakota. The stories you are about to hear are powerful. We appreciate that you have joined us and are eager to learn more about these experiences and connect with the military women who are willing to share their stories in order to foster community and understanding.

Dakota [: 00:01:09

Military women are providing valuable insight into their experiences, struggles, and triumphs. By speaking their truth, they contribute to a deeper understanding of the challenges they face and the resilience they demonstrate.

Kim [: 00:01:23

We appreciate your decision to join us today to gain insights and knowledge from the experiences of these courageous military women. Thank you for being here.

Dakota [: 00:01:40

In this episode, we delve into the life and military career of Eva Nevarez Saint John, who served from 1976 to 1982 in the army and in the army reserves.

Kim [: 00:01:54

She is the author of When Tough Cookies Crumble, a true story of friendship, murder, and healing, a memoir that chronicles her military experiences and the deep friendship that saved her life. She is currently semi retired and living in New Mexico. Welcome. Thank you for joining us.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:02:12

Oh, thanks for having me. I really love your shows.

Kim [: 00:02:15

Well, thank you. We appreciate that.

Dakota [: 00:02:17

Thank you.

Kim [: 00:02:18

So how we'd like to start the show, if you could just tell us a little bit about you as a child and growing up.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:02:25

Okay. Well, I was born in Germany. My mom was German, and my dad was in the military. And, unfortunately, he left came back to the states when I was about 2 months old. So I was in Germany until about 3 when my mom married another soldier, and that's when I came to United States. And he had a military career in the army, so I grew up as an army brat and went back and forth to Germany and lived all over the United States until, I left home about 17 to come to the United States. So as a child, I grew up mostly in the fifties sixties. And in those days, you were allowed to just go outside and do whatever you wanted until the street lights came on.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:03:07

So I had a little bit more of a free and adventurous childhood than most people do today and also loved reading and kind of in my mind exploring and going different places and things like that. So and I enjoyed school also studying and things like that. So that's kind of my childhood.

Dakota [: 00:03:28

Did you know what you wanted to be when you were in school?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:03:32

Well, I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to be a writer. At one point, I thought about going into the military, like going to West Point. I didn't realize women couldn't go to West Point at that point. But later, I decided on becoming a lawyer in high school, and so I kinda stuck with that from that point on.

Kim [: 00:03:51

So what made you join the military?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:03:53

Well, like I said, I went to college about two and a half years into college. I had gotten married after the 1st year, and it was an abusive relationship. So at that point, I decided I had to get away, and I figured the best way to do that was to join the family business and join the army.

Dakota [: 00:04:12

Wow. First of all, I'm sorry, you were in such an abusive relationship. And when you joined the army, how did you feel? Was it everything you thought it was gonna be?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:04:24

Well, of course, my experience with the army was on the outside as a dependent, so I didn't really know what it was like to be a soldier. So that was a little bit of a surprise, you know, going to basic training and becoming I wasn't really an athletic person, so it took a while to be able to do enough push ups and pass all the PT tests and do that physical training. And the whole idea of being in basic training where they kinda tear you down so they can build you back up into a soldier, and that was kind of like a shock to me. I wasn't ready for that. But so that was something I dealt with throughout my career, how to maintain my individuality while at the same time fitting in as a soldier. And originally signed up to be a truck driver, but I had lost my driver's license, so I ended up in admin instead. So that's where I started out, my career in the military as a administrative specialist.

Dakota [: 00:05:21

Do you have a story as to how you lost your driver's license?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:05:26

No. I don't even know how I lost it, but I think it's a good thing that I did.

Dakota [: 00:05:32

Where did you do your basic and your AIT?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:05:35

For Jackson. So, yeah, I should say I joined in, January of 1976. So I guess it turns out I was in the first classes that had to qualify with the m 16 rifle and that kind of thing. So and at the time, of course, we were totally segregated from the men in basic training, and we didn't get, trained with the men until AIT, which was also at Fort Jackson. And then my first, permanent duty assignment was Fort Jackson.

Dakota [: 00:06:04

How many females were in your company?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:06:07

Oh, I don't know. I I have the picture up. I would say maybe 30 or 40. It seems like a lot of people in the picture.

Dakota [: 00:06:16

And how was it to be integrated into a male company?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:06:21

Well, I mean, it seemed normal to me. You know, once we got to AIT and the permanent duty assignment working with men, There weren't a lot of women, but in the field that I was in, I worked in headquarters and administration. It wasn't uncommon to see women there at that point. It was when I went to Korea, we were much more of a minority.

Kim [: 00:06:41

Can you describe to us what Korea was like for you?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:06:45

Oh, Korea. That was quite an adventure. I volunteered to follow-up my boyfriend at the time to go over there, and I was continuing my college education while I was in the army. So when I got to Korea, I was attending school full time as well as working full time. So I was pretty busy most of the time. And then when I split up with my boyfriend, which was about a year after I was there. I had to extend my time there so I complete college, because I graduated that May. And, that's when I got close with my, friend, Janice.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:07:19

But, yeah, Korea was kind of like a culture shock to me. To me, it was kind of like a 3rd world country. I don't know what it's like now, but in 1978, I considered it a 3rd world country. I had lived with my boyfriend off base in the, you know, small community, so I was familiar with that environment. And also we worked in Seoul, so I was familiar with the city. The whole idea of Korean women were very subservient, and that whole culture was very male dominated and which fit in with the the military at the time, the male dominated culture there. And like I said, there were very few American women there at the time. There were no dependents in Korea either.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:08:02

So we did have to face a lot of different kinds of discrimination. I filed some discrimination complaints about the way we were treated, like when we would go to even to our own NCO clubs, which we were members of, and we would always be served last. So if the men came in after us, they got served, and we didn't. And so we would complain about that. Nobody would do anything about it. And there were a lot of they were called, what would they call it? Hostesses or something like that. But they were actually prostitutes, and they would be lining up at the gates, and then they would let them in. Even the people that worked in the clubs would go out and bring them in and bring them in to the clubs.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:08:40

And, I would complain about that, and they wouldn't do anything about that. So, you know, it was always kind of like it didn't really feel welcome even though I worked at a headquarters level and all that, and I got along with the people I worked with. But overall in the culture there between the men, because it seemed like to me all the men had Korean women. There were like I said, there were no wives there or anything. So, they all had Korean women, so they seemed to enjoy the culture and the deference that they received from the Korean women, and they definitely didn't want us interfering with

Dakota [: 00:09:15

that. Yeah. That sounds very unwelcoming.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:09:18

Yeah.

Dakota [: 00:09:20

Yeah. And so you talked about you mentioned your friend Janice. Tell us how that relationship developed.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:09:28

She was assigned as my roommate, so we became friends. She was a couple years younger than me. She had joined the army in 1976 also in the summer, but she joined straight out of high school whereas, like I said, I've been going to college. I'd already been married, so I had more life experience than her. And she was kind of, like, looked up to me like a big sister, did a lot of things I did. I've heard other people say, you know, kinda hanging out with the guys, doing what the guys do. We smoked a lot of weed, drinking at the clubs, partying, you know, disco days. The clubs during the day, the clubs were like, lunch or dinner there.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:10:03

And then at night, it turned into a disco. So, you know, partying and stuff. So she started doing that with me as well. So we were kinda like party girls, especially after I finished college and graduated in May. We just, like, had fun at that point.

Kim [: 00:10:17

Yeah. What an important relationship to have, like, you 2 against, like, that cultural change and then, like, the military culture. It was like you 2 against the world, almost.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:10:29

Yeah. It was a lot. I mean, I had other friends that I'd known Fort Jackson that were in Korea, but they weren't assigned in the same place where I was, so I didn't get to see them very often. So we did get very close. And so when I left in, June of 1978, she still had, like, 9 month well, about 7 months to go on her term. So we started writing each other. We would write diaries. So we decided that instead of writing diaries, we would write our diaries in the form of letters and send them to each other.

Kim [: 00:11:01

Oh, what a great idea.

Dakota [: 00:11:04

Wow. You were really bonded at the soul level because even after you left, you still stayed very connected.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:11:11

Yeah.

Dakota [: 00:11:12

Even though back then, it's snail mail. Right? Like, how long would it take to get the letters back and forth?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:11:18

Yeah. We had to rely on the post office and the military post office at that. So, yeah, it was.

Dakota [: 00:11:25

How long would it take you to get a letter?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:11:27

I don't remember. Probably about a week or so.

Kim [: 00:11:30

So it sounds like you came back from Korea. Where did you go after Korea when you came back?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:11:36

Back to Fort Jackson.

Kim [: 00:11:38

Okay. And then you got out in 1979 of the active ride.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:11:44

Yeah. So Janice came back in, Feb I think it was January of 79. And so we got back together. She was from Miami, so I went down to visit her in by in Miami after she came back from Korea, but then she was assigned at Fort Knox, Kentucky. So she would come see me at Fort Jackson. I saw her in Fort Knox, and then we both got out of the military out of active duty in July of 79. And that time, I had been admitted to law school in Washington DC at George Washington University, so we decided to move there. So we moved there together.

Kim [: 00:12:20

Aw. That's amazing.

Dakota [: 00:12:21

You're having all these wins. You get back with your soul sister. You get accepted into the program for to be a lawyer. That had to make you feel good.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:12:32

Yeah. I feel like I was on the right track, you know, as far as what I wanted to do. Janice wasn't quite as sure what she wanted to do, and we did continue our military careers as in the reserves there. So she became part of a unit, drill sergeant unit, and I became part of a counterintelligence unit. So military intelligence unit.

Kim [: 00:12:55

Wow. So what made you get back into well, get into the reserve after serving your active duty?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:13:01

Well, part of it was money. We still needed to earn a living, you know, and going to school part time. Well, I went to school full time, but the GI Bill had to work part time, take out loans. You know? It was a lot of, it was kind of an expensive school that I went to, and then she started working and also going to school as well.

Kim [: 00:13:22

Okay.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:13:22

But like I said, we kind of enjoyed parts of being in the military. There were pros and cons to it. We enjoyed the camaraderie. We enjoyed the challenges, things like that.

Kim [: 00:13:34

So you're in college, got into law school, and now what's going on? Walk us through, like, what's going on now?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:13:45

Well, now we're living together, and now we're having some more challenges in living together. That's why I might say we're kinda like sisters. You know? Sometimes you get along, sometimes you fight. So that's kind of what was going on with us. So we had challenges sometimes when everything was going smoothly and other times when we would argue or whatever. And so after about a year, we decided to get our own apartments, and then we got along a lot better than after we weren't done because we're anymore. So that was into 1980. Yeah.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:14:19

The fall of 1980 until the summer of 1981. And in the summer of 1981, she decided that she wanted to move. She wasn't really that happy in the DC area. And like I said, growing up in Miami, she liked the beach and the ocean and that kind of lifestyle. And we had gone to Virginia Beach the summer of 1980, then she decided that's where she wanted to relocate to. So in the summer of 1981, she went down there and signed up for school full time at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, Virginia, and she joined the ROTC program there.

Kim [: 00:14:59

So how did you feel about her going leaving and going there?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:15:03

Almost like when your child goes away. Yeah. And that little sister going away. I don't know how is she gonna handle it on her own. She didn't really know anybody there. She didn't have friends there or anything like that. So I was a little bit worried about her, and, unfortunately, my fears were justified to a certain extent. She kinda had a hard time after she moved there, so I don't know how much you want me to get into it.

Dakota [: 00:15:29

Yeah. Can you discuss those events?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:15:32

Yeah. So she went down there, and the first thing she did, she started dating a guy down there. I think he probably was a couple years older than her, but not too much older than her. And he had been in the military and got out on disability. I guess he got injured in a parachute jump or something like that. And so they went out well, she moved down there. It was, like, in July, so they were together maybe about a month, a month and a half, or something like that. And it turned out that he had a wife and kids in New York, which he said he was separated, but he ended up going to visit them and deciding to get back with his wife.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:16:12

And they in the meantime, he had moved in with her, so that was kind of a quick thing that she did. And so when he left her, she was kind of devastated about that.

Dakota [: 00:16:23

And rightfully so.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:16:25

Yeah. So so since and then she didn't really have her everything together because she had to transfer it from the reserve unit she was in to the one down there, so that hadn't quite kicked in. So she didn't have money coming in from that. The school hadn't started yet. She had work study, so she hadn't started working for that yet. Gotten a job as a waitress on the navy base, their clubs that they had there, And she didn't really like that because there was a lot of sexual harassment involved in that. So she didn't really have an she was worried about paying her bills. She would write to me or talk to me on the phone about not being able to eat and things like that.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:17:06

So when she's actually started school that September, she was kind of at her lowest point. So that's how things started out for her down there.

Dakota [: 00:17:15

How are you able to support her during that?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:17:18

Well, I went down there a couple of times. I went down there in early August. My sister was visiting. She came with me. At that time, she was still dating the one guy, Randy. And so I met him and her. And so at that time, she was happy and everything was great. You know? Then the next time I went down to see her was after she had started school, and she was in the ROTC.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:17:41

And I went with them to an orienteering class and met her ROTC instructor at that time. So like I said, she was at her lowest when she started school that 1st week of September, and then she went in to talk to her ROTC instructor. He had told them that if you have any kind of problems, come talk to me. Come to me. So she did, and so she kinda poured her heart out to him with how bad things were for her and everything. And so he kinda took her under his wing at that point. And that's why, like I said, I met him when I went down that second time, which was, in September late September, I believe it was, when I met him as well.

Dakota [: 00:18:25

And what was your feeling towards him?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:18:28

Well, I didn't really trust him because some of the things she had told me about him, I didn't felt like one, he had gotten into a a personal intimate relationship with her right away, so I feel like he was abusing his authority and taking advantage of her. So I wasn't real keen on him. I knew she wasn't gonna really listen to me if she was kind of infatuated with him, so there wasn't too much I could do about it. But I I never did really trust him.

Kim [: 00:18:59

So I imagine that was very difficult for you to walk by.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:19:03

Yeah. Yeah. It was.

Dakota [: 00:19:04

And so did they continue with the relationship?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:19:08

They did. So she kind of backed off on our relationship as far as, like I said, we always wrote each other letters. We told each other everything. We talked on the phone. And that kind of at the end of September and beginning of October, again, everything happened so fast. So over that several weeks, I wasn't hearing that much from her. And I kept asking her, when are you gonna come up here and visit me? You know, I've been down there twice. You know, when are you gonna come up here and visit me and her other friends? And she'd always say, well, I just don't have the money.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:19:39

Maybe next week or whatever. And like I said, she wasn't really telling me a lot of what was going on. She'd say, oh, well, I'm not seeing him as much or whatever or something like that. So then at the end of October, she started writing me again, and then she started telling me things that he was asking her to do and that she was asking her to do and that she was getting concerned. And if anything happened to her, to make sure to have him investigated, she said. So when I got that letter, then I got really concerned. And then after that letter, when she called and talked to me, she told me about even other things that he had asked her to do. He was basically telling her that he was recruiting her for a secret organization, almost like a CIA type of organization or something.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:20:24

And so, you know, I told her it sounded crazy. And an organization like that, if it was legitimate, they wouldn't be doing it this way. You know, this isn't the way they would recruit people. You know? It didn't make any sense. You know? So I was really worried at that point. And that was actually the last time I talked to her, so that was at the end of October.

Dakota [: 00:20:45

And why was that the last time you spoke with her?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:20:48

Well, she disappeared after that. I called her. I I was trying to call her, and I could never get ahold of her. I called her the daytime, at nighttime, then I started calling her job and the ROTC office, and then they said they hadn't seen her since the beginning of November. So, basically, she disappeared in the beginning of November.

Dakota [: 00:21:08

Okay. So you didn't have a feel a good feeling about him when you met him, and then the distance started happening between you and her, and then she disappears. What did you do after that?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:21:21

Well, I went down there when I called, and I couldn't get a hold of her, and everybody said they hadn't seen her since the beginning of November. I just feel like her premonition had come to pass that he was gonna harm her. So I went down there. I went to her apartment. Her cat was outside. I picked up her cat. Then I went to the VA office, and I went to the ROTC office. And, again, they just confirmed what they had told me on the phone.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:21:47

So at that point, I went to the police department and I took the letter that I had from her. And I told the police I wanted to file a missing person report, and they said he had filed one that morning. Yeah.

Kim [: 00:21:59

Oh, please.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:22:01

Coincident. Yeah. Yeah. So I think the only reason he did is because, you know, he knew I was asking questions.

Kim [: 00:22:08

Yeah. Kinda cover his crack.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:22:11

Right. Exactly.

Kim [: 00:22:13

So what happened from that?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:22:16

Oh, well, then that began it began an investigation. There was a female detective who was assigned as the lead detective on the case, and we went to her apartment. You know, that same day when I went to the police, we went to her apartment. And the male detectives, they came up with some theory. Oh, she probably just ran off with some guy, but she had left her purse was there. Her keys were there. Her glasses were there. Everything was there.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:22:43

Nothing was missing. Her car was there. It's just like she was disappeared in thin air. So it took a well, so that was in the middle of November. So over a couple weeks, the female police detective continued to pursue the case, and she believed me. And, also, she had found a a letter in her purse to me that wasn't it was sealed, but it hadn't been mailed yet. And so the letter contained even more information about things that he was asking her to do and that he had taken out some life insurance policies with for her. Well, I guess I don't know.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:23:19

She took him out, but, basically, he's the one that came up with the idea, and he was the beneficiary on the life insurance policies. So like I said, the female detective, believe me, continued to pursue him. The male detectives didn't wanna believe that he did anything, that that he was guilty, that she was we went so far to say, oh, she's making all this up in the letters she's writing and to make him look bad. It was just crazy. So she pursued him, and finally, she found some, really pretty incriminating evidence against him and confronted him. And he ended up committing suicide at that point. So

Kim [: 00:23:58

Wow. I was not expecting that.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:23:59

Gave up the whole book now.

Kim [: 00:24:01

Yeah. Absolutely.

Dakota [: 00:24:04

And there you are with all this trauma and emotion. Unanswered questions.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:24:11

Yeah. So he committed suicide. He didn't tell anybody what happened to her, so there's still the problem. Well, where is she?

Kim [: 00:24:18

Yeah. Did anything else happen after that, like search his property or, like, find anything?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:24:25

Well, the again, the female detective, she continued to pursue the case. She just like we in the military faced a lot of discrimination, she faced a lot of discrimination in the police force. Initially, they didn't wanna allow her to become a police officer. She started out as a secretary, and then she became a dispatcher. And she had to kinda get a lawyer to threaten them to even get them to allow her to apply to be a police officer. But by this time, she was a detective, so she was able to go up higher. But at the same time, she faced the same discrimination from the males all the time. And so they're like, you need to pick up your own new cases.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:25:05

You need to stop following this case. You know? You need to close this case. Just forget about it. They didn't care about the fact that she was still missing or what happened to her. They didn't care. So but she continued to search, and it's so complicated. Like I said, I hate to give away the whole entire but he had a couple other people. He had gotten life insurance policies on as well, and he had a girlfriend, lived across the street from him.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:25:30

And so in the course of interviewing people, the girlfriend's sister, he had gone with the girlfriend's sister and told he told her that he was looking for a site to go camping with his cadets, and he needed her to write down the directions on where he they were going so he could find it again. So they went somewhere. It was, like, about 70 miles away, and she remembered the route. And so and this was early in December, shortly after he committed suicide. And so she showed the detective where she went, and, again, the police refused to search the area. The detective's like, okay. Well, let's search this area if they would refuse to do it. So finally in January, about mid January, when they told her they gave in to her and said, okay.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:26:21

Well, you can search it if it's, like, only volunteers. We're not paying anybody to search it, you know, and all this. And so she somebody said, well, you need to make a map or something. So she went out there to look it over to make a map, and then the next day, she was gonna have these volunteers go with her. And so when she went out, then she saw an impression in the ground that she thought was a grave. And so digging it up, and they found her there. So so that was, January of 1982.

Kim [: 00:26:50

We're like speechless.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:26:52

Right.

Dakota [: 00:26:53

Yeah. Yeah. I can't even imagine how you felt during that time. So much confusion, so much, like Dakota said, unknown. There's your best friend is gone, and she was manipulated. There had to be, like, anger and frustration and sadness. And yeah. Tell me what were all the things that you felt?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:27:17

Oh, yeah. I was like a real mess from the time that she was missing up until the time we found her body. And again, this is my last year of law school. I'm trying to keep it together to graduate and all that. And I was supposed to I had accepted a commission into the navy JAG program, so I was gave up my position in the reserves for that, and, basically, my life started falling apart. You know? And I was using and getting high and everything to try to deal with the emotional trauma and all that. So things just kinda went downhill from there for me. I ended up getting involved with a sociopath myself.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:27:58

Then after I graduated, I I went to Chicago, and this that would be a whole other book that I'm I haven't written. You know? But I kinda just, like, pushed everything down for, like, 40 years, and the detective got ahold of me in 2019 and wanted to write a book about it. And so that's how I ended up writing the book is when she contacted me in 2019, and we started talking about writing the book. And, eventually, I I was able to deal with it, but I had to do so many things to even be able to go there. You know? I had to go to therapy. I went to the VA to get into therapy. I I had to go back into recovery to deal with that aspect of it. So it took me pretty much I started writing in 2019, but then I kinda put it to the side just trying to deal with it emotionally, be able to even address it.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:28:47

And so I really seriously started writing it in, like, 2022. And so, you know, it took me a couple years to finish. I just, published it in the beginning of August. So oh, and, also, I went down in 2021, I went down to get all the records from the detective, and I also contacted her family, her mother, brother, and went down. They lived in North Carolina. Actually, they were able to buy property in North Carolina from they eventually, there was also litigation about the insurance, and so they got most of the insurance or a a settlement. So they didn't give the insurance he had $344,000 of insurance on her for college in 1981. I mean, to me, it's like the insurance companies were just as liable.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:29:36

They should've known something was wrong with that pictures. There was no need for her to have life insurance. She had no children or nothing like that and to make him the beneficiary. So they had bought property in North Carolina, and so I went down there and then we had a memorial because she never had a memorial or anything. You know, after her body was found, her parents just cremated her ashes and just kept her ashes. So that was a good kind of like, part of the healing aspect of it.

Kim [: 00:30:07

Kinda like closure in aspect in which you can get closure, right, in that type of situation?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:30:13

Yeah. And her brother's, partner recently mentioned this the fact and said she could be buried in a military cemetery.

Kim [: 00:30:21

And I

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:30:21

was like, yeah. We never thought of that. I said, yeah. That'd be nice to for her to actually have a final resting place because what happens when her mom passes away or her brother passes away, then then the ashes would just be lost and there would be no record of her, you know? So I think that's something we're gonna work on now is trying to get her buried in a national entrance cemetery so that she'll always have a a legacy there.

Kim [: 00:30:47

Yeah. That's beautiful that you can work towards that for her.

Dakota [: 00:30:51

Yeah. And wow. When you were talking in the beginning, I could just see you as 2 women in the military coming together and all that comradery and love and you being the big sister, but you going on with your story even shows how much more of a bond there was between you.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:31:10

Yeah. I mean, at one point, I was the only one advocating for her. I feel like if I hadn't gone down there, he would have gotten away with murder. Absolutely. If detective Lewis, the female detective, hadn't pursued the case, also he would have gotten away with murder. So it's kind of the team of us together that made sure that at least I consider it poetic justice that he killed himself because you never know what would happen if he went to trial.

Kim [: 00:31:39

Yeah. There could have been other victims also because it sounds like he had other insurance policies out on other Yeah.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:31:45

He was working on other women. So it's kinda I think he just took the first one that he could wrap around his finger the tightest or whatever that he felt like the opportunity or whatever it was that made him do it at that time with Janice.

Kim [: 00:32:02

Yeah. And it sounds like the detective reaching out to you kind of helped you along in your journey as far as healing and getting sober and all of that?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:32:12

Yeah. Otherwise, they would have been made buried, something that you can't deal with.

Kim [: 00:32:17

Yeah. That's hard. Can you imagine? Can you tell the us and everyone listening the title of the book again?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:32:24

It's called When Tough Cookies Crumble, a True Story of Friendship, Murder, and Healing.

Kim [: 00:32:30

I'm looking at the book now, and such a beautiful picture of you 2. So beautiful.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:32:35

Yeah. It it has a lot of pictures. Every chapter starts with pictures. So it is.

Kim [: 00:32:40

That. So where can people get this book?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:32:43

Primarily on Amazon right now. I had a book coach who recommended against going into Ingram, which I wish I had so it would be available in bookstores as well. But, yeah, bookstores, they don't really wanna deal with Amazon. They're the competitor, you know, so I haven't gone there yet, but so it's primarily on Amazon. Yeah.

Dakota [: 00:33:04

So, Eva, through all this experience, what advice would you have for women that are in the military or women thinking of going into the military?

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:33:15

Well, as far as going into the military, I mean, I think it's very important to talk to women that have been in that military before you go in. And, also, of course, my family growing up as an army brat, the only one I branch I thought of was the army. It would have been nice to know a little more about the other branches, and maybe I would have chose a different branch or something. But, also, looking at probably women that have been in have more recent experience because my experience is goes all the way back to the seventies, you know, mid to late seventies, early eighties. And I would like to say I hope it's changed, but I have been reading a lot of memoirs of women in the military. And in a lot of ways, it hasn't changed, especially as far as the sexual harassment, assaults, discrimination, attitudes. Fortunately, there's a lot more women in the military. You know? I think and that's one thing I've been doing as, in marketing the book is reconnecting more with women veterans.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:34:15

And so I think it's really important that women build strong relationships with each other. And like I said, before you go in, ideally, know a little bit of what you're getting into. I wouldn't discourage people and say don't join the military because there's a lot of benefits to it. But I would just say try to go in with your eyes wide open and know what to expect.

Kim [: 00:34:36

Yeah. That's great. Thank you for sharing that with us. And most importantly, thank you for sharing Janice's story with us and everyone that listens and for writing that book and telling her story. And people need to listen and hear her story. Because like you said, things are still happening.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:34:55

Yeah.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:34:57

I think the other part of it is dealing with the whole idea of men as predators. You know? Predators exist in a lot of places, and a lot of times when they're in those positions of authority, their people have a tendency to trust them more than they should. So I think always be aware. And even if somebody's in authority over you, don't be so ready to trust.

Kim [: 00:35:22

Yeah. Absolutely. And it's sad because we're taught that this is your leadership. Follow them. But yeah.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:35:29

But follow your intuition as well because she had it's like she was conflicted. She had intuition that this could be a problem. It could be lying to me. It could be hurt me. But on the other hand, she wanted to believe what he was telling.

Kim [: 00:35:44

Yeah. It kinda sound like she was isolated there. Like, she had you, but you were not close to her, and she was isolated.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:35:51

Yeah. He had told her, don't talk to anybody. Don't tell anybody about this, that kind of thing. And she that's what hurt me a lot. That's, like, as well as we knew each other that you would trust a man you just barely met and not tell me what was really going on.

Kim [: 00:36:05

Yeah. Well, again, thank you for sharing her story and your story.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:36:10

Thanks for having me.

Dakota [: 00:36:11

Yeah. Eva, you are such a kind, strong, resilient woman, and we are so blessed that you came on our show and wanted to do this interview with us. And if we can just take a moment of silence just to honor Janice. Oh, that'd be great. That. Yeah. Thank you. And for everyone out there to honor Eva and Janice, please go ahead and purchase that book and educate yourself on that issue.

Dakota [: 00:36:40

Thank you, Eva.

Eva Nevarez St John [: 00:36:42

No. You're welcome. Thanks for having me.

Dakota [: 00:36:47

Thank you for tuning in to Dog Tag Diaries. We appreciate your willingness to listen and engage with these stories as we understand the challenge that comes with sharing and hearing them. Your support in witnessing the experience of our military women is invaluable. These stories are meant to inspire and provide meaning, and we hope they can help you find your own voice as well.

Dakota [: 00:37:11

If you or anyone you know are in need of immediate help, call the crisis line by dialing 988, then press 1. There are resources available to help and provide guidance during difficult times. Please visit our website, www.reveilleandretreatproject.org, to learn more about the Reveille and Retreat Project, including upcoming retreats for military women and resources. The link is in the show notes. We'll be here again next Wednesday. Keep finding the hope, the healing, and the power in community.