Bravery, Trauma, and Resilience: Actually Finding the Light with Michelle Struemph -20

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Kim [: 00:00:04

After 32 years of military service, Michelle Struemph knows what it means to fight and not just on the battlefield. In this episode, Michelle opens up about her remarkable career in the Army National Guard, the trauma she survived, and how she found the light again.

Dakota [: 00:00:21

From becoming the first female chief warrant officer 5 to advocating for women in the military, her story is one of resilience, courage, and triumph. Tune in for an unforgettable conversation about overcoming darkness and emerging stronger.

Kim [: 00:00:40

Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries, where military women share true stories. We are your hosts, Captain Kim.

Dakota [: 00:00:47

And Captain Dakota. The stories you are about to hear are powerful. We appreciate that you have joined us and are eager to learn more about these experiences and connect with the military women who are willing to share their stories in order to foster community and understanding.

Kim [: 00:01:04

Military women are providing valuable insight into their experiences, struggles, and triumphs. By speaking their truth, they contribute to a deeper understanding of the challenges they face and the resilience they demonstrate.

Dakota [: 00:01:18

We appreciate your decision to join us today to gain insights and knowledge from the experiences of these courageous military women. Thank you for being here.

Kim [: 00:01:35

In this compelling episode, we speak with Michelle Struemph, a retired chief warrant officer 5, who served an incredible 32 years with the Army National Guard. Michelle shares her inspiring story from growing up as an adventurous tomboy to becoming the 1st female to achieve her rank in the Missouri Army National Guard.

Dakota [: 00:01:56

She reflects on her journey overcoming personal and professional challenges, including military sexual trauma and how she found the light through her experiences. Michelle also talks about her new published book, Living with Trauma, Finding the Light Again, and offers invaluable advice for women considering or currently serving in the military. Tune in for an episode filled with courage, wisdom, and the power of perseverance. Well, thank you, Michelle, for joining us. We're excited to have you.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:02:26

I am very excited to be on your podcast, captain Kim and captain Dakota, and it's an honor to be speaking with both of you. So thank you for having me.

Dakota [: 00:02:34

Yeah. Thank you. So we like to start our episode with you talking about your childhood and and what you were like as a child.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:02:48

Well, I was a very adventurous child. I was always undermining my parents and escaping unnoticed to go on my many adventures. And early in my childhood, I really hung out with mostly a pack of boys. And I was the daredevil. I always wanted to prove myself. Like, I would always go first. And needless to say, I was also a frequent flyer in the emergency room, which to my parents dismay. But you know, I just never really I always felt like one of the boys and never had any issues being around boys and, never had I was just kind of fearless, really, and which was dangerous for me, but I had to learn everything the hard way.

Dakota [: 00:03:24

Yeah. Did you have siblings?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:03:26

I did. I had a brother and a sister and I was the oldest and we had a good childhood, but then my parents got divorced when I was around 12, 13 years old. So that was a difficult time in all of our lives. And I think that was the beginning of teaching me some resilience in the face of adversity.

Dakota [: 00:03:47

Yeah.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:03:48

So just going through that piece and then things got a little complicated in my teenage years and joining the military was a great way out and a great escape for me.

Dakota [: 00:04:00

Yeah. And I think that's true for a lot of people. That's why they joined the military. It's kind of escape, you know, the environment that they're in.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:04:08

Yes. And I think it's especially true of a lot of women. It's their only way out of, a toxic environment.

Dakota [: 00:04:14

Yeah. Absolutely. And your father was in the military?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:04:19

Yes. He was air force in the Vietnam war, and he was an aircraft refueler. So my father wasn't around a whole lot growing up because he was always working and going to college full time. And at one point, held like 3 jobs and going to college just to support the family. So we never really saw a whole lot of them. I was children, so that was kinda difficult.

Dakota [: 00:04:41

So you mentioned he was during Vietnam. Correct. And so how did that impact your childhood as far as because we all know about Vietnam and people that have served over there. So how did that impact you and your family? Like, was there any PTSD or anything like that?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:04:58

I think both my parents through some traumas they experienced had a little bit of issues with emotional availability, And I suspect some of that too was from his childhood and also his service in Vietnam, I'm sure.

Kim [: 00:05:12

How did your mom feel about you going into the military?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:05:16

I think she was a little heartbroken at first losing her little girl. And I remember her telling me she went into the laundry room and just cried and cried, and I never even knew this. So it was really hard for her.

Dakota [: 00:05:28

Yeah. I imagine.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:05:29

But my father was all gung ho. You know? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dakota [: 00:05:32

I was gonna ask because he's air force and you're army. So how do you feel about that?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:05:37

Well, actually, a funny story because I was going to Boise State University, and they pulled my Pell Grants because the rules changed. And my father's like, well, let's join the guard together. And he went with me What? To join the guard to try one because he was prior service. And so we both joined together. And then it stuck with me, but maybe wouldn't have joined if it wasn't for him, you know, leading me to go do that for my college education.

Dakota [: 00:06:04

Wow. Yeah. Not a lot of people can say that they joined with their father. That's kinda cool.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:06:08

No. They can't. Yep. Sort of sign the yeah. Sign the dotted lines.

Kim [: 00:06:12

Were you in the same company?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:06:14

No. We were not. No. And then he got out shortly after he didn't say it'd be long. But it definitely stuck with me. And honestly, like, I got to work at it was called the military education facility at the time, and I got to be a part of the OCS, the officer candidate school training. And it was so exciting for me because I thought, oh my gosh, this is I fit right in because back to my tomboy self, they would let me participate in the rappelling, river crossings, all the activities I got to participate in. And so that was very exciting for me.

Dakota [: 00:06:47

That's awesome.

Kim [: 00:06:48

So what was the job that you went in with?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:06:51

It's called SIDPERS, System Information Division Personnel System. So it was the system that the military used to house all of our data. And believe me, when I started, it was the old data cards and the ginormous computer systems. And it has changed dramatically from when I began. But it was good for me too, because I'm kind of a data geek. I love data. I love working with data, proving points with data. I mean, the data typically doesn't lie.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:07:20

So it's like a giant puzzle.

Dakota [: 00:07:23

Yeah. Sounds like the perfect job for you.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:07:26

It was great. Yeah. I really did not mind it. I once I learned how to all the different things I could do with the data, helping with some of our mobilization processes, building charts, which later systems overtook what I had built, but it was so helpful in the beginning of the process.

Dakota [: 00:07:46

Yeah. I imagine. So can you tell us more about your military career? So you did OCS, and then you retired as a chief warrant?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:07:54

Actually, well, I started out enlisted. Okay. And with college credits, I started out as, like, a e 3, e 2. I don't even remember what I started as. Private.

Kim [: 00:08:01

And where did you go to basic? Like, give us all the details. Paint the picture. Oh gosh.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:08:09

So I started I was supposed to go to Fort Dix, New Jersey. And in the process, something was going on. They were moving everything to Fort Jackson, South Carolina. So then they bust me from Fort Dix, New Jersey, all the way to Fort Dix. And I remember somebody on that bus had like a heart attack and the ambulance has had to come. And I remember thinking, oh my god, what have I gotten myself into?

Kim [: 00:08:33

Were they all younger soldiers?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:08:36

It was a mixture on the bus, you know, civilians, soldiers. Yeah. It was just a commercial bus that they put us on. So it was yeah. And then it was off to Fort Jackson, South Carolina, which I'm sure many people have experienced basic training there.

Dakota [: 00:08:53

Yep. And they're done that.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:08:54

On the old hay hill, which was, infested with cockroaches and pretty nasty. They actually tore it all down not very long after I left.

Dakota [: 00:09:04

And so you did basic at Fort Jackson. And then where'd you go to advanced individual training?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:09:12

That was Fort Benjamin Harrison, Indianapolis, Indiana.

Dakota [: 00:09:16

Wow. I don't think I've ever heard of that one.

Kim [: 00:09:19

I haven't either.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:09:20

Wow. That's where all the admin people went. Okay. Yeah. And that was an awakening because, you know, we were segregated, males and females, in basic training. And then you go into all together at AIT. And some of them are going a little crazy with the integration. And so it was kind of an eye opener for me.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:09:42

Yeah. But I enjoyed it. I've always enjoyed the military schools, really, except for I did go to a warrant officer candidate school to become a warrant officer at Fort Rucker, Alabama. That one was, not fun at all.

Kim [: 00:09:54

So can you explain what a chief foreign officer is to some the listeners?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:10:00

Yes. So a warrant officer is really your stability and continuity in the military where the technical experts you have the aviators, but you also have, the technical experts on, like, the personnel side or in IT. And we're there because commissioned officers, you know, the o grades, typically, they move every 2 to 3 years in their assignments, and they're, like, only so deep in a broad range of subjects. Well, the warrant officer is very deep in, you know, particularly one area. So and they typically stay a little bit longer in their assignments because like I said, they are there for the stability and continuity of the force. Everybody else moves a lot but the warrant officer.

Kim [: 00:10:41

And what was your specialty?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:10:43

So I was a 420 alpha, which is basically like a personnel human resources technician.

Dakota [: 00:10:49

That's great. Definitely need those.

Kim [: 00:10:52

And just so everybody knows, chief foreign officers are rare.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:10:57

They are very rare. Like, some people would look at me and they didn't even know what I was.

Kim [: 00:11:01

Yeah. In the service. 3 to 4%, and you were the first female. Is that correct?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:11:07

The Missouri Army National Guard, I was the 1st female chief warrant officer of 5 and the 1st female and only female to date to serve in the state command chief warrant officer position for the state which oversaw couple 100 warrant officers throughout the state through training, promotions, education, all that.

Kim [: 00:11:26

And, Michelle, let's go back because you served on the Hyatt unit echelon level. You became chief warrant officer.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:11:35

Right. They call you a unicorn. Yes. Because one little tiny bar.

Kim [: 00:11:40

Congratulations. What an accomplishment.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:11:44

Yeah. It was thank you.

Dakota [: 00:11:46

Yeah. How was that for you?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:11:48

Well, I talk a lot about that in my book. Prior to that position, I had served in SIDPERS and was really respected for my technical expertise. I was actually the head of a committee that represented a 7 state region at the national level. And then moving, I was also involved heavily prior to that in sports in the military and was really applauded for my athletic achievements. But then leadership changed, everything changed, and I was no longer allowed to participate in that. And that was really tough.

Kim [: 00:12:20

Talk about that because that's a huge accomplishment too. You were a biathlon women's mentorship council for the Missouri Army National Guard. Are you an athlete?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:12:32

Well correct. So I started off with, biathlon, always an avid runner, an avid cyclist. And biathlon is the sport of cross country skiing, and you carry the rifle on your back, usually a 22 on shoots rifle. And then you ski so many kilometers, your 5 metal targets, and then you ski so many kilometers, and you'll shoot prone standing, prone standing. After skiing so many kilometers. They say it's like threading the eye of a needle.

Kim [: 00:12:59

Wait. Do you have to, like, discharge your skis then before you discharge your weapon?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:13:04

No. No. No. No. You come into the range. I don't know if you've ever seen the sport's really popular in Europe and Canada, but it's starting to take hold in the US. But, basically, you have a a method where you get take the straps off your ski poles, and then you find your shooting position. You flip up your dust cover on your rifle, then you pull it off and you plop down on the ground and you wanna do all this and shoot preferably within, like, 30 seconds and get out of there.

Dakota [: 00:13:32

Yeah. Sounds intense.

Kim [: 00:13:33

Okay. So your breath work and your trigger finger must be amazing.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:13:38

Yeah. Really work on that. Really work on that. And you really have to get into a methodic tempo. And then there's always the ranges where they have an uphill climb to get into it. And you're like, oh, my God, is this some sick joke? Like, really? You prefer the ones with a little downhill so you just can kinda coast and get your breathing under control?

Dakota [: 00:13:58

I bet. Wow. That's amazing. How'd you get into that?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:14:01

Well, I downhill skied in, growing up in Idaho.

Dakota [: 00:14:05

Oh, okay.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:14:05

So and I love downhill skiing. And then it was actually the coach of the biathlon team with the Missouri Guard that noticed me out running all the time, noticed my high PT scores. I was like, hey, would you like to join, you know, our biathlon team? And so I started doing it and I fell in love with it, especially the trips to West Yellowstone, Montana. Love that place where we would train every year. So I really fell in love with the sport. Wow. I talk about that in my book as well. And then I made the AllGuard biathlon team, which is, national level.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:14:35

And that was really exciting. The first, national level. And that was really exciting. The first person from the Missouri National Guard to ever make that team. So that was really Breaking all sorts of barriers and yeah.

Kim [: 00:14:44

How many women made the team?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:14:50

Well, at the on our state team, we had a couple come and go, females. And not too long ago, we actually had our first other female guardsmen make that all guard team. But typically, it's mostly men. Most of what I do is mostly men. It's yeah. But I didn't mind that because it was just like growing up. It was like the tomboy thing, and they were my brothers in arms, and we were a team. And I was very respected for my athletic abilities, and they watched out for each other, really.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:15:22

So now it was just a glorious time in my career. And then I also made the pentathlon team, and that was really exciting. I traveled internationally a lot with that team. And again, it was that camaraderie. We watched out for one another.

Dakota [: 00:15:35

Can you say that word again, pent up?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:15:38

Pentathlon. So this it was it's referred to as CIR. It's also in my book. It's, like the Confederation Internationale Organization Reserves. So you have to have been commissioned. You have to be an officer commissioned in the reserves to be eligible for the team. And then when I was doing it, the tryouts were at Fort Sam Houston, Texas. So every year you go down and you try out for the team and then so it consisted of a land obstacle course.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:16:06

And I don't know if either one of you have ever been to Fort Sam Houston and saw that obstacle course. Yes.

Kim [: 00:16:12

I was medical. All medical go to Fort Sam.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:16:16

That's what I thought. Yeah. So he did that. And then there was always shooting the host country's rifle and pistol. And let me tell you, some of those would, like, break we literally had a female get her cheekbone broke because the kick was so strong on their rifle. So you do the shooting pistol and rifle. You do a swimming obstacle course in the host country's uniform. So when you're a very small little 5 foot 3 female, and you get some guy's uniform to swim in with the sleeves way down, it was very challenging.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:16:49

And then you do an orienteering, which is, you know, like land navigation map reading.

Dakota [: 00:16:55

Yeah. Wow.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:16:56

So it was very exciting and got to do a lot of traveling with that team.

Dakota [: 00:17:00

Yeah. That's awesome.

Kim [: 00:17:02

It sounds exciting. What countries did you go to?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:17:06

Went to France, the Netherlands, Germany, Spain, and then went stateside.

Kim [: 00:17:12

Oh, wow. You were on this team for quite a while.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:17:15

5 years. Yeah. And then new leadership came in and that's the story of my book. This, particular colonel decided to end my competitive career, and I was actually online to go to the Olympic trials for the 2002 Olympics, and then that was taken away from me. I ended up getting served in Olive Branch to go as a the assistant director of the biathlon venue, but that got really ugly. Literally, the governor got involved and but I didn't get to go as an athlete. I still participated. It was an honor to be a part of that, but it was also very hard for me.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:17:51

It was bittersweet because, you know, ideally, you wanna be an athlete, And I was also a forerunner. And that's you go out and you kind of do the course beforehand before the athletes to make sure the course is safe, groomed, all that.

Dakota [: 00:18:06

Well, it sounds like you spent a lot of time training and you participate in a lot of competitions. And of course, yeah, to have that taken away from you.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:18:14

I dedicated my life. I was very disciplined. I had a son, and I was a single mom until my husband came along. So I had a gym in my house, you know, the baby, the joggers, I mean, I brought my son as much as I could during my training. And, you know, there just weren't a lot of, it wasn't a lot of free time.

Dakota [: 00:18:33

Yeah.

Kim [: 00:18:34

And that becomes your identity.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:18:35

Because then working a full time job too. So, yeah.

Kim [: 00:18:38

Yeah. And that becomes your identity.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:18:40

Oh, yeah. Definitely.

Kim [: 00:18:41

So let's talk about when all that taken away from you. What happened?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:18:46

It was devastating. You can read about that in my book, a particular colonel. And he was very I call him a he was a predator in the organization. And he made himself known to me from the very beginning when I very first came to the state. And but I always I trusted my instincts. I knew he was a predator, and I always kept him at a distance. I would usually say something that would piss him off or be dismissive of him. And I always kept my distance.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:19:15

But then he came into a position of power with his buddies in power, actually made my husband come to work for him, told him to apply for a job. And my husband said he wasn't interested. And he said, well, I don't I don't think you're hearing me. I'm not I'm not asking, I'm telling. And then when somebody like that gets in a position of power, they I don't think people understand that they can affect your training opportunities, your career, your promotions, the income for your family, your benefits. I mean, they affects your whole world. Cause some people are like, why didn't you just leave at that point? Leave. Not when you got half your life invested in the military, and it is your sole source of income, and you've been really proud of your service up until that point.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:19:58

So most women actually get out within 7 months of a sexual assault occurring to them. Yeah. So that was I there was it was 6 very long, dark years for me.

Dakota [: 00:20:07

6 years after.

Kim [: 00:20:09

Well, let's talk about some of those repercussions.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:20:13

Yeah. One time I had, like, 32 people assigned to me. It was when we were going from the paper files to automated. With Iperms, we're automating all the personnel records. And it was really easy to mess with me by messing with, you know, my son was also in the military, so he could mess with my husband, my son, and the people that were under assigned under me. So, I mean, it was a lot.

Kim [: 00:20:38

And I hear you. Those were very dark times. I can't even imagine. How were you able to deal with those 6 years?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:20:47

It was just surviving. You just go into survival mode and you try to endure everything as best you can to protect those that you love, to protect your soldiers, to protect, you know, your family members. So you kind of focus on being for me, I focused on being a protector as well as surviving it.

Dakota [: 00:21:07

Wow. Yeah.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:21:08

And I think I can be tenacious. I also have a very good ability to disassociate for myself. Now, I did go on a lot of medications during that time for depression and depression. Myself. Now I did go on a lot of medications during that time for depression, anxiety. You know, I did struggle with suicidal ideations during that time, but I didn't like I hated being in on any of the drugs. And I actually went to the civilian counselor at one time. And I guess because somehow the military got word back that I went to the civilian counselor Pike because I used my TRICARE benefits. And I was put before a behavioral health review board and almost kicked out of the military for going and talking to a counselor about the rape.

Dakota [: 00:21:44

So Wow.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:21:45

So then you can't do that anymore. Thank God he was a PA and was very familiar with my athletics and knew me very well and was like, no, she has no behavioral issues. This is situationally based.

Dakota [: 00:21:57

Good. Yeah.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:21:58

And talk to that board, but it just it breaks my heart. And I hope things have changed for the better now that a service member can go seek some mental health. I don't know what to tell people, honestly. Like, although I have learned the vet centers, you can go there and the military doesn't get word back, the vet centers.

Dakota [: 00:22:16

Yeah. I work at the vet center as a counselor, and that's the one thing that I try to tell National Guard and just everyone that's currently in the military is that it's a great resource.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:22:27

They don't know that. Like, where to get help? Yeah. And the VA has wonderful services now for military sexual trauma, MST, but, you know, women just they don't know about it or they're afraid to go. A lot of them don't wanna enter a foot into a VA because of all the old retired males that and some of them are inappropriate with the young female service women that go in there.

Dakota [: 00:22:47

Yeah. It's very unfortunate. So tell us about your book.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:22:51

So my book is, it does talk a little bit about my childhood, but I wrote the book because I started I joined a lot of different healing groups with the VA and seeking healing when I got out of the military. And I just kept encountering so many young ladies that their lives, their worlds were devastated by this. And, you know, just it broke my heart. These could be my daughters. And I thought, oh my god, this stuff is still happening. It's such I mean, it's one out of 3 women experience it in the military, and that's just unacceptable. And these women's lives are ruined. And sometimes it creates generational trauma because they develop emotional issues.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:23:28

And one told me, you know, I can't even hug or kiss my child because touch freaks me out because of her trauma. And I'm like, oh, my God, I I have to write my book. I did a ton of research on all the effects on us, you know, that sexual trauma causes. And I would say my book would probably apply to anybody with any type of trauma, because there are physiological changes within our systems, you know, mentally, our brains, our physical being emotionally, it's so multitudes of levels. And I just wanted to educate, I wanted to have everything in one spot for people, and to show them, you know, you can get through it, you really can. And I went through so many different healing methodologies. And I also, you know, I did the cognitive behavioral therapy, the dialectical behavioral therapy, EMDR, a lot of group therapy, I went to Sedona, several, several times with a healing retreat there. And honestly, that helped heal my soul because I think the office environment doesn't really heal the soul.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:24:29

I think for me, nature is always so healing and just different methods like emotional freeing technique, tapping, we did meditating, a lot of different things in Sedona, and it just helped heal. I think you got to heal your mind and your physical being your soul, your heart. It's just and the body truly does keep the score. Yeah.

Dakota [: 00:24:51

You did a lot of work. You put in a lot of work.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:24:53

A lot of work. And I encourage everyone to do that work because you're worth it. To me, our assaulters win. If we stay stuck, if we can't move past it, they win. And, you know, that's the last thing. Maybe it's my competitive spirit. I'm like, hell no. You're not winning.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:25:09

I'm gonna win.

Kim [: 00:25:12

He may have taken you off the athlete the biathlon team Yeah. But he did not kill that athletic spirit. No.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:25:20

No. He did not.

Kim [: 00:25:21

And I think it's amazing because, like you said, there's a lot of pain and shame and guilt that goes on with being military sexual trauma survivor. Yeah. And people just, like, either disassociate, distract, get addicted, use anything to numb so they don't have to feel it. And the fact that you.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:25:44

I'm immune to that. I did drink a lot of alcohol during that time, and I did only at night because my demons always came out at night. And I did a lot of online shopping, like ridiculous. But those were my main coping, numbing strategies. But a lot of people be, you know, they'll have a lot of behavioral health issues, like, say someone was never promiscuous and then all of a sudden they're super promiscuous or the opposite where they, you know, become asexual. I mean, there's everybody reacts differently, but they always react. I mean, you can't not react.

Dakota [: 00:26:17

Yeah. Absolutely.

Kim [: 00:26:18

Were you able to identify that in the beginning that those were coping mechanisms?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:26:24

No. I only found grace and compassion with myself because we carry that shame and that darkness and that guilt, and we shouldn't carry it. It's the predators, the perpetrators, the assailants, they should carry that, but they don't. We carry it. And it took me a long time to develop that empathy and self compassion for myself that no, that doesn't belong on me. I didn't ask for any of that. I didn't ask for it.

Dakota [: 00:26:49

Yeah.

Kim [: 00:26:50

I love that you gave it back to the perpetrator. You were like, nope, Not me. That was not me. I'm giving that back to you. Yeah. Very powerful, Michelle.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:26:59

And all victims need to do that because it shouldn't you know, so many of them and another reason I wrote my book, there was an older veteran in one of my groups and she didn't even believe me until it was an art group and she saw some of my because I started processing my trauma through art first because art is wonderful in expressing yourself before you can find the words. And so when she started seeing some of my drawings, she's like, oh my gosh, I didn't think it really happened to you, but I believe you now. And she said, you know, for the last 15 years of my retirement, I thought I was the only one. I thought I was alone. And I actually share her story in my book. I share, oh, a marine story and 2 other navy women's story. But and I was like, my gosh, how many of them out there think they're all alone? You know, they because I think a lot of people just tend to hole up and they they carry that within them and they don't realize that they're not the only ones, they're not alone. They have a whole sisterhood out there that's experienced the same.

Dakota [: 00:27:59

Yeah. I think, like you said, it's important for them to know that they're not alone, and they don't have to go through the healing process alone either.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:28:07

No. And I talked about a lot about my healing methodology so that they know everything that's available out there to them. And on the website, I started I even started capturing all the different healing modalities that I've found and learned about to share.

Dakota [: 00:28:21

That's a great idea. So what's the name of your book and where can they find it?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:28:25

It is called Living with Trauma, Finding the Light Again. It's on Amazon, Goodreads, Kobo, IngramSpark, Barnes and Noble online, and I think even a few international sites. And then very soon, my Audible book should be published any day.

Kim [: 00:28:41

Yeah. Any day.

Dakota [: 00:28:44

And then you are the one reading your book, right?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:28:47

Yes, I narrate it. Also, I think it's really important. Some male leadership has read my book. And they said it's like a sucker punch to the gut because I think that's what it's going to take unfortunately, because the majority of our forces are male, and the majority of the leadership is male is for them to realize my book really is probably hard for some victims that haven't worked with their healing, because I really tried to dive into the emotions because I've never really read anything that really gets to the emotions. And a lot of them said, you know, it was a sucker punch to the gut. You know, it made me so angry. Well, that's what I want to happen because I want them to watch out for these predators, create a culture where they don't feel comfortable, the climate. And I I just think that's what it's gonna take to have real change.

Dakota [: 00:29:33

Yeah. Absolutely. Like you said, I think it's really important for that leadership and for males to know what's going on.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:29:43

Yeah. What it feels like, how it happens, and the full devastating effects of it on a person. I don't think they realize Yeah. You know, that it can cause generational trauma for those people's children.

Dakota [: 00:29:54

Or even looking out for that type of behavior to and encouraging them to ask about it. Like, hey. What's going on? What happened? What? Because that could change someone's career.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:30:06

I talk about yeah. And I talk about the microaggressors, the noninclusive behaviors, all those little things, little nuances that are subconsciously done or not you know, they don't even realize it, but it's predator senses that they don't respect the women when you start observing some of these little nuances.

Dakota [: 00:30:24

Right. Wow. And then you mentioned that you have a website as well. Correct. And what's the name of your website?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:30:32

It is it's a little complicated. It's, https://finding-the-light.my.canva.site/struemph.

Dakota [: 00:30:41

Cool. And what can people expect to find on your website?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:30:45

It's about me, about my book, a video. I'm gonna post more videos actually on there, my introduction video, and most importantly, some of the healing methodologies through the VA and then healing methodologies available through the civilian community as I come across semi add them. Because even in the VA, you can talk to 1 provider and they don't know what the provider down the hall is doing. They don't really have a grasp on all the services.

Dakota [: 00:31:13

Yeah. I mean, I work for the VA, and it's, it's confusing and complicated.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:31:19

Yes. So I wanted one a place where people could go to access that. And if their VA doesn't carry some of those therapies, they can get, you know, outsourced to the civilian community.

Dakota [: 00:31:28

Yeah. I love that. That's such a great idea.

Kim [: 00:31:31

Michelle, you have me curious. Talking about healing modalities, so writing and speaking the events. Talk about what you went through as you're writing this book and then again as you have to speak it with your audiobook.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:31:50

Well, I tell you writing this book gave me prolonged exposure therapy. It was extremely difficult. Some of the chapters were just gut wrenching and it was I'm not gonna lie. I mean, there's sometimes I would go bawl my head after writing and working with a chapter and recalling all those memories to the surface. And it was very difficult, but I did it with my sisters in arms in mind that I think I had to share that just to get the full emotional pull on the reader, even though I didn't want to share it at all. But you know, you have to, I think, and it was very hard, you have to be very vulnerable. And vulnerability is very hard for most of us that have served in the military because you, you know, you're taught to suck it up and drive on and not show any emotion or vulnerability. But I had to access that part of myself and get comfortable with that.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:32:39

And it's still hard to be honest.

Dakota [: 00:32:41

Yeah. How do you work through that?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:32:43

I just tell myself, okay, so one quick little story. I went to my VA primary care provider the other day, and she said, oh, Michelle, I've heard all about your book. A young lady came in, and she told me how much your book has helped her. And now she's given it to her husband to read so he can understand. And so that's why it makes me drive on because that's why I wrote it because they don't know the words. They don't know how to express it yet. And I wanna give that to them and hopefully save marriages so that their significant others will understand the full gamut and what exactly they went through.

Dakota [: 00:33:17

Yeah. I love that that's happening because a lot of people have relational issues, especially in

Michelle Struemph [: 00:33:26

Big time. Big time.

Dakota [: 00:33:28

Partnership. And we don't know how to explain it, and the partner doesn't know what's going on. So I love that partners can read it and get an idea of what's going on. Such a great idea.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:33:40

Yes. And I hope it saves a lot of relationships out there because I don't it's just it's hard to put trauma into words. It really is.

Dakota [: 00:33:47

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Especially when you're still going through it every day by just being in a relationship with someone. It's so hard. Wow. You gave me the chills. Thank you for doing that.

Dakota [: 00:34:01

Wow.

Kim [: 00:34:01

Do you know there's a theme here that you just pioneer everything as a woman. You are like, that's gonna be your nickname.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:34:11

I feel like that's what God made me for, and that's why I call living with trauma because we always carry it with us. People that say, oh, you can completely, yeah, get rid of it. You can't ever get it's always in you. You have to make there's a quote in my book about making peace with the darkness because the darkness is always there, but you have to make peace with it. You can't oust it. It's just a part of you. And you just have to be compassionate and patient and make peace with it.

Dakota [: 00:34:37

Wow.

Kim [: 00:34:37

That's so true. And you're doing it because, one, you're brave enough to write the book. So that was the writing therapy. Like you said, you had to relive all of it. And then so answer this. Why did you decide to be the speaker on the audiobook instead of bringing someone else in? Was that part of a the therapy?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:34:59

Well, the publisher advised, like, to do better on podcasts and TED Talks and things like that, that I would learn a lot through the narrating process. Plus, it is my story. And I felt like I knew best when to inflict emotion and how to be my vulnerable pieces. I felt like who best to tell my story than myself. I don't know. And, I I mean, I had no idea it would be so hard. I'd probably never narrate another audiobook again, but Yeah. But I'm glad I did.

Dakota [: 00:35:27

Yeah. I think, like you said, that's really important because I know I really enjoy listening to books and podcasts when it comes from the person and it's their story. Because like you said, you can hear all of the emotion and just yeah. I think it's great that you did that even if it was very difficult. Yeah.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:35:47

And you both are involved with healing too with your retreat, so that's super exciting, and I hope to come to one of them.

Dakota [: 00:35:54

Yes. Absolutely.

Kim [: 00:35:57

We would love to have you at our retreat.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:35:59

Yeah. Yes. I would love to.

Kim [: 00:36:00

They will drop soon on the website for 2025. But what we do have a closing question. What advice would you give to military women or women that are thinking about going into the military?

Michelle Struemph [: 00:36:14

Read my book, and I've I've had a lot of women say, oh, I would still join because the military is a fantastic place to learn leadership skills and the opportunities, the education, the help, everything. I would never deter a female from joining the military, but I would want her to go in with eyes wide open to seek mentors, to talk to women that are currently serving or have served so they can be, you know, forewarned as forearmed. I would definitely encourage them to do a lot of research so they know and to look at the different forces. Air Force typically has more females than the other forces do their research, but honestly don't think things will change significantly. I hope they do, but unless we grow our numbers of women, our percentages

Dakota [: 00:36:56

Yeah. Absolutely.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:36:58

And more female leaders.

Kim [: 00:37:00

And I think once they hear podcasts like this, listen to books like yours, women telling their stories so they like you said, they feel like they're not alone, then they're able to speak up as well. And there's power in numbers. If we could just continue that rolling.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:37:17

We have to educate everyone. And I I feel like, you know, these podcasts and any talking opportunities, any book about the subject, it's educating the population.

Dakota [: 00:37:27

Yeah. Absolutely.

Kim [: 00:37:29

Well, Michelle, we're gonna praise you at the end here because you

Michelle Struemph [: 00:37:34

I praise both of you.

Kim [: 00:37:36

On the highest unit echelon level, chief foreign officer 5. You served on a United States Armed Force pentathlon team, which is very rare. All these things are very rare, and you stepped out of your comfort zone to write this book that brought up so much trauma for you. You are just this amazing, wonderful, inspiring woman, and we're so happy that you were part of our podcast.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:38:04

Well, thank you both so much. It's been a great interview, and I really hope we can get more of the word out to the women out here there that need to hear this.

Dakota [: 00:38:13

Yeah. Absolutely.

Kim [: 00:38:15

We will. Yes. Well, thank you again.

Michelle Struemph [: 00:38:21

Thank you, Captain Kim and Captain Dakota. It's been my greatest honor to be a part of this, and I really thank you for what you're doing. You're helping to spread the word, and that's what we have to do.

Kim [: 00:38:31

Thank you for tuning into Dog Tag Diaries. We appreciate your willingness to listen and engage with these stories as we understand the challenge that comes with sharing and hearing them. Your support in witnessing the experience of our military women is invaluable. These stories are meant to inspire and provide meaning, and we hope they can help you find your own voice as well.

Dakota [: 00:38:55

If you or anyone you know are in need of immediate help, call the crisis line by dialing 988, then press 1. There are resources available to help and provide guidance during difficult times. Please visit our website, www.reveilleandretreatproject.org, to learn more about the Reveille and Retreat project, including upcoming retreats for military women and resources. The link is in the show notes. We'll be here again next Wednesday. Keep finding the hope, the healing, and the power in community.