Healing Out Loud: Annette Whittenberger’s Courageous Mission After the Army -55

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Captain Kim [: 00:00:01

She learned how to wear a mask long before she ever wore a uniform. She served 17 years in the army, rose to the rank of major and looked like she had it all together. But underneath the surface, she was battling anxiety, depression, and unresolved trauma. The military gave her a purpose, but it also taught her to suppress pain until it nearly consumed her. This isn't just a story about service. It's about survival, identity, and finally finding the courage to take the mask off. This is a must hear. Welcome to season five of Dog Tag Diaries, where the untold stories of military women take center stage.

Captain Kim [: 00:00:47

I'm your host, Captain Kim, and we are in our fifth season. Five seasons of truth, grit, laughter, healing, and connection to every storyteller who shared a piece of their soul and every listener who's walked alongside us. Thank you. You're the reason this podcast has grown into a movement. Let's keep breaking silence, building community, and amplifying the voices that deserve to be heard. Let's dive in. This week on Dog Tag Diaries, we welcome army veteran and mental health advocate Annette Whittenberger. A former major who served over 17 years, Annette is the voice behind a wild ride called life and author of the bestseller "The Wall Between Two Lives".

Captain Kim [: 00:01:38

From Military life and motherhood to mental health and healing, Annette shares her powerful journey of transformation and truth. Annette, welcome to Dog Tag Diaries.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:01:50

Thank you so much. Such an honor.

Captain Kim [: 00:01:53

Thank you for taking time to be here. I know you've been super busy because you're down in Texas.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:02:00

I am, yes.

Captain Kim [: 00:02:02

And let's tell the viewers what you've done over the weekend to help with the catastrophe that hit down there.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:02:10

Yeah. No, so Saturday, you know, it was a last minute thing, but, you know, everything, it's not like this is planned. Right. So you just, you have a friend say, hey, I want to go to Kerrville tomorrow. I'm like, let me know what you need. Cancel everything. Let's see what we can do. And so we drove two and a half hours down there and got them all the supplies that we could possibly get.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:02:29

So we get down there and, you know, the community is such a small town, so the community is just overflowing with truckloads of things and then supplies. It's just.

Captain Kim [: 00:02:40

Yeah, from all the flooding, correct?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:02:42

From all the flooding, yes. And so the Salvation army down there was collecting things. So people coming in, the truckloads in line just trying to get there to. To donate. I mean, it came to a point where they couldn't accept donations anymore. They're like, we've got so much than. Thank you. But the thing of it is, is that, you know, when something like this happens, everyone wants to do right now, but we have to remember.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:03:06

And this is what they said is we don't want to be forgotten next week or in two weeks. So please come back next week or in two weeks or in three weeks, because that's when we're going to still need supplies. So it was just an overwhelming experience, but it's also so heartwarming to see the community come together. So, yeah, it was just a lot. Yeah.

Captain Kim [: 00:03:26

And that, like, we were talking before we started recording the podcast, and it's just who you are. You do these selfless acts, and you really are this huge advocate for our military woman community number one, but really for all humans who may need help and direction. And so I want to dive into who you are, and I want to start from the beginning. Like, who were you as a little girl? Annette.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:03:57

So I grew up in Southern California in a small town called Simi Valley. And growing up in the 80s, everything just. It's in the newspaper. Right. You don't hear about anything else. You just play outside till the lights come on. And that's how I was raised, so just shielded from the wrongdoings that happen in life. And so I myself went through a traumatic experience as a child, but my mom did the best she could to get me therapy from being sexually assaulted by my best friend's father.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:04:31

So I became one of those people who learned how to black things out. I suppressed a lot of things as a child into my teenage years, and then going into the military, I just learned how to put on a different hat, put on a smile, and just continue on. And, you know, you can only do that for so long, but that's what I learned to do.

Captain Kim [: 00:04:56

Yeah. Well, with a traumatic experience like that, I would think that as a child, we don't know what's happening to us, but we know that something doesn't feel right. Is that what you felt when you went through that experience?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:05:12

I did. I'm a people pleaser sometimes. And so when something happens, I feel like, well, I don't want to get anybody in trouble. I don't want to make anybody mad. So, unfortunately, it took two times for this incident to happen for me to go, okay, I think I need to say something. And, you know, and that's just how I dealt with things, is I knew something was wrong, but I don't want to make anybody mad. But I was 10, and at that point, and I didn't even realize till maybe six months ago that I really started advocating from the time I was 10 years old. And I didn't realize it because, like I said, I suppressed a lot and I blacked it out.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:05:55

I was just one of many girls that were involved in that assault over a period of time. But I was given an opportunity to testify in court, and I did it. I still don't really comprehend how all that happened, but I did. I testified in court because the other children were scared. You know, we're 10, and I don't remember what happened in court necessarily, but I do remember that he only went away for nine months. And I lived in fear for years because I switched schools and I no longer had the same friends. And I was always looking over my shoulder, you know, always wondering if he was there. And then when I found out that he was released, that's when I just blacked out.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:06:44

A lot of things. Yeah.

Captain Kim [: 00:06:46

Yeah. 1. I'm so sorry that happened to you and all, and a few of your friends. That should never happen to anyone. And you had to live in survival mode, which really is our body's way of natural fight, flight or freeze, which is wonderful when you need to get out of harm's way. But when it's Elongated man, that mentally and physically exhausts you. Did you feel that in your body and your mind?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:07:18

I mean, I think I did because that's just how I lived the rest of my life until my 40s, because that's just what I did it then, and it worked. So I'm just going to continue doing it.

Captain Kim [: 00:07:28

Yeah, it's crazy. It's just what we know.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:07:31

Yes, it is.

Captain Kim [: 00:07:33

So did you have the support of your mom and dad through that whole event?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:07:40

I did. As soon as I reported the incident, it was like, automatic. We have to call the cops. My stepdad was there at the time. I just remember telling them that something had happened and I said something immediate. Cops. And then it was just like, I don't remember what happened next. I really don't.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:07:58

But I know that I was just protected in every way possible. And now as I became a parent, I know why I parented in fear, right? Because I was like, this is. I can't let this happen to my kids. And if you ask my kids now, they'll be like, mom was so strict. But I know why I was. And I tried to be lenient. But anyway, it just, you know, I don't remember what happened next. I just remember that I did go to therapy, but not for very long.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:08:29

I don't remember why. Therapy wasn't the same back then as it is now. Right. So I don't remember how long I went for or why I stopped, but I just continue to live my life the best way that I knew how as a kid.

Captain Kim [: 00:08:44

Yeah. And it had to be traumatic for your parents to hear that as well. So I'm sure that being new to them as well, they tried to do the best they could with what they knew and the tools that they had at the time as well. I'm glad that they were supportive of you.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:08:59

Absolutely. They believed me. There was no question of, are you sure? It was like, okay, what are we going to do next?

Captain Kim [: 00:09:05

Were either one of your parents in the military?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:09:08

No. So it wasn't until years later that I found out that my grandfather, my dad's father, served in the Peruvian Air Force. I didn't get to meet him though, because he died when my dad was 11. I never got to know him. And it was said that he had died from complications from a bullet wound for many, many years. So I never got to really dig into that. And my uncle, my dad's sister's husband, who's now since deceased, he served in the same brigade that I served in. So it was just like this whole full circle of things that I never really knew about.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:09:50

And I wish I would have cared more about the history of my family. But you know, you're growing up as a kid, you're like, eh, it's whatever, you know. And later you're like, oh my gosh, this is so fascinating. And so, yeah, I. But I didn't grow up being surrounded by the military at all.

Captain Kim [: 00:10:06

So how did you find the military?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:10:08

I attended an all girl Catholic high school from seventh to 12th grade. I had a friend and I love talking about her. We still laugh about it to this day. She was such a badass. She enlisted out of high school and I looked at her like, dang, that is so cool. I don't know why I thought it was so cool. It was so cool because it was unheard of. A lot of my friends went on to, you know, top tier schools from high school and I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:10:36

And a recruiter come to the house and me and my little boyfriend at the time were saying, sitting at the table and I looked over at him and I said, should I do it? I don't know if I should do it. And the recruiter's just looking at me and I'm like, yeah, I can't do it. I can't do it. And so that didn't happen at that moment. But it was stuck in my mind for such a long time. And I regret it. I mean, I don't regret the decision I made, but at that moment, I just felt like, man, I was. I was such a baby.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:11:04

And why didn't I sign the contract? And so stuck in my mind. But I wasn't mature enough to do anything. So I went to community college for a year and a half. And the school that I had sought out afterwards was for a boy. But I made sure that they had an ROTC program. I just knew I had to try it out somehow. And so the Reserve Officer Training Corps was offered at Arizona State University. And I applied to the school.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:11:33

I got in and I did the ROTC thing. I said, you know what? By the time I got to this university, if you don't know how ROTC works, there's like, military science. 1, 2, 3. By the time I transferred to the university, I was already a sophomore. And so I was jumping in, in the middle mark and was like, I'm just gonna try it out. I'm gonna try it out. Cause I didn't know what the heck I was doing in my life. And the third year comes along and they ask, they're like, you gotta make a decision.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:12:04

You're either going to join the army or not. I was like, okay, let's try it out for three years. Three years turned into 17 plus.

Captain Kim [: 00:12:12

Yeah, let's hear about that. Where did you go to basic? Where did you do your AIT?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:12:18

So I had married my husband my senior year of college. He was a Goldball recruiter. So he was one of those guys who had already graduated from the program, from school and just was in charge of recruiting the rest of us craziest. And I was like, I'm just gonna follow him around, I guess. So I graduated college. I went to Fort Lewis, Washington. I hit ground in Washington. I'm in the airport.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:12:47

And I called him and I said, I can't. What am I doing? I want to go home. He's like, you're not going home. You need to do this. You wanted this. You're going to do it. I hate it. I don't know what I'm doing.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:13:01

And so I just did it. I had to do it. But I was just so. Everybody there knew what they wanted. I didn't know what I wanted. So I survived. I just had to make it through. I had to figure out how I was going to graduate from this advanced campus was, they called it.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:13:21

I never camped in my life as a kid. So my first time camping was sleeping in a tent in the middle of nowhere, pitching tents next to 5 foot high ant piles. I just don't know how I did it.

Captain Kim [: 00:13:38

It's a culture shock.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:13:39

It's such a culture shock. I just feel like I was so shielded as a kid and here I am, think I'm gonna join the army, have no idea what I'm doing. No training, no nothing. So I survived it, obviously, but good grief, it was every day. I was just like in tears and I couldn't cry in front of my peers. In fact, you were on a voting system in your peers. And I did not get voted often. I was just one of those weak ones, the weaklings in the group.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:14:12

And so I just had to make it through. I was not gonna fail. I was not gonna fail.

Captain Kim [: 00:14:18

Yeah, it doesn't feel like that's in your gene pool to fail.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:14:21

I just can't. I'm stubborn, though.

Captain Kim [: 00:14:25

So what was your job description?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:14:28

So when I commissioned, I commissioned as a chemical officer. And a lot of people say, ask me, what is that? Because there's no chemical warfare, thank God. Right? We didn't have to deal with that, but we were the guys that everybody hated because you had to put the whole mop suit on, the mask, the whole suit, the one you sweat in, the one you go into the chambers, in the CS chambers. Those are the things that we did. And it's funny because I loved it.

Captain Kim [: 00:14:57

You were in charge of giving us the different levels of mop gear.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:15:00

Oh, I learned to just go, all right, let's do it. And it was stupid. It was stupid. But I loved going in with my soldiers. I went in with them and I just did the thing. But we only did that once a year. So the other times I was actually given opportunities to work in other sections with logistics and personnel and training. So, you know, it was like a curse.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:15:29

It was a blessing. It was one of those things. I learned a lot of other things because I didn't get to do my job all the time.

Captain Kim [: 00:15:37

Yeah. Isn't that the fantastic thing about the military, though? You get an array of training and so, yeah, it really. You're like, why am I learning this? But later on in life you realize you're like, oh, this really comes in handy. I'm glad I did learn it.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:15:52

I know, it's really funny. So when I picked off, you get like six choices at that time for females. So I picked, you know, medical Corps, military intelligence, military police engineer. A chemical was my very last one. I was like, I do not want this. And I actually got branched detailed military intelligence. So after two years I got the notification, hey, you are able to transfer to MI now. But I turned it down because I had a one year old and I was in Germany.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:16:28

I was like, do I do this one thing that I really wanted to do and fly back to the States or do I stay here and raise my daughter? So you know, those are the sacrifices not a lot of people talk about. So I turned it down.

Captain Kim [: 00:16:43

Well, let's talk about it because it really does pull on your heartstrings. And I can only attest to what you're saying because I was a single mom too and I loved being a combat medic. And then I got my degree and went into flight nursing and I loved it. And I was like, my goodness, they train you so well in the military and you think I can be that person to help bring those soldiers home to their families. At the same time I decided to have a kid where what's more important? And how did you feel about all of it?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:17:19

So you know, I'll be honest, I kind of resented my ex husband because we were dual military. I was young, you know, I moved to Germany when I was 23, had my daughter at 25 and my son at 28 and he was about 18 months senior ranking to me. And so because he knew what he wanted to do with his career, I was like, okay, I'm gonna support him. I don't know what I'm doing. We're just gonna support what you're doing. But at the same time, I still wanna do my thing, even though I don't know what the thing is. But I knew I wanted to be a platoon leader. I didn't get to do that.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:17:59

I knew I wanted to be a company commander. I did get to do that. But it was just those little things in your career that I was like, well, I got someone's got to raise these kids. And I almost felt like, well, because I'm wishy washy with my life, I guess I'll just stay behind, so to speak. And it wasn't until later on in my career was like, you know what, this kind of sucks. Not the kids, of course, of course. But it sucks that I have to make these decisions because the military doesn't really say, oh, you know what, you tell us when you're ready. No, it's either now or never, you know.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:18:40

And so I had to make decisions like that for the rest of my career.

Captain Kim [: 00:18:44

Did you get out of the military then and then return back in?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:18:48

No. So I stayed. And then at my 17 year mark or 16 and a half year mark is when I didn't get selected for promotion to lieutenant colonel, you know. And I think that's when it really hit me where I was like, this sucks because I could have done certain things, but I was raising kids. I know God had a plan for me later. You know, it's been eight years now. And so I know at that moment he was like, you're going to do something else. And it's just hard for me to accept because I was like this, why didn't I get promoted? Why this person? Why not me? And it's just one of those things where I tell people it's hard, but we can determine our self worth off of a piece of paper.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:19:31

Unfortunately, that's what the army does. So if you get out like I did, I had six months to get out. And I was like, this is bullshit. Like any other 20 year retirement person gets a whole year. You know, you can get up to two years. I got six months. And so in six months I was like, what the F am I going to do? You know, I had a plan. I was like, all right, I'm getting out.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:19:54

I'll come back and work it as a GS or I'll be a contractor, I'll do all these things. But when it was that time at that 17 year four month day, they handed me the flag in the box with the certificate and I was like, oh my God, this is. Wow. Okay, this is it. No, like high five, no, nothing. I didn't even go to my retirement ceremony. I didn't even go, no, because I was so embarrassed. I was so ashamed.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:20:26

I felt like such a failure. And unfortunately at that moment where I retired out of where I worked at the JROTC building on Fort Polka because my ex husband was a battalion commander at the time, we lived across the street. So I was reminded every day until we PCs that that is where I just left. I didn't want to go back there to go to a retirement ceremony. There was no way. And do I regret that part? Yeah, I regret that. I wish my kids could have seen that. But I was absolutely mortified that I couldn't make it until at least 18 years to carry on the rest until 20.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:21:05

I was mad at the world. It was everybody's fault at that moment. Everybody's fault. And so it took me a long time to come to Grips with. All right, this is my next gig. What am I going to do?

Captain Kim [: 00:21:18

Yeah. And what did you do? You wrote books, you advocated for veterans, you advocated for yourself. But let's talk about that transition, because, like you said, it was not easy getting out of the military, reintegrating back into a world that's so unfamiliar to you.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:21:38

Yeah, I had to learn that I was still a mom. You know, my kids were 16 and 14 at that time. I still had to show up for them, and this was my moment to show up to all their games. Now, you know, there was no excuse. I went to every game possible that I could go to. I didn't have to worry about taking time off anymore. I was like, all right, I'm just gonna do what I want to do now. But I turned to social media because that was what we did.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:22:07

Even now, you know, we turn there because we almost want to have someone tell us it's okay. But, you know, I got scrutinized a little bit because I used Facebook as my platform.

Captain Kim [: 00:22:19

Wait, you got scrutinized by who? You mean the public?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:22:23

Yeah, the public. Like, why are you. You know, why are you talking about this all over Facebook? And it's fine. Cause, listen, girl, I was like, all right, I'm going to create a website. And so I hired another veteran who had done one of my other soldiers websites, and I said, let's do it. Let's create a whole fricking blog. And that's what I did. I created a whole blog.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:22:45

It's still up now. And I just shared my story there. That was my platform, because I knew there was someone else out there. Somebody else had to have some type of rough transition like me. I know I'm not the only one. And that's just how it started. You know, I had other soldiers reach out to me, like, man, thanks for talking about it. It was hard.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:23:08

And I just knew then I was like, okay, this is gonna stay. And that's what I did. I used that as the platform. Then I created a podcast. And it's funny. Cause my very, very first podcast was only four episodes. I never published it because I sounded so sad. I sounded so sad.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:23:26

I was like, I can't do this. This is sad. And I probably should have released it, but I don't think I was ready. I think I was using that recording to just get my feelings out. And I didn't even. I started the actual podcast in 2019, so after I had PCs is when I started it. And I was like, all right, I Think it's time and it's helpful.

Captain Kim [: 00:23:48

Isn't it? Just like you said it is. That trauma, I honestly believe, does get trapped in our bodies, and there's so many ways to release it. But talking about it, just like you were saying, like, you sounded sad. Yeah. You showed up how you felt.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:24:04

You're right.

Captain Kim [: 00:24:05

And I love that you did that. And now, what's your podcast called?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:24:10

So back then it was the Truths We Hide. I did. So it's still on Spotify. I don't do any more recordings because I work with the magazine now, so I use that as a different platform. But, you know, I did 147 episodes, I think, and I said it was a good run, you know, and anybody listens to those anymore, then great. But I will leave it up there forever, just in case, you know, someone wants to hear it or learn something from it. Yeah.

Captain Kim [: 00:24:38

Annette, I'm super proud of you. I'm going to call it a revolution, but I. I'm going to call it Annette Illusion, because really it is. It's about when you start that process of bearing your soul, that vulnerability where you're like, ah, is anyone really gonna wanna hear this? And then you get all that, those positive comments, like, oh, my gosh, thank you. Because I'm not alone. I thought I. I thought I was dealing with this all by myself, which then makes you feel depressed and isolated and God forbid you go down the way of taking your own life. We're not alone.

Captain Kim [: 00:25:18

And so I love that you were able to start that. And really a hundred and some episodes. Do you know how many people's lives you probably touched? Yeah. And from that you went and wrote a book and you now write on a magazine. Let's talk about all that.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:25:37

In 2021. I had met a couple people that said, you should write a book. I think we tell that to a lot of people. You should write a book. And then you're thinking, there's no way. There's no way. I worked with an editor, a friend. I took one of her workshops, and I created a couple of chapters.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:25:57

And I was like, you know what? Maybe I should. Maybe I need to put this out there to help someone else. And, you know, I did. So the trauma I went through as a child, I never went back to go through those findings. Right. So what I did was in order for me to. To write this book, not just based off of some memories here and there, I actually got ahold of that police department and they mailed me my. My records.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:26:28

It was really Hard. But I wanted to make sure I was putting correct details, not just of little flashes here and there, because I was best friends with his daughter at that time. I don't know if she'll ever, you know, we'll ever find each other again. But I felt bad for her and I had to make sure my statement was correct. I could sit here and say, I don't give a shit what I say about him. He was a bad person. I still felt like I needed to be respectful to her. It was her dad.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:26:59

And so it was very important for me to go through those records and cite the right details and not just based off of how I felt. So I did that and I reached out to him. You know, my dad got remarried and I'm close with his sons and I wanted to make sure it was okay for me to talk about them, you know, and I wanted to make sure it was okay for my other family members to be mentioned. And it was just very rough to write that book. And there's a lot of people out there now who say, well, it was your, you know, it's my story. I'm going to write what I want. I get that and it's totally fine. But for me, it was important to respect my family members.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:27:40

It was. It's just people pleaser. We go back to the people pleaser.

Captain Kim [: 00:27:43

And it shows, Annette, it shows a lot about your character. You're empathetic, you're kind, and yeah, you call it people pleasing, but really it is about. It's just your heart and your soul. I mean, we all are still human. Yes, people do bad things and there's bad degrees of it, but the fact that you were able to sit there and be like, wait a second, I really need to make sure that I take everyone's feelings into consideration was really brave of you. And getting your records from being sexually assaulted at 10 years old. Very dedicated to the mission and the journey that you were about to embark on. How was that for you? Did you end up getting a counselor to help you through that?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:28:33

Not. Not really. I think I just. With this whole, you know, the blog thing and the book thing was just part of my self healing journey. And I. Although it was difficult because even my, you know, my husband at the time was like, are you sure? Are you sure you want to do that? You know, isn't that. That's a lot. And.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:28:55

And I said, no, I need to. I need, I need to. I haven't gone back and looked at it. I saved it, but I didn't Go back and look at it. I just. Not since I wrote the book. So it's. It's there, but it's not part.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:29:11

It's not. It doesn't define me anymore. You know, I. I don't. So I'll go back really quick. I. I did a talk a few years ago in California, and my audience was a mix of retirees and soldiers, civilians, and. And I talk a lot about how God, you know, he does things for us, not to us.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:29:40

And unfortunately, that does not apply to everything because I still don't understand why God does what he does right, or why things happen for me. For me. He didn't do that assault to me or for me. I think that he just. I went through it so that maybe I can help other people later. And so that civilian asked me. He says, will you talk about how God, you know, he does these things for you, but how do you explain what happened to you? And I say, you know, I can't explain why that happened to me. I just know that right now I can help other people, you know, with my kids or just other people who have gone through it and don't talk about it until decades later in their life.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:30:28

I don't have an answer. I just know that I survived a lot. That was just the beginning of how my life was going to be. I've survived suicidal ideations and, you know, going to the dark place, and I've survived a lot of it. And I don't. I want to say I don't know how, but I just. I know that God, he was. Obviously, I'm here for a reason still.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:30:53

And, you know, and so it's just. It's just really. It's just really difficult to sit here and try to explain why things happen. But I just know for me that this is who I am now, you know, and that's not going to take over my life anymore.

Captain Kim [: 00:31:12

And that's powerful because you just inspired me with that statement. You did. Because sometimes we really get caught in, why is this happening to me? This doesn't feel good. Instead of, you see, like, that big, bright light at the end of the tunnel going, I don't know why it happened, and I don't have to have an answer. But all I know is that you were put in that situation for a reason. And you found the reason. You found the reason. You wrote about it.

Captain Kim [: 00:31:43

You started a blog, you started a podcast, you wrote books. Now you're the editor of a magazine. Like, and you're a huge advocate, and you're A speaker. You're going around and you're speaking about this stuff. That's so brave, because, you know, as a speaker, every time people hear your story, they have different questions, and those questions prompt you then to be like, oh, wait, I don't know if I have the answer to that. Or maybe it takes you to a different place. Was there any question. When you did your speaking events, was there any question that really had you in a deep thought or gave you, like, another recovery type of moment?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:32:25

I think that question was the biggest one that I was like, oh, wow. You know, sometimes I don't know why things happen. I don't know how I survived a lot, but then I go back and say, wait, no, I do. I just. I lost myself a lot along the way of my life, thinking that I had everything handled. No, I'm good. I'm fine. I could do it.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:32:46

But it all circles back to the amount of times that I should not be here. And I have to just focus on that. This is why I'm so passionate about what I do. And it doesn't make money. And I was always chastised about that. Well, you're not getting paid. Why are you always paying to do these things? And I say, you know, it's not always about that. You know, sure, I would love to, but I'm given this opportunity to do these things, and it fuels me, because if I can save someone's life, then that's why I do it.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:33:18

Sometimes I have to remember that 8 hours, 10 hours behind the computer doesn't solve every problem. But when I dig into something, I'm like, I've got to have it right now. I got to do it right now. The story must go out. The interview must be done. The article has to be written like it has to be done, but it does. It consumes you. So I have to remember that if it doesn't happen today, it'll happen tomorrow.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:33:43

But I think that's just why I'm so passionate right now. My kids see, they know what mom does. And although they don't like to see it all over social media sometimes, because I have been spoken to about that by my kids, I think later they'll realize why I share so much. Because someone's always watching, reading, listening. They always are. So it's. God, it really is. There's no other way I would have survived the things that I have.

Captain Kim [: 00:34:13

I love how passionate you are, and I know when you get passionate, you lose yourself in what you're doing, but I love that you're able to like, look in from the outside and be like, wait, there's a balance here and I still need to take care of myself. Yes, I want to help other people, but I love that you found that it's important to take care of you. That's a huge sign. Like that you have healed and you are healing and it's a forever journey. Yes. But that self worth, I mean, like you said, you put your faith in God and just sometimes it gets really tough to just be like, okay, yeah, there is a path for me because we love to tell our own story and oh boy, do we get stuck in that path. There is a stuck point, right?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:35:01

No, you're right. Yeah.

Captain Kim [: 00:35:03

Just being able to have faith that there is a path and not get stressed and not feel like we have to be someone that we're not. Or like you said about having that piece of paper to show our worth, just knowing that who we are and our gift that we were put on this earth to share is enough.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:35:23

It's hard. It took a long time. It took a very long time to realize that I'm just as good. I just had another mission.

Captain Kim [: 00:35:31

It's true. So what would you tell young women in the military or young women that are thinking about going into the military or transitioning out of the military? What advice would you give them?

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:35:46

So going in is hard because I didn't want my daughter to do it. But you know, if she would have picked that path or if my son would have decided to do it as well, we would have supported him. But always would tell people is to remember who you are and to always use your voice. Because we lose that a lot when we serve in anything. I think anything we do, we lose ourself and we don't use our voice enough. And transitioning out, we have to remember that we're still worthy. No matter what happens, we are still worthy. And that's very difficult too.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:36:22

Especially when you don't get a promotion or you don't get that raise and you're like, what the heck, man? I just gave you everything that I could give you and I'm still not being recognized. Stand up for yourself. And if they don't want to listen, then go and be heard somewhere else. No one's telling you to stay in that slot and it's hard to leave. But you have to realize that I think right now, when we see all these tragedies happening around us, life is just day to day, man. Like we don't know anymore. We have to make decisions for ourselves more often. And when it comes to, you know, the entrepreneurial right route, that is not easy as well.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:37:04

But I try to tell people, do what sets your soul on fire. No matter what you do, you have to do what you want. You might not make that money right away, but if that's what your passion is, you have to do it, because it'll stick with you forever. A regret. I wish I would have done it. I wish I would have done it. You don't want to wish anymore. You know, go try it.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:37:27

You don't have to go all in. Just like a little piece at a time. I had to figure things out. I was told all the time, well, if you pay for this course or if you get this coach or if you invest thousands of dollars, you know how many times I did not do that? I always found another way. I'm gonna learn how to do it myself. I don't want to be taken advantage of, so I'm gonna learn. Took me a little bit longer, but I'm not in it to make a quick. I need to do it because I want to do it, not because I have to.

Captain Kim [: 00:37:55

Yeah. And look at you now. You're the author of the bestseller the Wall Between Two Lives. Right? It's that perseverance. And I believe when you do things like you said, that set your soul on fire, that you are passionate about things, do just. You get guided in that way, and you're like, okay, yeah, this is where I'm supposed to be. Things really just open up when you do things for the right reasons. And, Annette, you are a mother, a veteran, an advocate, a speaker, an author, a beautiful soul of a woman.

Captain Kim [: 00:38:29

And so I want to thank you again for being on Dog Tag Diaries, for being so vulnerable, and for taking time out of your schedule to come on our podcast and talk about all this. Because, again, I know you have influenced so many people. And now coming on another platform to do that as well, I could just tell your dedication, your passion, your love for who you are and your gift in life and for God and for other humans. So thank you again for being on DogTech Diaries.

Annette Whittenberger [: 00:39:01

Thank you so much. Really, I truly appreciate it.

Captain Kim [: 00:39:06

That's a wrap on today's episode of Dog Tag Diaries. As we head deeper into season five, I'm more grateful than ever for this community, for the raw, brave stories shared and the hearts they reach. If something spoke to you today, pass it on. Leave a review. Share with a sister in arms. Because healing is contagious and so is hope. Until next time, keep speaking your truth. And remember, you're not alone.