Behind the Ranks: Navigating Hardship and Healing -4
A young woman enlisted in the military seeking structure and a sense of professionalism. Instead, she encountered challenges, sorrow, and hardship while fulfilling her duties stateside and overseas. To cope, she had to suppress her emotions. Only when she discovered a supportive community of female service members sharing her experiences did she feel comfortable enough to confront and work through her emotions, beginning the path toward healing.
Be sure to follow or subscribe to Dog Tag Diaries wherever you listen to podcasts.
Learn more about Reveille and Retreat Project:
Instagram: @reveilleandretreatproject
Facebook: Reveille and Retreat Project
You aren’t alone.
If you’re thinking about hurting yourself or having thoughts of suicide contact the
Veteran crisis line: Dial 988 then press 1, chat online, or text 838255.
We honor Laura's friend, who served in the military and which Laura shared with us tragically lost her life in a domestic violence encounter.
Transcript
We feel it is important to make our podcast transcripts available for accessibility. We use quality artificial intelligence tools to make it possible for us to provide this resource to our audience. We do have human eyes reviewing this, but they will rarely be 100% accurate. We appreciate your patience with the occasional errors you will find in our transcriptions. If you find an error in our transcription, or if you would like to use a quote, or verify what was said, please feel free to reach out to us at connect@37by27.com.
Kim [:Our next guest is a young woman who enlisted in the military seeking structure and a sense of professionalism. Instead, she encountered challenges, sorrow and hardship while fulfilling her duties stateside and overseas.
Dakota [:Only when she discovered a supportive community of female service members sharing her experiences did she feel comfortable enough to confront and work through her emotions beginning the path towards healing?
Kim [:Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries, where military women share true stories. We are your hosts, Captain Kim
Dakota [:And Captain Dakota. The stories you are about to hear are powerful. We appreciate that you have joined us and are eager to learn more about these experiences and connect with the military women who are willing to share their stories in order to experiences, struggles, and triumphs.
Kim [:By speaking experiences, struggles, and triumphs. By speaking their truth, they contribute to a deeper understanding of the challenges they face and the resilience they demonstrate.
Dakota [:We appreciate your decision to join us today to gain insights and knowledge from the experiences of these courageous military women. Thank you for being here. Today, we have Laura McReynolds who served in both army reserves and active duty as a specialist.
Kim [:She will be talking about her journey as a military woman. Hi, Laura.
Laura McReynolds [:Hello.
Kim [:So we just wanted to start by asking you a little bit about who you are and how you were when you were younger.
Laura McReynolds [:Well, I I'm from a small town in Kingsville, Texas South Texas. There's only about 25,000 people there, and most of the well paying work is factory jobs or oil rig jobs.
Kim [:Where is Kingsville?
Laura McReynolds [:It's, East Texas, but, like, the south side, like, southeast, like, near the Gulf Coast.
Kim [:Oh, okay. I haven't even heard of it.
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. It's a small town surrounded by a lot more small towns.
Kim [:So what did you do then when you were younger?
Laura McReynolds [:You know, like in school, I did a lot of like advanced classes and stuff like that. I was a little smarty pants kid, and then I joined Cadets when I was in, like, the 5th grade, I think it was.
Kim [:Wait. What does that mean? What program was that?
Laura McReynolds [:It was part of my middle school. So you could join Cadets. It was an extracurricular, and it's kind of like junior ROTC before you can get into junior ROTC. So it's like they would give you like little berets and gloves and you would march in a parade. You would do, like, cadences and stuff like that.
Kim [:Oh my goodness. You must have I could see you as a little girl. You must have been so dang cute with your beret on and marching around.
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. And it was fun. And then once I got to high school, I did Junior ROTC. I was on, like the unarmed drill team, the orienteering team. So I got to do a lot of fun stuff like that.
Kim [:Do you have a family history of military women or military men in your family?
Laura McReynolds [:Just my dad. My dad joined the army when right before I was born. I don't remember exactly what his MOS was. He said they called them cable dogs. He would run, like, wires for satellites for, like, signal and stuff like that.
Kim [:Oh, okay. Is that what inspired you to get into JROTC?
Laura McReynolds [:Probably a little bit because he liked war movies and I was watching them with him like the whole time. Oh. But when you see war movies, you don't see female soldiers. So when we had like a town parade, like, a Christmas parade or something when I was younger, they had the ROTC from a local college was marching, and and there's women in uniform, and that got me really excited. I'm like, oh, like, that's an option for real for real, you know? So I thought that was exciting.
Kim [:Oh, wow. Yeah. I didn't even think of that, the old war movies.
Dakota [:Yeah. Now that you bring it up. Yeah. I kind of realized that they're yeah. That women, there's not a lot in those movies.
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. There was no female soldiers in Saving Private Ryan or, you know, anything like
Kim [:that. Right. Yeah. Right. So this parade kind of inspired you?
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. Actually, it did. And then when I got to high school, like I said, I took some advanced classes. And then when I was looking at my options for college, I didn't know who I was gonna pay for that.
Dakota [:And so is that why you joined the military?
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. My parents had just split up and so that's hard as a teenager and I went from acing advanced classes to my grades were slipping. I was also working, like, multiple jobs. I was, like, hard keeping up and contributing to my family. I didn't think I'd get as many scholarships, so I decided to look into, like, different programs that involved ROTC in college. There was programs that would help pay for 2 years, but I wanted to go to school for 4 years. And I just didn't really know how to get my adult life started when I was 17. So I joined the Army Reserves, and I figured if I fulfill my obligations, they would help me with the GI Bill.
Kim [:Well, that all makes sense. Yeah. When when you're feeling pressed for resources on how you're gonna go to school, the military actually follows through very well with that.
Laura McReynolds [:And not just that. I mean, it was like the you know, it's organized, like how organized it is and, like, how stable it is. Like, it being a young adult, you know, again, 17 is when I joined the reserves. 18 is when I went active duty. So it's just like when you're unsure what to do with your adult life, how to begin it, it's like this was a stable way to do it and contribute. You know, you serve your country. They teach you to be an adult in the military. It seemed like a a good trade.
Dakota [:Yeah, absolutely. So what made you go from reserves to active duty?
Laura McReynolds [:I was trying to take care of myself. It was either graduate and struggle to like make enough money and still go to college, not let your grades slip while you're trying to work to pay for an apartment. It just seemed like so much in the military seemed like a pretty easy answer. You know, I was used to it from all the ROTC. I was in like the physical training, like PT teams. I would compete in stuff like that. It just seemed natural to me to be like, okay, well, it's not gonna be that hard. I know how to do this stuff, but I was I was definitely wrong.
Laura McReynolds [:It was hard.
Kim [:Yeah. That's definitely a different type of transition.
Dakota [:Yeah.
Kim [:And how long were you in the Army Reserves for?
Laura McReynolds [:For a year. For my senior year, I was in a program called split ops. So I joined as soon as I turned 17, like 2 or 3 days after my birthday. And then I did my senior year reporting 1 weekend a month.
Dakota [:How did your family feel about you joining?
Laura McReynolds [:They didn't want me to join, but they also couldn't support me through college, and there just wasn't a lot going on there. I remember to join at 17, you needed to have both of your parents sign off on it, like, with your recruiters. I remember telling my recruiter, I'm like, yeah. I'll go get right on that. I'm like, they're outside in the car, like, waiting. And so I went outside and I actually signed for them. And then I went back in and they they accepted that. So I just knew like it would be chaotic if I stayed behind and didn't join, like I needed to join.
Laura McReynolds [:I'm very glad that I did get through with my with my little lie there.
Dakota [:Yeah. Wow. Were you nervous about that?
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah, a little bit. And then when my parents are like, How can you join? And I was I just I told them, I'm like, In the state of Texas, you're an adult at 17 and they bought it. So I'm like, okay, I'm out.
Dakota [:Yeah. Wow.
Kim [:Well, good for you for trying to make a better life for yourself.
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah, definitely.
Kim [:And going towards what felt natural to you of since 5th grade.
Dakota [:Right. So can you walk us through like what basic was like for you?
Laura McReynolds [:Basic, I thought was fun. I was in basic at 17, and I had just been competing in like physical fitness for the JRLTC for 3 years. So when I got there, that part seemed pretty easy. Like they punish you with push ups, you know, half face left and alright. And it's like some people would be crying, some people would be on their knees, you know, like really quickly. Now Now I'm just there, like, oh, I can do this, like, competitively, like, piece of cake. I think the tough part for me was, like, the mental aspect. Like, someone comes in, they're, like, screaming at you or yelling and like go, go, go.
Laura McReynolds [:That's very anxiety inducing. So the mental part was really hard for me.
Dakota [:Yeah, absolutely. How did you overcome that in basic?
Laura McReynolds [:I think I just stayed the strong silent type.
Dakota [:Yeah. Absolutely.
Laura McReynolds [:It felt like it helped to just not complain, not be outspoken. You just head down, do what you're told. It felt good to feel like I was noticed when I would succeed in something, you know, we would have like the PT charts where we're like competing against each other's scores. And I was always in the top 2.
Kim [:Wow. Good for you.
Laura McReynolds [:Just feeling that kind of support. You know, it's nice, but considering what was going on back home, I mean, this was like I felt like I was getting really good support and like these are just drill sergeants, you know, but they're just so straightforward. It's like you're shooting at the ranges and then they're just, like, also competing against each other to have the better soldiers. So it's like when you do well, they're like, yeah, like, this person's performing. It felt good to be recognized like that.
Dakota [:Yeah. That's awesome. Especially with all the hard work that you put in to get to where you were.
Laura McReynolds [:Right. Right.
Kim [:Laura, where did you go to basic and when?
Laura McReynolds [:I went to Fort Jackson and that was in 2005. And my dad went to Fort Jackson in, you know, the late eighties. So he told me it was called Relax in Jackson. So when I got there and you get off the bus and they line you up for the very first time and you meet the drill sergeants, they're like, like, soldier, like, do you know where you are? And I said, relax in Jackson, and we did so many push ups.
Dakota [:Oh my god.
Laura McReynolds [:It was all my fault.
Dakota [:Oh, that was brave of you.
Laura McReynolds [:It was in fact not relaxing.
Kim [:They were like, oh, no, sista. Nope. We're gonna change that.
Laura McReynolds [:Right.
Dakota [:Right.
Kim [:Where did you go for your AIT?
Laura McReynolds [:I went to Fort Leonard Wood with an '88 mic motor transport operator, so I got to learn how to drive trucks, did, like, night vision training, stuff like that. It was really cool.
Kim [:Are you able to elaborate on that a little bit more just in case we have nonmilitary listeners? Yeah.
Laura McReynolds [:So at Fort Leonard Wood, also because I was split ops and I'd already been in the reserves for a year when I got to AIT, because you do basic training between your junior and senior year, and then after your senior year, you
Kim [:do your
Laura McReynolds [:AIT. And so I went to Fort Leonard Wood to be a motor transport operator. We get trained up, and they were recognizing me as prior service. So they treated me a lot different than they did the kids that were just coming straight out of basic training. They expected me to, like, help them and, like, treat them differently.
Kim [:So you were given more responsibility?
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. Like, they wanted me to be like a squad leader and make sure that everyone's in line and showing up on time and doing things, you know, right. Because I'd already been in the reserves for a year. They just felt like I was more experienced.
Kim [:What did they say? It's like herding cats?
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. Basically. And then we got to do different kinds of training. I did night vision training where you wear night vision goggles to drive through the night. They also did, like, sleep deprivation where they make us stay awake for 48 hours, and then, you drive. Like, it was intense, but it was a lot of fun. You know, you sneak off to like, you could fall asleep standing for 10 minutes here and there.
Dakota [:Wow, that sounds really intense. How do you like the night vision? How was that for you?
Laura McReynolds [:That was a lot of fun. It was anxiety, but it was kind of like, I don't know if you ever play video games, but it kinda seemed like that because you're just trying to stay like on a road that you can't see very well and there's no lighting outside or, you know, anything like that. So that year there was one person that went off the road and rolled the truck over, but no one in my class and not me. So it is it is really tough to do.
Dakota [:Yeah, absolutely. So tell us about your active duty experience.
Laura McReynolds [:So as soon as I was done with AIT, I went active duty and I got stationed at Fort Hood in Texas. The unit they put me in was already deployed. So I got put on a on a rear detachment. A rear detachment is all the people that couldn't deploy and also people that just needed to not deploy to, like, to support from the US side. So, like, they you can request supplies from your unit in Iraq, who would request back home for things to be sent to them, or to just help navigate things back and forth, that way to help support their families. So there are a lot of reasons why you'd be on their rear detachment, whether it was like for a medical reason, a support reason, or if you were pregnant. Pregnant female, you cannot deploy.
Dakota [:How did you like being on active duty?
Laura McReynolds [:It was different. It was immediately not what I expected. I think I was looking for a lot more stability, and I thought once I got to my unit, once I got to where I was gonna be stationed, I thought it was gonna be a lot more professional and immediately wasn't. I'm remembering now. My immediate squad leader was like, you know, I'm the person that's gonna be helping you out. If you need anything, you need support, you let me know. I don't know anything about this post. I'm super nervous about living in a barracks for the first time.
Laura McReynolds [:And I remember the first time I got sick, he had messaged me and said, hey. Like, you're sick in the barracks. Me and some soldiers are gonna, like, get food together. If you want, we can stop by, like, to give you food. And I thought, like, yeah. Like, that's great. And that was a lie. He was a staff sergeant.
Laura McReynolds [:He just ended up showing up on his own. Gave me, like, a homemade lunch he'd made, and I'm like, okay. Like, then he pulls me in for a hug and kisses me on the cheek, and I push him away. I'm like, what? Oh, no. I'm young and nervous, and this is all so new. I just got weirded out, you know, pushed him away and closed the door and pretended that that didn't happen. And then to cover his side in case I talked about it, which, you know, I was too scared. I didn't know who to talk to about stuff like that.
Laura McReynolds [:He'd already got ahead of it and, like, someone, you know, a female soldier's approaching me and she's his best friend and you know, you let him on. Right? And it's like, wait, I was just sick. Like, that's it. But he'd already given her his story that I let her on. I let him on, I mean. Wow.
Kim [:Oh my gosh, Laura. That had to be so scary. You're so young. You're in an unfamiliar environment. Here's someone that's been in the military for years and obviously knows, has probably done this before and knows how to work the system, that could not have felt good for you.
Laura McReynolds [:No. And it made me, like she tried to make me feel guilty, like I've done something inappropriate or
Dakota [:Like it was your fault.
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. Like it was my fault, and I just dug it up. She was high ranking than me. I went I joined as a PFC because of my ROTC experience and some testing, I think I did. And she was a corporal, and they'd already been in. There's, like, relationships and friendships established. So I'm just like, well, immediately this female is not gonna believe me. And I don't feel like arguing a case against, you know, that's Rick.
Dakota [:Yeah. Absolutely. So at this point, how long had you been with this unit when that happened?
Laura McReynolds [:Not very long. That that was as soon as I got I it's like I was fresh meat. Like I was immediately put into this rude attachment. This person's gonna be in charge with me. And then this happened, you know, within a few weeks. Wow.
Kim [:Yeah. So you said you just kind of, am I hearing this right, got small just to stay safe?
Laura McReynolds [:Oh, yeah. Yeah. Definitely. And then I was in for about 2 months, and then that's when the rear tip when the the unit that was deployed came back home, and then there was a lot more people. And then, you know, there's just, like, other NCOs that are back that are way more straight forward. Like, they just came from a deployment where they had to be in charge of people, and they're like they do that thing where they're like, never be caught in an office alone with that person. Like, watch yourself, guard yourself. And it's like, oh, okay.
Laura McReynolds [:So, like, people know things. It just wasn't as organized and like as like I said, it wasn't a professional environment like I thought it would be.
Dakota [:Yeah. Absolutely. So how did that impact the rest of your service?
Laura McReynolds [:I just didn't think that anything was what it seemed. I was 18 at this point. When everyone comes back from a deployment, all they wanna do is party and disassociate from whatever traumas that they just came back from, stresses they've been ignoring. And then being 18, it's like just trying to keep up with everyone. I'm like, alright. Like, this is what you do. You know, you party together. Lots of fraternizing.
Laura McReynolds [:You know, like, I was under the impression, like, you don't hang out with higher ranking when you're lower enlisted and stuff like that, but that's not how it went at all. It was commanders having parties, and all of us are invite, like, we're there. You just can't talk about it. And then you go back to work, and you're supposed to pretend that, like, you know each other only on almost
Kim [:as if I
Laura McReynolds [:had to endure, like, the not fun parts. So it it was almost as if I had to endure, like, the not fun parts. So if, like so for instance, I'm with this unit for a good while, and then we got orders to deploy again. And this time, I'm gonna go with them, and it's for 15 months.
Kim [:And where are you going? Where are you deploying to?
Laura McReynolds [:We went to Al Qaeda, Iraq. It was FOB Delta. It was a forward operating base, so it's not like a big camp with a lot of things, and it didn't have, like, a lot of things to do in your downtime. This was, like, a small camp that had, like, a trailer for a coffee shop. Like, the doctor's office was not it was not a hospital. Like, it's not a hospital setting. It's like an abandoned building that we're putting medical people in to assess you. It's like very bare bones there.
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. I'm just talking about this is making me just remember a lot of other things, you know? So we're there, and my job is, as a transporter, I will resupply checkpoints. I will take anything from medical personnel to equipment to other vehicles to Connex containers. I drove pallet loading systems. Those are trucks that have an arm on the back. They grab giant connex containers. They pull them on the back of the truck, and we would take that. And also even water trucks, we could be driving water trucks out there to resupply with water, potable water.
Laura McReynolds [:And so, like, these missions would be long, and sometimes it would take, like, 8 hours just driving one way. And on roads that are barely roads and these vehicles are really big, we're right next to the where, like, the Euphrates and Tigris River would meet. And so we would have to cross the river on a bridge that's fairly big enough to accommodate our vehicles. Like, you have maybe 2 or 3 inches on either side of your truck before, you know, you drop into a river. So it's just like choke points like that would make you really anxiety, but also you have to ignore it. You ignore all anxieties when you're over there because it's like, I just gotta get it done. I gotta get across. You gotta be okay with it.
Laura McReynolds [:You gotta be alert. You can't be distracted by feelings.
Kim [:So true. Complete the task at hand.
Laura McReynolds [:Right. And it would be exhausting, and then you can't be complacent, and so you're never using the same routes and stuff or just go Reveille at the same times. So anything could happen at any time. Like, hey, wake up. It's 2 AM. It's time to roll out. Like we're gonna go. And it's like, okay, here we go.
Laura McReynolds [:And then we come back, and it's like you're living off MREs when you're out there. So when you come back to the forward operating base, you're like, okay. I have enough time to service my vehicle and maybe get to the defect at, like, a warm you know, a hot meal. I just remember, like, I'd be so flustered almost. Like, just leave me alone. Like, leave me alone. I just wanna do what I gotta do. And I remember an officer wanted to sit with us to lift morale at the DFAC.
Laura McReynolds [:He was, like, nudging me and like, hey. Like, what's going on? And I just said, you know, please don't touch me. I'm just trying to eat my food. And then he's like, oh, don't be like that. And he's, like, being playful. And I'm like, please just leave me alone. I'm not in the mood to entertain. And he continued on, so I'm just, like, I blew up, and I cursed, and I'm, like, leave me alone.
Laura McReynolds [:And I raised my voice. And now he's upset, and he's looking at the NTOs around me, and he's like, you better get her in line. And he walks off and it's like, right now I'm gonna be in trouble because you're bothering me.
Dakota [:Wow. Sounds like he's trying to save face and blamed you for that, even though he had no respect for what you're requesting. That is wild. Wow.
Laura McReynolds [:And then, you know, the people around me are thinking like, I'm being ridiculous for blowing up over something so simple. And I'm just like, you know, it's like, oh, come on. Like, we've all drank together before and stuff back in the US side and things like that. And I'm like, I we've never been friends though. You know? We're just victims of our environment, really. Like, that's the only thing that put us in the same place is that there are options of what you can do when you're that young. I was 20 when I deployed, and my adult life this far has been in the military. So it's always like higher ranking people are your parents.
Laura McReynolds [:It's like, do what you're told, do what you're told, and you're still not allowed to talk back no matter how annoying they're being.
Kim [:And those blow ups those blow ups that you have and a lot of us have is from suppressing, like, those feelings of people crossing our boundaries. But it sounds like you had to do that quite a bit in order to survive in that environment.
Laura McReynolds [:Oh, yeah. I mean, there was more than once where I spoke up and I got punished for it. It's like having a a full workday. At one point, I worked for supply. You fulfill a lot of jobs when you're over there. I mean, I've been an armor for the unit. I've been s one for the unit. I've worked in the supply office.
Laura McReynolds [:I did all of these things before, and then when we deploy, they're like, actually, we're short on drivers. You're gonna come to this company and be a driver now. You're gonna be on convoys. So it's like all these different hats I had to wear, and then you think it's, like, all professional. Like, I'm going to get a supply request. Okay. I gotta go out in 140 degree heat index and open conex containers that are just sitting on rocks, and I'm gonna open them and they're very hot inside and pull out the supplies, and then the soldiers that are supposed to pick them up never show up. So what am I supposed to do? Waste more time there? I close-up shop.
Laura McReynolds [:I walk out. I go up my chain of command. I say, hey. They didn't show up. I'm out there. And then, you know, when the soldiers that were supposed to show up, when they're higher ranking, you know, NCOs hear about me complaining, a specialist is complaining, oh my god, I got chewed up. Like, you think you're in charge, you think you can do this and that. And it's like, I was relaying information.
Laura McReynolds [:I've got other things I have to do, other jobs to complete, and I can't just be waiting out there. And it's like, you know, you have to write. In Iraq, they wanted me to write an essay on how I respected my authorities and my higher ranking and what it means to be a soldier. And it's like, I could die on convoy and you're making me write an essay about how I was upset that you wasted my time.
Dakota [:No. Do you feel like being a female over there was different for you versus like your peers that were also the same rank?
Laura McReynolds [:In a way, I don't think that lower enlisted male soldiers were getting talked to the way that I got talked to. And it was kind of like, who do you think you are for complaining type stuff when I would say anything. But also, I think a lot of it just had to do with the, you know, what they say, you know, it it all, you know, it all rolls downhill. And when this NCO is getting after me and then you find out over nothing and then you find out, oh, he got chewed out by someone higher ranking than him that morning. So it's like they use you as an outlet to take out their frustrations because they can't talk back to their higher chain of command.
Dakota [:Right. Yeah. So while you were over there, did you have a lot of females around you or can you kind of describe what that looked like?
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. I did have females around me, and it was rough because some females want distractions and some females don't. And I had a best friend that was with me over there. She's no longer with us. And, you know, things would happen that would just stress us out because I had to go visit, like, different checkpoints. And these checkpoints were training up Iraqi police and, like, Iraqi soldiers, like, to help keep, like, the peace in their towns and villages and stuff like that. And they're being trained by our military police and our military, you know, and our soldiers. And so when you go to these checkpoints, it's mostly male dominated.
Laura McReynolds [:And then you have to have kitchen staff that stay there and the kitchen staff is just what you have available from your unit to provide there. It's always 2 people running, you know, 2 hot meals a day. My best friend was one of them. And so being 2 females at a forward operating I mean, at a check point was really nerve wracking because I would go visit them and resupply them. And hearing their stories of, like, there's fights happening, chain of commander, you know, upset with lower enlisted because instead of guarding the showers while the female the only 2 females showered, like someone's videotaping them or recording them, secretly, and, like, they got caught by a first sergeant. Like, my heart just broke for her because she has to serve these people food every day. And, you know, it's supposed to be your brothers and sisters in arms and stuff like that. So it's just really heartbreaking to know that there's only so much that you can do when you're stuck in a place like that.
Dakota [:Yeah. Absolutely. Well, thank you for sharing that with us.
Kim [:Yeah. Thank you. Can you talk a little bit about what happened to your best friend?
Laura McReynolds [:She got out of the military, and she married someone that she met while we were in Iraq. When you get out of the military, it's really hard to stay in touch with your friends because now you're not at the same base. Now you're all back in your home states or the state you decided to settle in. It turned out that she was in an abusive relationship, and no amount of phone conversations could get her to get out of that. Because she was out, she didn't know how to contact her husband's chain of command to say that anything was happening. He made it very hard for her to know any information about him, like even who he was serving under. So she died from violence.
Kim [:Oh gosh.
Laura McReynolds [:He killed her, and he got away with it. They said it was in self defense, and I don't believe that at all. I mean, I know her, and I know what she was dealing with up until that point. He never got anything. There was, like, never any justice there. He just says it was self defense, and he gets to keep their kids and continue to serve in the military.
Kim [:Oh gosh, Laura. I'm so sorry. That must have been terrible for you to hear.
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. And I heard about it a few months after it had actually happened. Because she wouldn't leave him, he was alienating her from all of her friends, so I'd already stopped talking to her. And then I was thinking about her, and I dreamt about her, and I wanted to reach out to her, and I saw I found her obituary.
Kim [:My goodness. You you have been put in front of a lot of trauma at a young age.
Laura McReynolds [:Oh, yeah.
Kim [:And then it just sounds like it was compiled for a long time. And so what was the turning point? How did you find that resiliency and strength?
Laura McReynolds [:I just knew that the things I was feeling and the thing I was searching for weren't in line, and I didn't know how to reach what, you know, the stability I was searching for. I didn't know how to reach that inner peace. The amount of trauma being in the military was all compounded on each on itself. And, every time when I was in, every time something happened, I wasn't sure how to deal with it. A really good friend was killed in a head on collision by a drunk driver. Another good friend took his life before we deployed. I just never knew how to deal with that. So once I was out, I still didn't know how to cope, and I didn't know what PTSD was.
Laura McReynolds [:I didn't think that I had PTSD. I didn't think I had anxiety or depression either, but I was suffering, and I did have all of those things. I just didn't have a name for it. I just didn't feel stable. So I found out about the county VA services. I found out about speaking with, like, a counselor. They recommended me for some type of, like, evaluations. They helped me make appointments.
Laura McReynolds [:I got lined up with the VA medical, you know, clinic. I got ID card made. I found all these resources for veterans. And once you start using some of them, a lot more of them pop up for you. And so once I do, like, these interviews and evaluations and things like that, I find out I am a disabled veteran. I have been impacted by my experiences, and there are ways to manage those stresses. You know, I got a really good therapist that helped me. She put me in a DBT group, which is a dialectical behavioral therapy, and it was a women's group.
Laura McReynolds [:So being around other women, sharing your experiences, it just felt like it all suddenly made sense. And then the more things that I was approved for, like pain management as a truck driver, my low back is very compressed. So like now the VA offers like chiropractic and acupuncture for pain management and physical therapy. So getting the pain under control also helps with your mental health. It just seemed like everything was getting in line there for me. Seeing like the light at the other side makes you really, really want to continue looking, you know, for ways to improve and to learn new skills to manage your stresses. So I just kept doing this, and my most recent therapist had recommended me to a women's retreat. And so I got to do that with the Red Wing operation, and that was also very impactful.
Kim [:Yeah. You and Dakota attended that together.
Laura McReynolds [:We did. That's that's definitely where we met and just got to experience, like, different ways to cope, more skills. They even had some accelerated, I forgot what it was called, rehabilitation therapy. So it was like ART. That was profound, to say the least. And it's like every time I, I use one of these resources, I come out of it feeling more at peace and definitely more myself.
Dakota [:Good. That's great to hear. How was it for you to reach out for help that first time?
Laura McReynolds [:Honestly, it was nerve wracking because I'm not too sure what I'm looking for, and there's honestly a lot of dead ends in the beginning. They think back then, this was 15 years ago, it was like, oh, she needs to get put on medications. And the medications were doing the opposite of helping, trying out different things where they're all not good for me. It took a while to get recommended for a therapist. And then when I got one, it was awful, and she would never show up, and then canceled a lot. And I was feeling manic at this time, like I really need to talk to someone. It was really hard. And then getting that first therapist that showed up and really helped open my eyes was like, oh, okay.
Laura McReynolds [:Like, this is what I was supposed to be feeling this whole time. Like that was it made me Reveille, like, it's worth trying over and over. Because until I got the good therapist, I'd given up. I'm like, none of these avenues are working. The system is broken. I'm not getting put through. It's hard to get scheduled. The appointments are spaced out.
Laura McReynolds [:I just felt what I'd been feeling, which was helpless and hopeless. And then, once I got in with the therapist that really helped me and I got all the support I needed from her, I was just like, oh, okay. Like, I'm so glad I came back because eventually you get what you need. And then even when she had to leave, she recommended me to another therapist that was in the system and she was even more amazing. And I'm just like, this is finally falling in line, you know, just had to keep trying. And I'm so glad I kept trying. And I hope anyone out there struggling keeps trying because eventually it will fall in line. It's just tough.
Kim [:Laura, when you came back from that retreat, you and the other women that went did a really good job of keeping in touch afterwards. Why was that so important for you?
Laura McReynolds [:It's just a community of women that understand each other. We're, you know, very judgment free and caring and supportive. So when we meet up for a coffee or anything like that, it's unlike any other, you know, get together. Because here, it's like, you let your hair down. You're just talking to each other. You just fall right into step with each other. It doesn't matter how much time has passed. We've catch up.
Laura McReynolds [:We gossip. We unload. It's just very understanding.
Dakota [:Yeah. And I think it's so great that you were nervous at first, and you didn't have a really good experience when you did ask for help, but you were persistent and you finally found something that worked for you. And now you're on this healing journey and you're continuing to reach out for help and get those resources to make a better quality of life for yourself and your family. That's great.
Laura McReynolds [:Right. Exactly. I mean, I started my family because of a good therapist, you know, like I felt good with myself. I felt accepting of myself. I felt grace for what I was struggling with and where I wanted to improve. And I'm just like, oh, like I can do like this. I felt confident. Like I can start a family.
Laura McReynolds [:I can do these things. And I've done them. I'm very happy with that.
Dakota [:Good. I'm proud of you. That's amazing.
Laura McReynolds [:I appreciate that.
Kim [:And listening to you, you are this hard charging soldier. It sounds like you had a mission. You're given a mission and you're you were just hard charging and made those missions happen. And it was the same thing in the civilian world. You were like, no, I'm worth more than this. Like, I'm gonna figure this out. So just like to piggyback off Dakota, we are we're I'm so proud of you. Thank you.
Dakota [:So as we wrap this up, we usually like to ask what advice would you have for any women who are currently in the military or thinking about joining?
Laura McReynolds [:If you're in, definitely know that you're not alone and to do your best to advocate for yourself, but that is easier said than done. And then for anyone that wants to join, I would just make sure that all other options are exhausted before joining because I don't know what it's like right now, but when I was in, it just, it wasn't very validating for women. And if it were a child that wanted to join, I would do everything I could to support them to not join. It's not what I thought it would be. I'm very patriotic and I love supporting our soldiers, and I believe in serving your country. I also know that it's very hard when you're in and you don't get the kind of support that you deserve.
Dakota [:Well, great. Thank you so much for joining us today and telling your story, speaking your truth.
Laura McReynolds [:Yeah. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.
Kim [:Thank you for tuning into Dog Tag Diaries. We appreciate your willingness to listen and engage with these stories as we understand the challenge that comes with sharing and hearing them. Your support in witnessing the experience of our military women is invaluable. These stories are meant to inspire and provide meaning, and we hope they can help you find your own voice as well.
Dakota [:If you or anyone you know are in need of immediate help, call the crisis line by dialing 988, then press 1. There are resources available to help and provide guidance during difficult times. Please visit our website www.reveilleandretreat project.org to learn more about the Reveille and Retreat project, including upcoming retreats for military women and resources. The link is in the show notes. We'll be here again next Wednesday. Keep finding the hope, the healing, and the power in community.
