Women in Uniform: Lorrena Black's Inspirational Story of Growth and Giving Back -39

NOTE:

We feel it is important to make our podcast transcripts available for accessibility. We use quality artificial intelligence tools to make it possible for us to provide this resource to our audience. We do have human eyes reviewing this, but they will rarely be 100% accurate. We appreciate your patience with the occasional errors you will find in our transcriptions. If you find an error in our transcription, or if you would like to use a quote, or verify what was said, please feel free to reach out to us at connect@37by27.com.

Kim [: 00:00:01

From surviving a turbulent childhood to becoming a United States Army Major, Lorrena Black's twenty five year military journey is nothing short of extraordinary. In this episode, she opens up about the struggles she faced, the resilience she discovered, and how she turned her experiences into a mission to empower others. Whether you're seeking inspiration, leadership wisdom, or insight into life in uniform, Lorrena's story will leave you motivated to find your purpose and stand tall in the face of adversity. Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries. I'm your host, Captain Kim. Our podcast is where military women speak their truths and share the stories that have shaped their lives. From moments of resilience to hard won triumphs, we hold nothing back. Twenty twenty four was a year of incredible milestones for this community.

Kim [: 00:01:03

Our voices were heard in over 33 countries around the world, And we ranked an Apple Podcast's top 200 in personal journeys in The United States, a testament to the power of authentic storytelling. Now as we launch season four, we invite you to journey with us once again. This is more than a podcast. This is a movement. Let's break barriers, shatter silence, and amplify the voices of military women everywhere. Thank you for listening, sharing, and making this possible. This is dog tag diaries. Lorrena Black is a retired United States Army veteran and the founder CEO of She Served.

Kim [: 00:01:57

With a distinguished military career spanning twenty five years, she rose from the rank of private to major, demonstrating exceptional leadership and dedication. Now she uses her expertise to empower veterans in finding their purpose and thriving after military service. A mother of four teenagers and a devoted community advocate, Lorrena holds advanced degrees in management and leadership and serves on the board of CATCH Charity for Children. Lorrena. Oh my goodness. Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries. Thank you for being here.

Lorrena Black [: 00:02:33

Well, thank you for having me on. This is awesome.

Kim [: 00:02:37

I know you look like you're ready to go, and I'm so excited because, oh, we wanna hear your story. Like and we always start we always ask about what Lorrena was like as a child.

Lorrena Black [: 00:02:48

Yeah. So I was dramatic a little bit as a child. Like, I have this memory of my mom telling me that she heard me crying one day, and so she rushed into the bathroom panicking, and I was just sitting in front of the mirror, like, practicing, crying. Now I never used it maliciously, but I always thought I was gonna end up an actress as an actress, so it's funny that I ended up in the army because they're they're not closely related. But I was that I talk about this a lot like my with the people pleaser side of myself. I definitely saw that coming out when I was younger. If I think back that, that definitely started. But I was, I think, relatively good kid.

Lorrena Black [: 00:03:29

I always wanted to make sure my mom was okay and my mom was happy and those types of things. But, yes, dramatic would sum it up a little bit. Where did you grow up? So I grew up in Vancouver, Washington. So I was born in California, moved to Tacoma, Washington before I turned one. And so from age of one until I think about nine or 10, we lived in Tacoma, Washington and then moved to Vancouver, and I was there until I joined the army when I was 18.

Kim [: 00:03:55

Oh, you say Tacoma, Washington. Was your mom or dad in the military? Because that's where Fort Lewis is.

Lorrena Black [: 00:04:03

Yeah. My dad actually had served for a hot second back in the dirt, like, Vietnam era, but that well, I don't think that had anything to do. I don't really know what made us move from California to Washington. I I never asked that question, actually. So I'm not I'm not sure, but it didn't have anything to do with the military. I don't think. And how was your family life growing up? The early years were a little rough, like, I'll say. My mom and my dad were never married.

Lorrena Black [: 00:04:32

So when my mom left that relationship with my dad, she ended up getting with a different guy. He was my stepdad, and he's the father of my youngest brother. And he was very abusive to me and my sister, my younger sister, and my older sister as well. And it was always that it was covert, so it would always happen when my mom was at home, when my mom was working. I don't think that my mom ever knew. And my mom passed away in 02/2004, so I can't ask her these questions now that I've started unpacking all of this because I had all of this very neatly packed in a box until a couple of years ago. And now I'm unpacking all these things, and I'm like, yeah. Okay.

Lorrena Black [: 00:05:10

This was all pretty bad. But he was a pretty bad guy, and it escalated to the point of when my older sister was 16. He sexually assaulted her while we were in the house. I was nine. So that was a pretty traumatic experience in my childhood. And sorry to go straight into the to the ugly, but I'm realizing more and more how much that has shaped me and decisions I've made and things I've carried because I didn't realize it for a long time.

Kim [: 00:05:38

Yeah. And isn't it interesting as we get older, it manifests itself in different ways until we start, like you said, unpacking. You neatly packed it in there.

Lorrena Black [: 00:05:49

Yeah. It's funny, but not funny. But my younger sister and I so when this happened, it was in the home. It was my sister that's a year and a half younger than me, and my brother was three at the time. And to make matters worse, he made he forced my brother to watch while it was going on. And so my brother would come out of the room and tell my sister and I, you know, things, and we were terrified to call. Because when it fur before it happened, my sister's like, Lorrena, go call when she knew, like, something was, like, not good was about to happen. And he was like, don't touch that phone.

Lorrena Black [: 00:06:19

And it's my earliest memory of putting myself above somebody else. And I do when I think about the pleaser in me now, I think that that shaped that I, as again, unpacking, but my younger sister and I, we spent a lot of years laughing about like some of the abuse things that happened. Like we wouldn't really talk about the, the assault of my older sister because for a long time, I felt that that was her trauma, and it wasn't mine, and it wasn't mine to talk about. And it's recently that I've really realized that she's given me permission to she said to me, Lorrena, that this happened to all of us. Like, this is something that affected all of us. But my younger sister and I would focus more on, like, this time he would hit us and stuff. And we used to we would just laugh and joke about, oh, remember when this happened? Remember when that happened? And then now we're both in our forties, and we're like, oh my goodness. Us doing that was a trauma response that we didn't realize was happening.

Lorrena Black [: 00:07:10

So it's just it is so interesting the way that those early traumas can affect.

Kim [: 00:07:15

Yeah. It really is. And I think it's beautiful now that all two of your sisters and you want to get together and talk about that and unpack that and allow that to be freed from inside.

Lorrena Black [: 00:07:27

Yeah. It was this probably this past summer was a really good my older sister and I went to California together to visit our other family. And, well, it was like the second time, like, we really started talking about it because I'd been so afraid to bring things up. And she was here a year ago and blew my my socks off because I was talking to her about something that had happened because just to add, you know, to the layers of trauma after that happened, I was molested by the old man who lived across the street from us. And I was talking to my sister about it, and I was like, it was telling her it was crazy how my mom I came in the house, and I was acting weird. And my mom, like, instantly knew something was up because we used to go over there and hang out with him and his wife. I don't know. It was a weird thing.

Lorrena Black [: 00:08:07

But my mom instantly went out the door because she knew something was not right. And my sister was like, yeah, I was so mad. And I was like, what are you talking about? You weren't there. She was like, what are you talking about? And I was like, you left. Like, she because she moved to go live with her dad after this happened. And I was like, you left immediately. She's like, Lorrena, I didn't move for a year after it happened. I have no memory of that year, and it so blew my mind to be like, oh my gosh.

Lorrena Black [: 00:08:33

Like, so and her telling you that and then giving me permission to ask questions because now I'm questioning my memories. I was like, is this real? Did this happen? What did, like it just blows my mind.

Kim [: 00:08:44

Yeah. Because your brain is so smart. It wants to protect you. And as a kid, we're we don't know what's going on. We haven't experienced the world yet. So it does those things that it needs to do to keep us safe. Wow.

Kim [: 00:08:58

So interesting. And so it's so, again, wonderful that you all are able to sit together and talk about it and unpack it. Was that a part of going into the military, getting away from this world that was created?

Lorrena Black [: 00:09:14

I didn't realize it that that part of the world because after shortly after that happened, we moved that's when we moved to Vancouver. So that's what prompted us to leave Tacoma and kind of restart. And I was in into fourth grade when that happened. And then the fourth grade through high school, it was my mom mostly, you know, with me and my younger sister and brother. And I imagine maybe those formative years had a role to play in the person that I was becoming because I found myself just I was a follower. And that people pleaser thing I was talking about, like, I didn't have a lot of friends, but the ones I had, you know, they ebb and flow, like, the relationships a little bit. And I was always trying to kind of find my myself in my place until I'd find myself groups or situations that I had no business being in, making choices that were just really bad. And so when it came time, I was in high school, I had no idea.

Lorrena Black [: 00:10:05

It wasn't like I see with my teenagers now where the school's like, okay. We're gonna do SAT prep, and here's your college counselor or your counselor to talk about college. And my mom didn't go to college, so she wasn't really equipped to help me with any of that. So I had no idea what I was gonna do. I I told you I had aspirations to be an actress, but I didn't really know how to make that happen. So I I didn't really know. And right after I graduated high school, I'd moved to live with my dad and my stepmom in California. And the thought was that they were gonna move to Louisiana, and then I could start school there.

Lorrena Black [: 00:10:34

And then that never happened. But while I was in California, my stepmom was talking about her time in the air force, and I'd never known that she had been in the air force, and she was an air traffic controller. So it just in the back of my mind, this nugget was placed in my head. And so didn't think, oh, I should do nothing like that. I was overweight as a teenager. So again, the military recruiters, they didn't look at me. I didn't look at them. It was not anything, but I'd lost a lot of weight that summer.

Lorrena Black [: 00:11:00

I went home. I was working my, I think, sixth or eighth job of that year at a department store when my recruiter found me and the whole story of, you know, do you know so and so and all of that. And then he was like, have you ever thought about the military? And I was just like, absolutely not. I've seen Full Metal Jacket. No. Thank you. I like telling that joke. And then also saying I I did learn later that was the Marine Corps, not the army.

Lorrena Black [: 00:11:26

But but as he was talking to me, I was intrigued by this idea of something that I couldn't quit because I had gotten to a place where every time something was uncomfortable or hard, I was quitting. I was walking away from it. And he was like, this gives you a chance. You can't just walk away from the army. It would take me out of the life that I've you know, the road I saw myself going down. It would give me this idea of traveling, of leaving home. I could go to school, like, all of those things. I was just like, yes.

Lorrena Black [: 00:11:52

I wanna do this. And I called the air force recruiter because, you know, my I was like, maybe the air force would be the way. And they were like, the guy just rushed me off the phone and was like, no, no, no. So I was like, okay. And then the Navy guy tried to get me to enlist, like, sign a whole packet. And then my army recruiter was like, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, what do you do? No. No. No.

Lorrena Black [: 00:12:08

And I was like, oh, I don't know. He just gave me this paperwork and told me to

Kim [: 00:12:12

Yeah. He's like, I need to meet my quota, lady, over here.

Lorrena Black [: 00:12:16

But then they talked about, like, six months out of the year on a boat. I was like, no. Thank you. So the army is where I went, and my family was entirely shot. Every person who knew me was like, I'm sorry. What? Like, Lorrena cannot join the army. She's too nice to join the army. Like, what is like, that's this is crazy.

Lorrena Black [: 00:12:33

I was even shocked that I decided to do it, and I was terrified, but I was also really excited and intrigued by something that was bigger than me and that would, you know, change my life. And it did. It was exactly that. And I have to say, like, that's the one time again, didn't think about that until recently unpacking that that people pleaser helped me because I learned really quick to make you happy. I'm safe. And I just have to be in the right place, right uniform, right time. And everybody wins.

Kim [: 00:13:03

Yeah. So it seemed like perfect conditions.

Lorrena Black [: 00:13:05

It was. And everything was just I was told what to do, where to be, what to wear. Now don't get me wrong. I was not perfect all the time. I made poor choices. I did was a dumb private, all those things. But mostly, I was like, okay. I think I get this.

Kim [: 00:13:21

Yeah. Well, we are. When we go in as private, it's like not even as private. It's just a culture shock. You go in from the civilian world where you kinda have, like, free reign, and then all of a sudden, you're being shoved in the cattle trucks telling to put you to put your head down. And then, like, you get off the cattle truck and they're shaking you down and yelling at you, and you're like, wait a second. What the heck just happened?

Lorrena Black [: 00:13:45

And then what's crazy is they give you this book, and it's got this whole packing list in it. And it's like bathrobe and this. And so I, as the rule follower, packed every single item on that list. So I'm have all these bags and they're like, you private, you packed it. You better figure it out. And I'm like, trying to like, I don't have to carry all this. And then they put it away for the whole time you're there. I'm like, why did you tell me bring it all? Yes.

Lorrena Black [: 00:14:07

I just had to I don't even I never had a bathrobe. I went and bought a bathrobe because it was on the list.

Kim [: 00:14:16

Well, where did you do your basic training?

Lorrena Black [: 00:14:19

So I went to Fort Jackson. So I did basic and AIT at Fort Jackson because when I joined, I was it was 75 hotel at the time, which is human resources specialist. Oh, okay. Is that what you were gravitating towards or did the recruiter kind of push you that way? I wasn't very academically inclined, I'll say, in high school. So when I took my ASVAB, I didn't score very high, and I didn't score high in a lot of, like, the areas except for in clerical. So my recruiter was like, you score pretty good here. And I was like, okay. So when I went in to meet with the guy at the MET station, he was like, oh, we have some great jobs to offer you.

Lorrena Black [: 00:14:56

How about a food service specialist? I was like, that's a cook, and I don't think I wanna do that. And he was like, okay. Fine. How about a transportation specialist? I was like, that sounds like a truck driver. I not a good driver as it is. I don't think that's a good idea. I was like, my recruiter said I scored pretty okay in clerical, and I just I don't wanna join. And I'm actually wanna back up.

Lorrena Black [: 00:15:17

I was really proud of myself for this moment because I actually advocated for myself because I was like, I don't wanna join and pick something that I'm not gonna like and then wanna go home. And the guy was like, fine. Let me see what I could do. But if we can give it to you, you have to leave when we say, for how many years we say. I was like, okay. Sure. So that's when he came back and he was like, okay. Human resources specialist, but you have to leave on February 25 and you have to sign up for four years.

Lorrena Black [: 00:15:40

And I was like, sure. Okay. My mom wanted me to only do two years. So when I she was a little upset when I came back and was like, I signed up for four. But yeah. So that's how I ended up in that in that MOS. Okay.

Kim [: 00:15:52

So you went to Fort Jackson.

Lorrena Black [: 00:15:54

Mhmm.

Kim [: 00:15:54

And then where did you do your AIT? Did you say your specialty training?

Lorrena Black [: 00:15:58

Also at Fort Jackson. Oh. So it was, like, basic and then they bust us two blocks down to do AIT there or the training.

Kim [: 00:16:05

Oh, well, that's no fun.

Lorrena Black [: 00:16:07

It's the same pace. It is. I was a little when, like, friends were getting, like, going to their next place. So I was kinda like, but it was okay.

Kim [: 00:16:16

So you stayed in for twenty five years. Let's talk about that. And you went from an enlisted soldier to an officer. So there is a lot in between those twenty five years. Let's talk about it.

Lorrena Black [: 00:16:30

Yeah. So after AIT, I went to Fort Benning. I was that was my first duty station. And when I was at Fort Benning, again, I was a dumb private. Like, an example of this is, like, I didn't realize that once you got out of training, you still had to come to PT. So so I wouldn't show up sometimes and they'd be like private. Where were you? I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't feel good this morning.

Lorrena Black [: 00:16:54

They're like, no. That's not how this works. Or we went to NTC in California, and I packed the one pick. Because I was also a broke private because I was sending money home to my mom. So I sent the one pair of running shoes I had I packed it in the clinic. So when we got back, I didn't have shoes. So they're like, private. Why are you not at PTO? I was like, Oh, I don't have my running shoes.

Lorrena Black [: 00:17:12

So then I showed up one day in these platform like sneaker, and they were just like, Oh, my gosh, You be out here every day at 6AM in your just BDUs, like, and your boots because and then my the NCOIC or I worked for at the time, she told me I would never make it past my first enlistment. She was basically like, you're not gonna make it. Like and I am so happy that I proved her wrong. Like, I wish that I was connected with her today so she could just see how wrong she was about me.

Kim [: 00:17:39

Should we go, like, investigate and find her on Facebook?

Lorrena Black [: 00:17:44

I think I might have tried once or twice. While at Fort Benning, I I ended up extending. So my the plan the deal with my mom was that I was gonna do four years. So after my third year, I decided that I wanted to go to Germany. And so I was trying to get to Alaska to follow a boy, and glad that that didn't work out because when as soon as I told him I couldn't get Alaska, he broke up with me. So I was really glad that I didn't do I almost actually got out because of this boy. Ever it was a whole mess, but luckily, I didn't. So I went to ended up going to Germany.

Lorrena Black [: 00:18:15

And then while I was there, nine eleven happened, and I met my ex husband there and was there. I ended up being in Germany for five years. I did get deployed. I only went as far as Kuwait. We were pushing the other our battalions into Iraq, but I was in the brigade s one. But I was I made sergeant e five while I was in Germany, then I made staff sergeant. I put in a warrant packet, never got accepted for that. And I think I reenlisted in Germany.

Lorrena Black [: 00:18:40

And finally, my mom was like, okay. And she stopped saying when you come home to now you just need to see this through. Because my older sister's dad had spent thirty two years in the navy, so he was always saying, no. She needs to keep doing this. So my mom kinda switched her tone. But also during that time, that's when we lost her to lung cancer. So I was in Germany and I was set to leave for Kuwait, and I had but they pushed me to that following weekend. So I had gone, saw my ex husband off and then got home, and my mom called me.

Lorrena Black [: 00:19:13

I'd been home in October. So three months before then, I had been home, and I had made some long distance international calls on her phone. And she was like, are you gonna pay me for the phone bill? And I was like, oh, sorry, mom. And she just sounded not great. And I was like, well, how's everything going? She's like, you know, it's fine. I can't work because my back and just all this. And then she gets off the phone and my sister gets on the phone with me, and she was like, yeah. Mom's on oxygen.

Lorrena Black [: 00:19:39

And I was like, woah. Woah. Wait. I don't understand. If she's fine and she's okay, why is she on oxygen? And then my sister got really quiet, and I was like, what's going on? And she's like, no. But and I was like, do not lie to me. Two hours later, I had a Red Cross message telling me my mom had two weeks left to live. So had I got on that plane that day or even had my sister not, like, got off the phone and been like, you are not gonna have her hate me forever.

Lorrena Black [: 00:20:07

Because my mom always wanted to protect me. She wanted to keep me safe. So I thinking, you know, I'm living in this bubble thinking she's fine. And I had a leader at the time, and he was like, you don't have a lot of leave. What if you go and she doesn't die? And I'm like, really? Then, yeah, he actually said that to me. I was like, well, then I'll go back. Like, I'm not like and then luckily, the people who were above him were like, I don't know what's wrong with you. Sign this leave.

Lorrena Black [: 00:20:31

Like, she's going on leave. And I did. And I went home and I was there for two weeks and she went peacefully, you know, with all of us around her at hospice. And then I went back and immediately went to Kuwait.

Kim [: 00:20:42

Well, first of all, Lorrena, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. And I see you tearing up, and it's been a long time.

Lorrena Black [: 00:20:48

A long time.

Kim [: 00:20:52

That bond with her must have been so strong.

Lorrena Black [: 00:20:55

And you know and I am gonna cry right now. You know what's crazy? Okay. I'm doing this and I didn't eat tomorrow. It's tomorrow is the anniversary of her death. And it will be I I don't know that math. How many years is it now? Like, it was 2004.

Kim [: 00:21:09

So 2004. I'm sorry. I said 2014. 2024

Lorrena Black [: 00:21:13

Yeah. 2004, so it's been even longer. But, yeah, I think that the thing that when I get she made mistakes as a mom, you know, like we all do. But she was a great mom, and I have four kids. Two of them are bonus, but two of that I gave birth to. One's just turned 18 this month, and one is 16. And it that's her. She never got to meet my girls.

Lorrena Black [: 00:21:32

Like, she never got to meet them, and they never got to meet her. And I just I don't know. I wish. Yeah.

Kim [: 00:21:41

Of course. That's your mama. Yeah. I'm so happy that you were able to have that opportunity to go home and that you stood firm. And I'm like, no. Don't tell me that, like, she might not die in two weeks or whatever. That's just ridiculous. I'm glad you had the strength, and I'm glad the people above you really advocated for you to be part of it. Because could you imagine?

Lorrena Black [: 00:22:03

Yeah. No. I don't know. I think I was able to I always thought when she was gone, like, it would wreck me completely. Like, I wouldn't be able to because she was my best friend. She really was. And I think because I was there and seeing her in pain, you get to a point where you're just like, I want you to go and be free and not hurt anymore. But had you had I been deployed and I just got somebody coming in to tell me, it wouldn't have been the same.

Lorrena Black [: 00:22:28

I don't know how I would have handled that.

Kim [: 00:22:30

Yeah. Well, I'm glad you were able to be next to her as she passed. And I am I bet she was so grateful to have you girls all there with her. That's a beautiful present.

Lorrena Black [: 00:22:42

I think that she was, and she was really proud of all of, you know I believe I think she was proud of all of her kids there. She had six of there are six of us. Yeah. So but yeah. I'll be forever be thankful that I that I did get that. Yeah.

Kim [: 00:22:55

And then you got pushed to Kuwait though. Yes. So, really, did you even have time to process?

Lorrena Black [: 00:23:02

No. Like, I don't even remember, like, how many days after the funeral that I had to get back on a plane to Germany. And then while I was in Germany, that same leader was like, I want you to go in every day and make sure you're calling us because we're in every day. Like, while we were waiting for me to get on the flight there, it was crazy. But I got there, and I honestly, I'm thankful for the distraction because it helped me just get into things and to stay busy, and I didn't have a lot of time. But it is interesting that probably ten months later when we got back is when I I had, like, my meltdowns and my breakdowns and things like that because it was like the smoke settled and everything just really, really sunk in because, you know, when you lose somebody, it's really hard sometimes to reconcile with that. Like, did this really happen? Like, no. This isn't like it isn't real.

Lorrena Black [: 00:23:52

This can't be all you go through all of that. It's so it's yeah.

Kim [: 00:23:56

I always go back to that book, The Body Keeps the Score.

Lorrena Black [: 00:23:59

I have it on my iPad, and everybody keeps telling me to read it. And I so I downloaded it, and I did I need to read it because you are so many people have been like, you need to read this book. So I need to read the book.

Kim [: 00:24:11

Yeah. Everything you're saying. But you you'll read the book and then be like, oh, yeah. I know all this already. This is exactly what I've been talking about. It kinda just puts it in content a little bit, and you're like, oh, and the light bulb goes off a little more, and you're like, I understand now. Yeah. And then it just keeps pushing you to continue being curious about everything and digging deeper and unpacking.

Kim [: 00:24:33

And then you become lighter. So yes.

Lorrena Black [: 00:24:36

I like that. The lighter part. For sure.

Kim [: 00:24:38

Right? Because there, how long have we lived with all the heaviness, which we'll get into coming back from Kuwait? Yes. You were still in an enlisted soldier.

Lorrena Black [: 00:24:48

Yep. So we got after Kuwait, we came back and then we PCS or moved to El Paso. So we've got stationed at Fort Bliss and I was a, yep, staff sergeant there. And while there, I got pregnant with my first daughter. And then when she was seven months old, my ex husband volunteered to go on a MIT team to Iraq and he deployed. And two weeks after he left, I found out that I was pregnant with her sister. So I have a seven month old, a deployed husband, and I am pregnant again. I had worked when I first got to Bliss after the post command sergeant major, and then I got transferred over to the sergeant's major academy.

Lorrena Black [: 00:25:26

So I was working there, and I had a leader that was used to she was a hardcore I mean, she had been drill sergeant, everything, and she'd always had a really good support system for her her child. So my daughter was sick, kept getting sick, and she said to me, I don't give a crap if your kid's sick or not. You have a family care plan. You better figure it out. And so I was like, okay. I'll figure it out. I'm gonna get out because I don't know. And at that point, I had been sergeant Audie Murphy.

Lorrena Black [: 00:25:53

I was always ranked highly. I was making rank really fast, but I was like, I don't know how to be a good NCO, a good soldier, and a good mom. So I'm gonna get out. And I was ten years in, and the sergeant major that I had worked for was like, are you stupid? Like, what are you doing? I was like, I don't know how to do this anymore, sergeant major. Like, I can't. Like, I'm about to have two of these guys. Like, I don't know how to do this. And my ex was like, okay.

Lorrena Black [: 00:26:17

If you wanna get out, like, here's the parameters. Like, we need to be able to sell this house that we were living that we had bought, and you need to find a job. And, like, we could not sell. It was 2,008. Could not sell that house. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Lorrena Black [: 00:26:30

Then I find out that I make sergeant first class, and my ex husband doesn't. And his whole reason for volunteering for the deployment was to hope to so he doesn't make it, I make it. Now I'm at ten years. I just made sergeant first class. I'm like, okay. I can't get out. Like, it doesn't the house isn't selling, like, all these and I I give all this to God. Like, because once I made the decision to stay in, I pinned e seven.

Lorrena Black [: 00:26:54

That has somebody came and paid cash for that house two weeks before we were due to PCS. So it was it was so, you know, the girls, we PCS to Georgia. And while I'm there, I decide because somebody had talked to me before about green to gold, and I just always doubted myself. And then somebody was telling me about the green to gold active duty option. And I was like, well, now I have these kids. I don't know. But when I got to Georgia, it popped up again. So I was like, I'm gonna try.

Lorrena Black [: 00:27:21

So I put in a packet. I needed a waiver for everything. I had been in the army too long. I was too old and I was a dual military mom and I got accepted. So I was 12 years. And Lorrena, real quick for the viewers, let's tell them what the green to gold program is. Yes. So green to gold active duty option pro so green to gold traditional is where you could leave the military, ET, like, get out, go to college for however many years, get commissioned as an officer, and then come back in.

Lorrena Black [: 00:27:50

Active duty option program, you stay on active duty, so your clock keeps ticking, but they attach you to a a unit, but your whole responsibility is to go to ROTC for two years. And you have to have 60 credit hours already, so you have to be halfway to your bachelor's. And then you go to ROTC for two years, finish your bachelor's degree, then get commissioned, and then carry on. So I got accepted to do that. But, typically, they want you to be a little younger because I was already in my thirties. So I'm in ROTC at 30 with a bunch of young college kids, but that's what the program is.

Kim [: 00:28:23

So there's so many layers to this. We gotta get into a little bit about being a woman in the military. You're a bit older Yep. Trying to go do the green to gold program. You have two little ones. Yes.

Lorrena Black [: 00:28:36

Your husband's overseas. He's back now, but he's back with PTSD and is not able to really be much help when it comes to, like, the things with the girls. Like and I don't wanna diminish what he did as a dad, but it was a struggle. He was working as a an instructor on Fort Gordon, which has a different name now, but we're gonna go with the old names. So he had to be in early every day. So every morning, I would get the girls up, get them dressed, drive on post, drop them off at daycare, then beat feet to get to PT because the ROTC program that I was in, they treated it a lot like a regular military unit. So you were being doing PT five days a week at, say, I think, probably 06:30. So I would do that, then drive the twenty minutes to get to the campus to do PT.

Lorrena Black [: 00:29:25

Then we'd do our class, you know, whatever we were doing through the day. And my ROTC was done at one school by my college. I was working on my degree through a a site school, so I would have night classes more often than not, or I'd be doing my homework at night, like when the girls went to bed and that type of stuff. And then right, I think yeah. So we that went on for two years, and it was like the field I'd have to go to the field. I had just been thirty days in Washington for training, and I just I pushed and I just it worked out. I mean, I ended up being selected to be our cadet battalion commander for my senior year. I ended up being a distinguished military graduate.

Lorrena Black [: 00:30:02

It just put my head down, and I think that's probably been like a theme. It just put my head down and I did the work and tried to do it the best that I could. And I would bring my girls, like, I have photos of my daughters, and I bought them their own little PT uniform. So I would bring them to, like, the campus events and things like that. And they I just have tried to make keep them a part of it as much as possible.

Kim [: 00:30:22

Oh my gosh. That's so sweet. And offline, we're gonna talk and exchange pictures because my son who's 27 now, but when I was back in the, like, the nineties, when I would go to, was going to PLDC, primary leadership development course, to make my e five. And for graduation, I bought him this little BDU Yeah. Outfit. And my dad and mom brought him with it on and it was so cute. So I get it. But let's talk about this.

Kim [: 00:30:50

How much guilt you feel as a mom. Mhmm. You're trying to further yourself and better yourself for you and your family and your kids. But with that comes feelings.

Lorrena Black [: 00:31:04

Yeah. No. It was a challenge. And then right after I commissioned, when I still had to I ended up choosing signal because signal was right there at Fort Gordon. Like, I didn't have to move. I didn't have to leave the girls. So I went through my officer training right there. Same thing.

Lorrena Black [: 00:31:20

I'd get up and take the girls to day care, and then I pick them up at the end of the day. And it was funny. They had asked for volunteers to be the class leader. And one of my peers was like my battle buddy, she's like, hey. I'll do it if you do it. I'll put my name in the hat if you do. I was like, okay. So I did it.

Lorrena Black [: 00:31:35

And then I I interviewed, and then I went back. And I was like, I came back. And I was like, I was like, sir, I shouldn't have put my name in the hat. I have to be real with you. I have two kids. I'm a single mom right now. They have to go to day care. Like, I don't think I can give this the and he's like, well, do your kids go to day care just during the day? I was like, yeah.

Lorrena Black [: 00:31:51

And he's like, okay. And then they picked me to be the class leader. So so after we'd get released from class, I tried to, like, send out emails and stuff before I got the girls because once I got them, it was we just survived. There was a lot of because even right after that, my ex was in Korea and he wanted to stay in Korea. So I gave up the assignment I had to Hawaii, and then I went to Korea. And when I got there, they were like, we cannot put you where your we don't have a slot for you where your husband's at. And he didn't wanna move, so I was like, you know what? It's fine. Just put me where you need to meet need me, put him where he needs to be.

Lorrena Black [: 00:32:27

We'll make it work. So I was three hours from him. So now I'm in Korea. I'm a second lieutenant, new to the signal corps, really a single mom. Unfamiliar territory. I'm like, okay. I'm like, you look nice enough. Can I put you on my emergency contact at day care? Because I have to put people and I don't know anybody.

Lorrena Black [: 00:32:46

Luckily, like and when you're in a place like Korea, everybody rallies to support you. So it was so awesome, the people. Like, I remember there was a 20 year old lieutenant that was my he was first platoon leader. I was second platoon leader, and he had to sit in the car with my kids one day before daycare opened because I had to go on mission. And our commander's like, Rodney will do it. It's fine. So he has no kids, is sitting in the car with my kids, taking them to day care because I had to go. Like, I remember getting alerted, and I wish I had a picture of this.

Lorrena Black [: 00:33:13

It's like four in the morning. I've got Brianna, my youngest sitting on my lap, my m sixteen's on my back, and I'm waiting for day care to open because we just did it. And my ex and I ended up getting divorced during while we were there because it was just time. And so I continued on with the single mom thing for some years after that until I ended up, you know, remarrying and moving to Michigan. But You really were in survival mode. Yes. A lot. And I sometimes I don't I don't sit with that because I I'm just so used to just you just do it.

Lorrena Black [: 00:33:43

And I don't know that I've really sat and thought about, like, dang. I remember when I got to after I left Korea, I got to Fort Hood, and I would get up. My girl I tried to keep him as sleeping as long as possible. I'm getting him dressed. I'm getting in the car. We're standing at day care when they open at 05:30 so I can shove him in and then hauling butt to base for the meeting before PT and day care, I'm showing up two minutes before they close. And then we just do it all over again. And It becomes this conditioned lifestyle.

Kim [: 00:34:13

And your nervous system gets conditioned at that fighter flight. Which we learn at a later time is not healthy.

Lorrena Black [: 00:34:23

Yeah. No. For sure.

Kim [: 00:34:25

Nor are we supposed to live like that.

Lorrena Black [: 00:34:28

Not at all. I gone through some emotional intelligence things and they talk a lot about that. And it's not we are not supposed to live like that. And yeah.

Kim [: 00:34:37

I'm proud of you, mama.

Lorrena Black [: 00:34:40

Thank you. It it was I'm proud of my girls, like, you know, for just rolling with me. Yeah. I mean, I have no toys, really.

Kim [: 00:34:46

But They had they don't know either. Right? Remember when we were talking about the child that we don't know, we just kind of roll with whatever is given to us. Yeah. We're like a product of our environment.

Lorrena Black [: 00:34:56

It's so true.

Yeah. Well, you made it all the way to major, which is O4.

Lorrena Black [: 00:35:02

Which is O4. And I did not think that was gonna happen for me. So after Fort Hood and I got sent back to Korea without my girls, and they had to live with their dad for a year, and then I went to Georgia, and then I went to Indiana. And when I got to Indiana, I'm a cap so I got promoted to captain while I was still at Hood. But at in Indiana, I'm a captain and I'm traveling a lot. And so and the girls are in school, so it's not as easy to just send them to their dads or this or that. And I just realized, like, and at this point, I'm at 21 years. I'm like, I'm done.

Lorrena Black [: 00:35:30

I'll take my enlisted. So in order to retire from the army as an officer, you have to do ten years as an officer. And at this point, I'm at six years as an officer, so I need four more years. But I'm like, I'm gonna take my e seven retirement, and I'm just gonna be done because I had remarried, and my husband was living here in Michigan. And I was just like, I'm tired. My girls are tired.

Kim [: 00:35:50

I bet you're tired.

Lorrena Black [: 00:35:52

Yeah. And luckily, I found out that you could leave active you could ETS from active duty after twenty years, go in the reserves, do your rest of your time, and then still get your active duty retirement when the time comes because you'd already done the twenty years of active federal service. So I was, oh, I'll do that. So I ETS, moved to Michigan, went into the reserves, but then I found that I had all these for years, I was misdiagnosed with stuff in the army on active duty. And it all came to a head when I got to Michigan, and I ended up having something called Sjogren's disease and fibromyalgia, all these things that make you not fit for duty. So I was like, okay. Well, I'll take the medical retirement. That's probably quicker then. Well so so the first year comes around to get I get looked at for major.

Lorrena Black [: 00:36:35

I'm like, well, I'm not even gonna do update anything because I'm gonna be gone in no time. The next year, I'm still in. I'm like, okay. I am getting my I am having them review my records because I'm not doing that again. And sure enough, I got selected for major while I'm still in waiting for this whole process. But what's funny is I pinned major in December of twenty one, and then I retired officially in April of twenty two. So I was but I, it all worked out the way that it was meant to. And so, yeah, you had quite the career.

Lorrena Black [: 00:37:08

And then we talked about, like, you had all these ailments, physical ailments, and you learned that you have PTS and you what made you start this She Served and talk about what it is. Yep. So She Served is a company that I created and it's really the She in that title was really when I first came up with it, it was about me. Like, I am She. I served, and I wanna help really primarily veterans, but there aren't a lot of opportunities I don't see anyways for veterans that want career development and growth. There are tons of resources for homelessness and PTSD and mental health support, which is fabulous. But I don't see like, if you go to a veteran's hiring fair, rarely do you see a table that's for, hey. Do you wanna grow in your career and develop and things like that? So I was doing that at my previous job, and my master's in management and leadership.

Lorrena Black [: 00:38:01

And I've always had a passion for taking care of people. And I had worked at it for a nonprofit the last four years doing lead as their VP of leadership development, and I had started facilitating a lot and got trained as a coach, and it's what lights me up. It's what I love. And I'm like, why not take what I love and focus it on the people that I also love, which are veterans, and hope that I can help, you know, further develop. Along with that, another sad piece of thing that so a year ago in December, '1 of my former soldiers that I'd had the first time I was in Korea, who ended up being more like a daughter to me, like, she taught my girls how to ride a bike. We were very bonded. She died by suicide last December. And there was, you know, a mental health obviously, you know, there was something going on with her, but I also I keep coming back to this idea.

Lorrena Black [: 00:38:51

The purpose has been in my head for these last this last year or so. Just I feel if she'd had help figuring out what her after military purpose was, maybe she'd still be here. So I did she was more in my why than I even realized because I just I I don't want anybody to feel that. And I know I can't stop that. I'm not God. I can't. But if I can help, if I can help support somebody, if I can help them figure out what next looks like, if I can, you know, hold space for them as they work it out. If I whatever I can do, I wanna do it.

Kim [: 00:39:23

Well, I feel like you hit that, like, perfectly. I mean, first of all, military suicide is one too many, that woman taking her life. And I feel like after service, you don't know you get conditioned to an environment, and then you get put back into the civilian world, and you're like, Aaaah. I feel like I don't fit in. So you need a community and you need purpose, like you said. And it sounds like that's what your program does.

Lorrena Black [: 00:39:41

Yeah. That is it's that's what, for me, like, I keep coming back to the like, helping you find your purpose or let's say you know what your purpose is. Maybe you just need support or maybe you wanna grow in your career, but you don't know how to do that. You don't know how to take what you've learned in the military and use that or whatever it looks like for you.

Lorrena Black [: 00:40:05

Cause everybody's different and everybody's at a different place. I just, again, to support. And we will have your, that website in the show notes for people who are interested. And you're in Michigan, you said? Yes. But thank goodness for Zoom and Teams. So so virtual is awesome. They could be anywhere.

Kim [: 00:40:25

Yes. And you do something amazing for children. You're part of this CATCH program.

Lorrena Black [: 00:40:33

Yeah. So in Michigan there so the Detroit Tigers, Michiganders love their sports teams. And so the Detroit Tigers had a coach, Sparky Anderson, and years ago, he created this nonprofit, which is CATCH Charity for Children. And a couple of years ago, my husband they put on this huge event every year where they're raising money. And what they do is if there's a family in need, they partner with two of the local hospital systems here. And if there are families in need that maybe they can't afford maybe insurance covered the procedure, but now they need a ramp at home and they can't afford that. That's where CATCH steps in. Or maybe they couldn't afford, you know, the co pay, or maybe they couldn't.

Lorrena Black [: 00:41:11

It's different situations for different people, and CAPT will stop it step in and fill that gap. And every year, they put on this night of champions event where they'll honor different people that have made big contributions in the community here. And it's a fundraiser, but they also get to induct people into this hall of fame for just being philanthropists and awesome. And they invited a tape a bunch of veterans to attend one year. And if I was included in that, my husband and we all went. And after that, I connected with the executive director who's an amazing human being. And then down the road, he asked me to help with the event and then asked me to be on the board. So now I have the honor of just getting to support this organization because, yeah, I'm passionate about veterans, women, kids.

Kim [: 00:41:54

Lorrena. Yes. You're like, you're this amazing woman that, and you took your childhood trauma and really molded that into your world. I mean, you're really taking care of you. You're really taking care of your kids. You started a new, a new life being with your husband, right? Like after a marriage, people tend to be like, oh, Jaden, and I'm not doing this anymore, but you have this really positive outlook and it's contagious because, you know, it even helps me today, like, oh, yeah. Remember who you are and why you're here and your purpose. So thank you for being such an inspiration.

Lorrena Black [: 00:42:34

Well, thank you. I love that because that's, I think, part of it when people can hear your story and see themselves in any part of my story and feel, like, inspired, that's exciting for me. And positivity is one of my top five strengths.

Kim [: 00:42:50

I could say that. And it is important to share. So thank you so much for sharing your story today on Dog Tag Diaries, and we are so happy that you came on.

Lorrena Black [: 00:43:00

Well, thank you for having me. This was great. I appreciate it a lot.

Kim [: 00:43:05

Thank you for joining us on this episode of Dog Tag Diaries, where military women speak their truth and share their true stories. Every story told here is a step towards understanding, healing, and connection. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. And remember, your voice matters. Together, we're building a community that empowers, uplifts, and inspires. Stay connected with us. Follow dog tag diaries. Leave a review.

Kim [: 00:43:37

And let's continue to amplify the voices of women warriors around the world. Your voice matters. Share your thoughts and reviews to help us grow, improve, and continue making an impact. Until next time, stay strong, stay true, and keep sharing your story.