Barbara Sim Reveals How Faith and Music Became Her Medicine After the Marine Corps -69

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Captain Kim [: 00:00:01

From surviving trauma to strumming her truth across America, Marine veteran and musician Barbara Sim has walked through fire to find freedom. In this deeply personal episode, Barbara opens up about her dark ages, years of pain, survival and self forgiveness and how faith, music and nature became her medicine. She shares how the Marine Corps both broke her down and helped her rebuild into a woman who now travels the country sharing songs of hope, healing and wholeness. This is a story about courage, compassion and coming home to yourself. And this is an episode you don't want to miss. We made it Season 6 of Dog Tag Diaries where every military woman deserves a platform to tell her story and have it be heard. I'm your host, Captain Kim and this community has already racked up over 4,500 downloads. So let's smash 5K together, share these episodes and help us make season six our biggest yet.

Captain Kim [: 00:01:15

Today's guest is Barbara Sim. She served in the United States marine Corps from 2005 to 2009 as a landing support specialist, deploying to Iraq with the Lioness Program. After service, she began a long journey of healing through faith, music and nature. From hiking the Appalachian Trail to touring the United States in her self built van. Today, Barbara is a singer, songwriter, aspiring author and advocate for veterans healing through creativity, neuroscience and connection. She continues to share her story on stage and off, inspiring others to transform pain and into purpose. Barbara, welcome to Dog Tag Diaries. Thank you so much for being here.

Barbara Sim [: 00:02:02

Thanks for having me, Kim. I'm happy to be on here. I've been meaning to get on here for like a year now, so I'm happy we're making it happen.

Captain Kim [: 00:02:09

It really has been because I feel like we have been so fortunate to continue to meet up in totally different environments. And so I remember us meeting for the first time at the Reveille and Retreat Project when we did that multi day rafting retreat. And then we got to circle back around and I got to see you at the Women Veterans Conference. And fun fact for everybody, Barbara was after the Women Veterans Conference we went to Central Oregon's Veteran Ranch to celebrate and you were the star performer. You played so gorgeously.

Barbara Sim [: 00:02:49

So it was a beautiful setting. So I was happy to be there with everybody and play a little music.

Captain Kim [: 00:02:55

Yeah, we got to hear so much of like your new tracks which we'll talk about later on in the podcast interview. But let's just start. Let's talk about who you were as a little girl and how you found the military.

Barbara Sim [: 00:03:12

I never had ambitions as a child to join the military. It was never on My radar. I was painfully shy growing up and I would barely speak above a whisper. I was just painfully shy. If anybody spoke to me, I turned bright red. And I used to get picked on so much for being so shy. And I always had my nose in a book. I just loved reading and I loved learning.

Barbara Sim [: 00:03:31

And I think it was sixth grade when I was just tired of being picked on and I was like, you know what? I'm going to do something about this. What's something that I can push myself outside of my comfort zone and really like combat the shyness. And so I tried out for cheerleading because it was like the scariest thing I could think of, jumping around in front of a crowd of people and yelling. So I remember I went and tried out for cheerleading and I made it. I actually ended up really loving it and I had a lot of fun with it. And I was like five time all American in my small little high school.

Captain Kim [: 00:04:02

Oh gosh, that must have really increased your confidence level going from like that shy girl who was being picked on to now making the cheerleading team and putting yourself out there in front of others.

Barbara Sim [: 00:04:14

Yeah, it was very challenging. I don't know if it completely cured my shyness. In fact, I know it didn't, but it was just a stepping stone in my self discovery journey.

Captain Kim [: 00:04:24

Yeah, where did you grow up?

Barbara Sim [: 00:04:28

So we traveled a lot growing up, but mostly South Carolina. I was born in Wisconsin. We lived in Scotland when I was a kid. And then both my sisters are born in Florida. We live in Oklahoma, Texas, and then South Carolina is where I graduated high school.

Captain Kim [: 00:04:44

So you moved around quite a bit.

Barbara Sim [: 00:04:46

Yes, and we weren't military.

Captain Kim [: 00:04:50

So did it feel unstable or was it just like something you did because you didn't know at the time as a kid?

Barbara Sim [: 00:04:58

It never felt unstable that I can remember. My mom was really good at making things fun. Like we were homeless for a brief period when we got first got to South Carolina and we were at a campground just camping. And my mom made it so much fun that we didn't even realize we were homeless until we were like adults. Looking back, we're like, holy crap, we were homeless.

Captain Kim [: 00:05:19

Oh, she seems like an amazing woman.

Barbara Sim [: 00:05:22

She carried us through a lot and she always made sure that we knew we were loved even if we had nothing else.

Captain Kim [: 00:05:29

Oh, that's a beautiful story. And feeling.

Barbara Sim [: 00:05:33

Yes. And knowing that she struggled with mental health issues herself. Just the strength that it took to have all three of us girls and instill that love, which maybe someday she didn't have. I didn't Feel like she had much to give. So. I love my mom and I'm very proud of her.

Captain Kim [: 00:05:49

Oh, Barbara. And I'm gonna tell you, just from knowing you for a year or two, like, you have those traits in you from your mom.

Barbara Sim [: 00:06:01

Thank you.

Captain Kim [: 00:06:02

Yeah. Okay, so you were in high school and you were a cheerleader, and then what was your vision? Like, how did you find the military? Was that something you wanted to decided like, oh, yeah, this is my path.

Barbara Sim [: 00:06:16

So I actually didn't really know. I had so many things I wanted to do. I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to work at NASA. I wanted to. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be an archeologist. I wanted adventure and travel and, like, intrigue, you know, like all those things that.

Barbara Sim [: 00:06:31

Cause I read a lot of books, so I was like, in that world. But I never like, you know how some people grow up when they're like, I want to be this, and then they just know that's what they're going to be like. I never knew one thing that I wanted to be. I had so many things. So when I think 11th or 12th grade, it was 11th grade came along. My older sister actually joined the Army National Guard. It was right after 911 happened. She was a senior and I was a junior, and so she joined National Guard.

Barbara Sim [: 00:06:58

And I started learning more about it just by being in the room when the recruiter was talking to her and coming to the house and stuff. And we grew up pretty poor, so the idea of being able to get out of the town and have some kind of structure and support and security was enticing. And then also feeling like, that spark of patriotism and wanting to defend everything that had just happened with 9 11. It kind of like, woke up my little mind to the greater picture of what's going on in the world and wanting to be part of something bigger than myself. So there was a lot of different factors that kind of went into me being interested in joining. And I actually ended up joining the Army National Guard first. And I did two years in the Guard. I actually went to boot camp this summer between my junior senior year.

Barbara Sim [: 00:07:48

And I remember going to cheerleading camp and then going, like, two weeks later going to boot camp.

Captain Kim [: 00:07:53

Well, there's a culture shock.

Barbara Sim [: 00:07:56

I know. I'm like. I remember being in the. In the bay, in the Squabbay, and, like, practicing my cheer dances and getting in trouble. It's ridiculous. I was 17.

Captain Kim [: 00:08:08

Well, you don't know any better until they, like, pound it out of you and you're like, no, this doesn't happen here in the, in the basic training world.

Barbara Sim [: 00:08:16

Yeah, I knew nothing about the military. Like even my hair. I remember the. There was a male and a female drill instructor, her drill sergeants in the army. And she was like this short little Hispanic lady that was just like a little mean little spirit. But she come up to me and she was like yelling at me because my hair was just a mess because I didn't know how to do it yet. But little things like that. My first experience with boot camp in the army and then I ended up not making my AIT date after graduation and you have to be fully trained within a year or something like that, whatever it was.

Barbara Sim [: 00:08:47

I got like a general discharge and they said I could come back in a year and try again. But I was like, screw you guys. You know, my little rebellious self. So I ended up going down to Florida to do a job, which I thought was magazine, like working at a magazine. I got the information from a so called friend at ZOD at the time. It ended up being a really bad experience in Florida. It ended up being door to door sales. But we were supposed to be pretending that we were in high school.

Barbara Sim [: 00:09:17

This is after graduation. We were like selling magazines for a senior cruise kind of thing, but pocketing the money. And I was like, well, I don't want to do this. This feels gross. And then the boss was also like on drugs and like sexually harassing me. And I ended up getting abducted off an elevator in Florida and held in a room for two days and assaulted. And so like, I made up my mind at that time to get out of that situation more than I already had decided. And so the opportunity came when the boss actually kicked everybody out of the hotel room.

Barbara Sim [: 00:09:49

This is a different situation. And tried to push me on the bed. And I escaped and got into the bathroom and my friend called the cops and the cops came and the cop actually bought me a bus ticket home. So that's how I got out of that situation. And then I was like, you know what, I want to go back in the military. So I wanted to actually join the Air Force and be an aerospace physiologist. And I was at my grandpa's in Florida, so I had to go to the Miami MEPs. And I went to the MEPs and Air Force wasn't taking prior service.

Barbara Sim [: 00:10:18

And I walk out of the Air Force office and there's a Marine smoking. And he's like, are you joining the Air Force? And I'm like, no, they won't take me And I literally, like, I knew nothing. I was so naive. I thought Marine Corps was all infantry, so I didn't even know women could join the Marine Corps. And I was like, no, the Air Force won't take me. And he's like, well, we'll take you. And I literally was like, are you sure? And he was like, yeah. I'm like, all right.

Barbara Sim [: 00:10:42

So I was like, up for doing infantry just to get out of the situation I was in. I was like, if they're going to take me, I'll do it. But he ended up sign me up. I would not have done well in infantry. So, yeah. So he gave me three options. I wanted to do intel, PR or logistics. And I ended up getting logistics.

Barbara Sim [: 00:11:04

And because it's the Marine Corps, I had to do boot camp again. So June of 2005, I went through Boot camp again.

Captain Kim [: 00:11:09

Which is much different in the Marines than the National Guard, correct?

Barbara Sim [: 00:11:17

Yeah. So actually, it was physically harder for me in the army boot camp because I was just coming out of high school and I had never run a mile in my life. Like, I was a cheerleader. So it was kind of like a shock to my system, like, the structure and the. The physical demand. So going through Marine Corps boot camp, I had fun with that. Like, I was like, yeah, I'm getting back in shape, all this. But it was mentally harder because they played more around and find out games with you like it was.

Barbara Sim [: 00:11:43

And you also had to, like, it was just more structured and more disciplined and more gung ho, I guess you could say, so that each boot camp was challenging in its own way. But physically, the Marines were fun because I was like, I'm getting paid to be in shape.

Captain Kim [: 00:12:01

So you went for logistics?

Barbara Sim [: 00:12:03

Yes.

Captain Kim [: 00:12:03

And tell me a day in the life of a logistic enlisted soldier.

Barbara Sim [: 00:12:10

So I did my training in my MOS school in Camp Johnson in North Carolina, and then I got to the fleet. And as soon as I got to the fleet, my gunny or my first sergeant was like, are you ready to deploy? And I was like, I mean, don't have a choice. So I checked into my unit, and then, like, I think a month later we went to Mount Fuji to train for Iraq deployment. Then we got to Iraq. I was at Al Asad on the flight line, and we just. We were making. We built a lot of gear pilots. I was a red patcher 0481.

Barbara Sim [: 00:12:41

So I built a lot of gear pilots. And if you flew in or out of Al Asad between August of 06 and March of 07, I was probably the little blonde girl. I used to be blonde. The little blonde girl telling you where to go. So we loaded an unload aircraft with passengers and gear. And then while I was in Iraq, I volunteered for Lioness, which is a group of females that are attached to a grunt unit. And we search females and children at like traffic control points and like cordon searches and things like that. Wherever they need females and males searched that men can't do that.

Captain Kim [: 00:13:20

You know, I want to talk about how important that was, Barbara, because you were one of the first female groups, the Lioness program, to go in there because they started that initiative. So the local women and children, because of the cultural sensitivities, felt more comfortable. How did you feel going into those villages and interacting with them?

Barbara Sim [: 00:13:44

I actually really loved being able to talk to the women through our interpreter because I wanted like you hear so much through the third party and like on the news and things like that, but actually being on the ground and being able to talk to the people face to face, you just get an idea of what, what they want, how they feel kind of thing. And most of the women that we spoke with, they wanted freedom and they, the number one thing they wanted was education for themselves and their daughters. And so that was like the main talking point. And most women of a certain age, right, loved that we were there, but the older women, like over like 60, they hated us, they did not want us there. And I don't know if it's because, you know, they were just very entrenched in the culture of, you know, this is just how it's been done our whole lives. So we've often found paraphernalia on the older women, like they would have stacks of American cash and fake IDs and things like that.

Captain Kim [: 00:14:37

This is really interesting for, I feel like our viewers to understand. And I also want to hear about how this all made you feel because I know you're, you're very empathic and seeing these women in that environment and just wanting freedom and education, which is so it's free to us in the United States. But going over there and having to experience it must have been heavy on your heart.

Barbara Sim [: 00:15:05

There was times where I felt like the monster because I'm holding this weapon, I'm in full battle gear and we're searching this woman and I'm having to hold her two year old crying baby while holding a gun at the same time. And it just feels so wrong. And I'm just trying to like soothe this child. But you know, and the mother's just dark, like, eyes are staring me down, you know, And I'm, like, trying to convey that I'm not going to hurt her child, but I'm also holding a gun and my friend's patting her down. So it's like that kind of situation is. It goes against everything that we are as human, it feels like. But I also understand the need for it in that situation because there is that danger. Like, they often use women and children, oftentimes against their will, because they don't have much say to move paraphernalia and even put bombs in them.

Barbara Sim [: 00:15:55

I mean, one of the other females in my unit, the only two females at the time, and she. Her and I shared a can at Al Asad, and when they asked for volunteers, she wanted to go. And I wasn't certain that I wanted to go out there and do all that craziness, but I came to the conclusion that it was my duty, like, I needed to do it or I would regret not going out there. Just another way of pushing myself outside my comfort zone. But. So I actually went in the first group because I was a lance corporal and she had just picked up corporal, and they didn't need corporals in my group. So anyway, I went first, and then as we. I went to Hakalonia, we switched over.

Barbara Sim [: 00:16:32

I was only out there for a month, and then we switched over at Haditha Dam, and she. Her group went out to Barwana, but she was killed by a suicide bomber five days into her stint. And it was a female. As far as I know, it was a female VBID that drove into the camp and it killed Corporal Jennifer Parcel. And I think it was Master Sergeant Ellis and then like several Iraqi soldiers in that incident. So that was really hard on my unit. One, because she was loved so much in that unit. And I had a lot of guilt because I remember thinking, like, it would have been so much easier for everybody if I had died instead of her, because nobody really knew me yet.

Barbara Sim [: 00:17:12

But I know that when it's your time, your time, I guess, and you can't let that guilt sit in you. So I had a. I had a sergeant or staff sergeant that was kind of like a sexist. I hate to say that, but this was the only time that he was ever kind to me is he sat me down and said that I would have been missed just as much. So it was like those kind of kind words that I was like, there is a human in there. Yeah. So it's like, it's. It's such a strange place.

Barbara Sim [: 00:17:41

To be in which I already had so much respect for grunts. But being out there, attached to them and seeing what they do every day, I just. So much more respect for what they do every day. And then being able to be a part of it is. It's so strange to say that it was my favorite time in the Marine Corps because I actually felt like I was a Marine doing what I was trained to do and making a difference. But it was also terrifying and sad. So there was just that mix of emotions. And then I remember thinking my worldview was open so much about what women in the world go through.

Barbara Sim [: 00:18:13

And I remember coming back from that deployment and just looking up how women are treated all over the world. And, like, there's so many countries where women are just not treated as equals. And so that kind of lit a fire under me. And for so long, I was, like, looking for opportunities to, like, maybe join some kind of, like, task force to help women, but I could never find anything. And then through my own trauma, that was kind of put to the wayside as I had to start dealing with my. Or not dealing with my own shit.

Captain Kim [: 00:18:45

Yeah. Surviving all that trauma and the decade you call the Dark ages, because really, you had the sexual trauma then being put in situations where you felt morally compromised.

Barbara Sim [: 00:19:01

Yeah. It's the moral injury of war.

Captain Kim [: 00:19:03

Yeah. And then you had the loss of someone that was so loved and looked up to. You call it the Dark Ages. Will you explain that?

Barbara Sim [: 00:19:14

It's so funny looking back now, because I can look back with so much reverence and love and respect for myself, with all that I navigated. But for so many years, it was very difficult to look back without shame and guilt and regrets. And there was a lot of not facing what needed to be faced. Survival mode. Like, I just remember feeling constantly in a fog, not being able to think straight, making choices that didn't align with my values or myself. So I was misaligned, and it was very chaotic. And in those spaces, I dealt with sexual traumas more than once. I was drinking too much to try and deal and try to fit in.

Barbara Sim [: 00:19:57

I started drinking because it was my social crutch, because I was so shy. I believed at the time it was the only way I knew how to be social. So I kind of brought that into the Marine Corps with me. And the Marine Corps is also just very heavy on drinking and partying. And it's interesting to think about how young we were at the time, being thrown into this world of so much responsibility and heaviness in ways like Dealing with war and being a female, and I hate to make it male, female, but like being one of few females in a male dominated world where I was already dealing with sexual trauma and self worth issues, I put myself in compromising situations innocently. And I can look back and say I innocently put myself in these situations out of survival and just trying to fit in. And sometimes nothing happened and sometimes things did happen and it's not okay that they did those things. But I also know that understanding what happened to me and where I was mentally in that state, I'm able to understand why.

Barbara Sim [: 00:21:02

And I don't even need to know why. I'm trying to explain this in a way that, because I don't like to label these things as good or bad, these are things that happened. And I can look back and see myself innocently making decisions out of survival and just trying to navigate in a world where I didn't have the knowledge or the wisdom yet to navigate. And I love myself for continuing to seek growth and seek God. And through those years I never gave up on myself. And I continue to realign and realign and readjust and learn and grow. And so whether it's the actual traumatic events, and I don't believe in sharing traumatic events one, because when you speak out the words of a traumatic event and you relive it in your mind, you're hardwiring that in your mind. And so I choose to not do that.

Barbara Sim [: 00:21:55

And I also don't want to traumatize others through my story. Because when you hear a story, it's natural to imagine it in your own mind, which hardwires that into your mind and your mind believes what you tell it. So even if it never happened to you, the imagery in your mind creates that reality, so it can still create the same emotions and frequencies in your energy. So that's why I don't share details of what happened. But those traumas that happened continue to become more and more misaligned. And so my dark ages, as I refer them to, was that misalignment in myself and the inability to face things that needed to be faced. Just the physiological, biological, chemical reactions to trauma in your body that happened naturally, which I learned much later on, is that PTSD is a natural response to a traumatic event. We are not broken.

Barbara Sim [: 00:22:45

This is your body's natural response to trauma. What your responsibility is, is to learn what's happening in your body and then learn what your body and your mind and your soul need to heal and realign. And so PTSD is not A life sentence. And for me, it's part of a beautiful journey of self discovery and growth and transcendence into evolving into the this beautiful person that is more self aware, more self accepting for myself and for others. It just creates so much compassion and awareness that I'm grateful for these challenges in my life that created that in me, that helped me to become more aware. So my dark ages, I don't look at them anymore as lost time because I used to feel like I was so far behind and I wasted my life in these moments. But I can look back now and see so much growth and love. And as a Christian, I can see where God continued to be there with me in all of that.

Barbara Sim [: 00:23:49

And that's why I say my. My healing journey, my pillars are God, music, and nature. Because along the journey, when I started, first, you have to decide that you are worth healing. You have to decide, you have to make that choice that you want to heal, that you are worth it. You are worth it. If you're listening, you are worth it. In 2015, I had a friend from Missouri that committed suicide. She wasn't a veteran.

Barbara Sim [: 00:24:14

She was one of my really good friends in music. We met at karaoke, but she was professional singer and she was always just encouraging me to do it professionally. And she would let me tag along to her house parties and things like this. But she was in an abusive relationship, and I was in the delivery room when she gave birth to her fourth child, her first girl, Heidi. And it was just a beautiful experience to be able to share that with her. And I ended up having to move away from Missouri and back to South Carolina. And I think maybe six months later, I saw a post on Facebook that she had killed herself. Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.

Barbara Sim [: 00:24:51

It kind of lit this fire in me because she was such a beautiful soul and she had so much to offer and her voice was just angelic. And she believed in me so much that it kind of was like one of those kick you in the ass moments. Like, what are you doing?

Captain Kim [: 00:25:06

Yeah.

Barbara Sim [: 00:25:06

And so I got these tattoos, these musical tattoos, kind of as like solidifying my choice, as making it part of me and fully stepping into the role of pursuing music full time. And I reached out. I think I did a lot of research online and I found Creative vets out in Nashville because I was like music and veterans. I was looking for something to help me, like, find my way, my next step. And so I went to Creative ETS and they were like maybe two years in, so they were pretty new at the time. And I met Richard Casper, and he took me around Nashville and introduced me to a songwriter, and we wrote a song, and I got a guitar, and I was like, okay, now I have to learn how to play guitar. And it's funny, because I had a guitar sitting in the corner of my living room for, like, eight years, and all I could play was the intro to Nothing Else Matters. And so I just always imagined, like, well, this is too hard.

Barbara Sim [: 00:26:00

It's not for me. I'm not a guitar player, which you believe what you tell yourself.

Captain Kim [: 00:26:06

I just want to talk about. I'm going to use the word strength, because really, when you were talking about feeling misaligned, I agree with you. Your body will let you know exactly what's going on. And that misalignment feeling, when you're misaligned, that feeling is so uncomfortable, like, so uncomfortable that people will do anything to either numb it or they'll take the other route. Like you to be like, hey, I really need to tune into myself and. And figure out what is going to work for me and what is going to take me to my higher level. So, Barbara, you being able to tap into that is the strength that you have. And the resilience is amazing because it's very difficult for some people.

Barbara Sim [: 00:26:56

Yeah, I definitely did my fair share of numbing and poor decisions and drinking and some suicide ideations and attempts. So all the dark ages, all the ups and downs, and the moments where I just didn't understand what was going on or why it is this misalignment. And I kind of described it as, like, I'm out here, and since we're doing audio and not visual, I'm pointing above my head, far away. I felt like I was outside of my body watching myself live this life, and I felt so disconnected. And as I'd been learning about neuroscience, that is exactly what was happening. It's this misalignment between heart and mind, and it's a survival mechanism. Your body is storing so much energy because of trauma that your mind is protecting itself by disassociating and disconnecting. And when you're that disconnected, you're not making choices that align with yourself because you're not aligned.

Barbara Sim [: 00:27:54

It's hard. I'm still learning the best ways to describe this, but there is this disassociation. And I don't know if you've ever liked, made a choice or said something and you're like, why did I do that? Why did I say that? That's not who I am. That's what that is. That's misalignment with self.

Captain Kim [: 00:28:09

Yes, but being aware of that and then going, okay, yeah, I did say that, but that is not who I am. And then sitting back and taking the time to really understand why you said that, where that's really coming from, like, that takes a lot of time and courage, and you might not like the answer either. And so a lot of people might not want to visit that area. So, like I said, yes.

Barbara Sim [: 00:28:33

Well, the reason why is because people are naturally assign shame, guilt, fear, and narratives to these emotions and these choices. So when I was able to disconnect shame, like, just drop the shame, blame, and guilt, as Brene Brown says, when you're able to see what is without assigning a story to it, then you're able to address, and not even address, but just sit with it. And that's what people have to learn to do in order to process, is learn to sit with what is without assigning the shame and the guilt and without assigning a story to it. It's allowing your body to feel, because it's all energy. Right. Emotions are energy in motion. And so when you allow your body to feel these emotions instead of not facing them and block, like, stuffing them down, then your body is able to process it and then transmute that energy into whatever you want to transmute it into something useful.

Captain Kim [: 00:29:32

Yeah. And we're not taught this. We're not taught this growing up. We're not taught this in the military. And so it takes a lot of effort to learn about these things and then transform it into your life. Because practice, you have to practice every day in order for it to just become natural. So let's talk about your music, because that was really, I feel, like a stepping stone in your healing process as well, because the music you have written and played, I could hear you talking about the experiences that you've had and your passion and. And the release of all of this, I feel like, has really helped you.

Captain Kim [: 00:30:19

So will you talk about that part of your journey?

Barbara Sim [: 00:30:23

Yes. So I've always loved singing, and even the Marine Corps, I was doing karaoke. And it's funny to think about now because I understand it on a deeper level now, but I would get this energy that would build up in my throat, and the only way to get it out is to sing. And so I would start getting antsy and, like, cranky and all these things. And the only way to fix it was to sing, to get that energy out of the voice. And. And so now I'm able To understand it as actual energy. And the vagus nerve is calmed through humming and vocal release.

Barbara Sim [: 00:30:55

And so I just seem to naturally know that that's what my body need. And so singing was that outlet in order to regulate, and it was my lifeline. I, unfortunately, did a lot of drunken karaoke because that's the only way I knew how to get there, which wasn't very good for me in the long run. And so when my friend passed away and I decided to pursue it professionally, I didn't know, like, I didn't have any big dreams of. I'm like, I'm not going to be the next Taylor Swift. I didn't think I was going to be famous or, like, do anything grand. I just knew that that's what brought me joy and that's what kept me regulated, and that's kind of like what I just clung to. And when I hiked the Appalachian Trail, I carried a Martin backpacker with me guitar, and I learned how to play guitar while I hiked.

Barbara Sim [: 00:31:39

And I wrote some of my first songs out on the trail. Like, I didn't know, like, the structure, song structure. Like, all the right or wrong things to do or say, I just wrote. And when I finished the trail and I moved out to Colorado, I started gigging full time. I learned how to play three songs initially, and then I did my first open mic right before I went on the trail. At some point, I did my first open mic, and I was so nervous. I threw up right before I went on stage because it was so much. It felt so much more vulnerable than karaoke.

Barbara Sim [: 00:32:09

Like, these are my songs that I wrote. So when I got to Colorado and I started gigging full time, and it was just kind of getting the feel of that whole world, like, what I'm supposed to be doing. Like, there's a lot of networking and gatekeeping and all these crazy things you don't think about when you just, like, I just want to go play music. So I had to learn all that, had to continue to work on my skills as a guitar player and a songwriter. I signed up for Operation Encore. I applied in 2019, and I got accepted in January 2020. And because of COVID everything was online for that year. But we did, like, classes and song competitions and things like that.

Barbara Sim [: 00:32:47

So I was just learning, learning how to build songs, learning how to play guitar, learning all the different things of the craft of being a singer, songwriter. And it's funny because I did for many years get a little wrapped up in what I should be do, you know What I mean, like, this is how you're supposed to sing, this is how you're supposed to write, this is who you're supposed to be. If you want to make it in this industry, you have to do X, Y and Z. And so I was like, oh, well, I made this choice to be in the industry, so I guess I have to do this. And I lost my creativity in it. And I started getting writer's block and I couldn't write songs that felt like me. And I just was getting frustrated. I could feel myself comparing myself to other artists and being like, well, how are they getting it? And I'm just as good as they are and like all this low energy bullshit.

Barbara Sim [: 00:33:41

So I felt myself getting wrapped up in that. And it was a few years of that. I've been playing for 10 years, almost 11, I think, but constantly growing. And I had like six songs out on Spotify on all the streaming platforms. And if you listen to them, it's kind of. There's a little bit of a disconnect. It's me self discovering, doing the self discovery of who I am and who I my sound that I want to be. And some of them feel very Nashvilled because I got them recorded in Nashville, which is why I'm really excited about this upcoming album because I feel like it's going to actually be me and my sound that I want it to be.

Barbara Sim [: 00:34:14

I am Scottish. I'm like 75 Scottish. I lived in Scotland when I was a baby. Half my family lives over there. Everybody on my dad's side. Like it's part of my roots, I guess you could say. And I love the sound of Scottish music and the fiddle is one of my favorites. So this new album is going to be very Americana, folk country with some Celtic undertones.

Barbara Sim [: 00:34:34

And then a couple of the songs are still going to have a little bit of that pop rock grit to it because I'm still a little gritty.

Captain Kim [: 00:34:43

I love that you were able to realign and stay true to who you were because, yeah, we're always going to be taken off the path, but being able to recognize it and come back. Because Barbara, your storytelling is so amazing. Even through this whole interview, you just. I could feel and feel actually being there with you and being on your journey and then when we get to listen to you play, it's the same type of feeling and energy. And now your new EP is coming soon. You're recording it in Nashville, January 2026. How are you feeling about all that?

Barbara Sim [: 00:35:21

I'm very excited. I feel like this next year is going to be a big year for me. And that's not even saying, just like I'm going to be so successful, it's saying this is my year. I'm so aligned with myself. I'm finishing my book. I'm doing some guidebooks. Guidebook to Joy, guidebook to presence, guidebook to faith, all these things that are going to accompany my book, Sacred and Wild. And then my EP is going to be called Sacred and Wild after the title track, Sacred and Wild.

Barbara Sim [: 00:35:45

And I chose Sacred and Wild because that feels like me. I am sacred. I am a child of God. I have. God is in me. I am him. We are. I am a eternal being having a human experience.

Barbara Sim [: 00:35:56

I am sacred and then wild because I love nature and I don't want to be limited by the world. So I am not limited by the world. I am wild.

Captain Kim [: 00:36:07

Well, you could tell. That's your true belief. You could tell because even you saying, like, I went on the Appalachian Trail, which is out in nature, and that's when you started really aligning with who you were and playing the guitar. And it just always. It seems so natural for you. So I love that you were able to tap into that. Sacred and Wild. I love it. Yes.

Barbara Sim [: 00:36:31

I have a show tonight at General Duffy's and I'll be playing my title track and maybe one or two of the others. I gotta keep a little bit of the suspense for the whole album. Yes.

Captain Kim [: 00:36:41

Well, I want to thank you so much for being on Dog Tag Diaries. And so I just want to thank you for being so vulnerable on this because I know a lot of the things you were talking about that trauma is not easy to talk about or revisit. But I do love your whole concept and that you are a woman of God and you just innately know that the way to release and the way to release your gift to the world is through your voice. And you can tell when you listen to her.

Captain Kim [: 00:37:14

So make sure. Make sure that you. When. When her new EP drops. Which do. I know you're recording in January 2026, but do you know when it'll be released?

Barbara Sim [: 00:37:23

So there's going to be a little bit of a waterfall release and that's when you do. Because that's just what they do these days. You release a single at a time, like every four to six weeks, and then you have the big drop of the full album. So I'm hoping the first single can be released in March, March, April, May, June, and then either July or August will be the full album. But I'll be doing teasers of all the songs and stuff like that. I'm trying to step up my game on social media because I was so reluctant to even like, engage in social media because I'm just more of a private person in general. But I understand the beauty behind social media and it's a free platform to connect with more people. And so that's what I'm just going to focus on is the ability to connect with more people and whether it's imperfect or flawed.

Barbara Sim [: 00:38:05

I don't know if you've seen the recent video where I tried to do a wilderness live and I was getting bit alive by flies. I posted it anyway because it's just what happened.

Captain Kim [: 00:38:14

Yeah. Because life happens. And so I would love to bring you back on and have you play one or two of your tracks when they start releasing because again, I know you need to keep the suspense. So what are your thoughts on coming back on and doing that?

Barbara Sim [: 00:38:29

I am happy and excited to do that for the music and for the book.

Captain Kim [: 00:38:34

Okay. Well, we will see you and hear you back in March then.

Barbara Sim [: 00:38:38

Yes. 2026, the year of Sacred and Wild.

Captain Kim [: 00:38:43

That's a wrap on today's episode of Dog Tag Diaries season six, Baby.

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