Finding Support During the Era of Don't Ask Don't Tell Military Policy -32

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Kim [: 00:00:01

From navigating a turbulent childhood to serving honorably during the don't ask don't tell era, Ale Hernandez journey is one of resilience and authenticity. In this episode, she opens up about her time in the marine corps, the lifelong skills she gained, and her passion for helping veterans through the Road Home Program. This is a story of courage, self discovery, and making an impact beyond the uniform. Tune in for an inspiring conversation you won't wanna miss. Welcome to Dog Tag Diaries, where military women share true stories. We are your hosts, captain Kim.

Dakota [: 00:00:43

And captain Dakota. The stories you are about to hear are powerful. We appreciate that you have joined us and are eager to learn more about these experiences and connect with the military women who are willing to share their stories in order to foster community and understanding.

Kim [: 00:01:00

Military women are providing valuable insight into their experiences, struggles, and triumphs. By speaking their truth, they contribute to a deeper understanding of the challenges they face and the resilience they demonstrate.

Dakota [: 00:01:15

We appreciate your decision to join us today to gain insights and knowledge from the experiences of these courageous military women. Thank you for being here.

Kim [: 00:01:31

This episode, we talk with Ale Hernandez, a marine corps veteran who served from 2,005 to 2,009. Ale reflects on her childhood military service during the era of don't ask, don't tell, and how the values and skills she gained in the corps have shaped her life. Despite these challenges, Ale served honorably and found support within her command. She also shares her passion for helping others through her work with the Road Home program, which provides vital resources to veterans and their families. Ale's story is one of resilience, authenticity, and the transformative power of service. Ale, welcome to DogDarci'si Tag Diaries. Thank you for being here.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:02:16

Thank you, Cam. I appreciate it.

Kim [: 00:02:18

Yeah. You have such an interesting background. So let's get into it. Like, let's start all the way in the beginning, your childhood and your early influences.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:02:31

Yeah. For sure. Yeah. A good place to start would have to be there because it was really rough. And the reason I think it was very challenging is because my mom and dad came from Mexico in the eighties to the United States to give us a better life. And then I had a hard time because we were having a lot of challenges. My parents were having a very hard time with each other. And with that being said, I just had to, like, quickly grow up and mature at a really young age.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:03:06

And I think that that was kind of a part of why I decided to go into the military in part. And I'll speak about the other part later on, but I know that for sure it caused me to kinda look at life a little differently because of the challenges that my parents represented, the challenges that I had with, like, learning a second language because Spanish is my first language. So it was very hard to maneuver through that.

Kim [: 00:03:40

How old were you when you came over to the States?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:03:43

I was born in the States, but my mom and dad didn't know a lot of English, and they worked a lot. A lot a lot. My mom had, like, 3, 4 jobs. She would do, like, anything to kinda make ends meet, like baking, cooking for others, cleaning houses. My mom did a bunch of stuff on top of her, like, regular I guess you'd call it 8 to 5. And same with my dad. My dad worked at a factory, and then when he wasn't working at the factory, he was painting houses, he was cleaning houses, he ran his own business.

Kim [: 00:04:23

Oh, gosh. So you were, like, left alone quite a bit then?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:04:27

Yes.

Kim [: 00:04:28

And put into an educational system that you had to know English or is that where the complications started?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:04:38

Yeah. I had a hard time learning English. I had a lot hard time with it. I went to a private Catholic school from kindergarten to 8th grade. I remember kids, they make fun of each other. And one of the things was because I looked different, I spoke different. Yeah. Mainly.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:04:56

And even as as a young kid, like, I always knew about that something was different about me per se. That I would catch myself, like, checking out women. I'd be like, what the hell is wrong with me? But I'm like, nothing is wrong with me. It's just I didn't have the words or the understanding about, like, human sexuality or any of that. So I kinda had to figure things out on my own. So I felt like I had all these challenges, but at the same time, I feel like they were getting me ready for my life. Like, I was trying to live my authentic self even at a young age.

Kim [: 00:05:35

And that's tough being in a Catholic environment in that era.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:05:39

Mhmm. In the nineties. Yeah. It was different. They had a different way of viewing things for sure, like religion, the Catholic church. I didn't feel very comfortable wanting to talk about my sexuality to my parents or anybody. I would ask questions, but I'd be like, oh, I I know someone that was wondering, like, so and so, like, x, y, and z, but they did their best to answer as much as they could. But it wasn't until, like, after the military that I had a better understanding about human sexuality and, like, about myself because of the education I received at at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:06:20

So fast forward, yeah, my parents ended up getting divorced. It didn't work out with them. So my stepdad came into my life, and he's actually a veteran. He he was in the army, and so he was infantry. And I remember when I graduated from high school, he was like, well, what do you wanna do? He's like, I didn't get good good grades in high school. He's like, so what do you wanna do? Like, you gotta do something. Community college, get a job, something. And then he's like, another option is the military.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:06:49

So I ended up going into the marine corps right after high school at the age of 19.

Kim [: 00:06:54

Is that what sparked it for you, your stepdad being in the military and talking to you about that?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:06:59

Yeah. I think that was, like, the last piece, I would say. Now in retrospect, yeah, definitely. But if somebody would have told me at a young age that, like, I was gonna go into the military, I would have been like, nah, dude. There's no way. Like, I just felt like there was too much happening in my life with my parents and my siblings and, like, figuring things out that I didn't ever think that that was going to be one of the things that I would do to kinda help me achieve all this greatness. Because, if it wasn't for the military, I wouldn't have been able to pay for school. I wouldn't have had all the experiences that I had up to this point.

Kim [: 00:07:35

And I do have to ask out of curiosity, what was your dream job as a child? What did you wanna be when you grew up?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:07:44

I wanted to go into photography. I knew I liked art, and I still like art. It's funny because sometimes we'll I'll be hanging out with my mom and my nephews. I have a bunch of nephews. And we'll have, like, a, like, a little art session. Right? Like, everybody starts drawing and painting and doing different things. And, like, I still see that like, I could still feel it within me that, like, I still have that craving, that interest. So I think that's where I probably would have wanted to do.

Kim [: 00:08:14

Okay. Well, we went into the military then. What made you chose the marines?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:08:20

Originally, I was looking at the navy, but I didn't really have the patience to sit through and, like, take the exam and try to test into something that through the ASVAB, like, test a little higher. I wanted something, like, now. It was either I did it now or I wasn't gonna do it. So ended up shopping around. I was looking at, like, all the branches, kinda trying to weigh it out. But at the end of the day, I was like, the marine corps is, like, the hardest branch. They have, like, some really hard requisites, honestly. I mean, like, weigh your high physical standards pretty much right.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:08:57

I think that's the one thing that appealed to me was that they're just, like, the most difficult branch to get through, most challenging one.

Kim [: 00:09:06

I agree with you. I'm not marines. I'm army, but I do agree with you, especially when they had the pull ups. Did they have the pull ups back then as well?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:09:15

No. They started the pull ups way after I got out because, like, I did 4 years. So when I got out in 2009 yeah. Like, way after that, that's when they started doing it.

Kim [: 00:09:26

Yeah. So what was your job in the marines?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:09:29

I was a cook.

Kim [: 00:09:30

No way.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:09:31

Yeah. 3381.

Kim [: 00:09:33

Did you get to throw your creativity into that? Probably not. Right? They only give you a set.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:09:38

They do give you, like, a set. Like, there's parameters. Right? Like, you have to abide by the guidance. Like, that cooking recipe that they give you. Like, I can't remember right now. But, like, the pretty much like your recipe, they give you your recipe and you do have to abide by it. However, there were moments where we could get creative, and that's when we went to the field. We did a lot of training also for Iraq because I deployed to Iraq.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:10:04

And I remember that that's when we would get creative because we wanted to make sure that the food was good to boost that morale so people had something to look forward to. And that's when, yeah, we would get creative. I remember my sergeants would show us different ways of getting creative when we were in in Arizona or when we were doing some field training in North Carolina. I was always trying to make them feel like, you know, the our troops, we wanted them to make them feel like they were home and taken care of.

Kim [: 00:10:34

Can you give an example of one of the creative dishes?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:10:38

Yeah. Definitely. For dessert, I would say is whenever we got creative. Of course, we would have some of the basic ingredients, like some flour and eggs and water and stuff like that. So we would try to make some delicious type of desserts for them, different types of cakes. I remember just being in the dining facility, I learned how to make upside down pineapple cake with my sergeant. And that was cool because they wanted me to kinda, like, tap into everything. They didn't know if I was gonna stay in or get out, so I think they were just trying to expose me to different things, whether it's like cooking or baking.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:11:18

So that's one of the things that sticks out to me at the moment.

Kim [: 00:11:22

And did you notice it was a morale booster?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:11:25

Yes. Sometimes they would trash talk us and be like, how come it's no good today? I'm like, bro, just close your eyes and pretend it is. I don't know. I'm sorry. But like, I just got here. No, I'm joking. Like, I'd be like, I had nothing to do with that particular piece of the dish. Like, I don't know.

Kim [: 00:11:44

You were like, what part did you like? Because that's where I was.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:11:48

Yeah, exactly. I'd be like, what is it? The meat you didn't like? You didn't like your starch? Like, I'm sorry. Like, what is it?

Kim [: 00:11:55

Well, you played such a vital role. Your job was such a vital role because, like, on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, water and food are the main products that they need, 1, for fuel. And 2, you're right. Like, who doesn't like the creativeness of food and to come in one time from your training exercise and find out you have upside pineapple cake?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:12:18

Yeah. For sure. It's something to look forward to. And I'm really lucky that I got to do other things on top of that. When I deployed to Iraq, I was actually on a cargo flight on my way back from Iraq. We were myself and another corporal were, like, the last ones to come back from Iraq, last ones from our unit. It was wild. It was it was just, some experiences that I've never thought I would have to live, but I'm glad I did.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:12:45

It was it was some good stuff. Good training as they say.

Kim [: 00:12:50

Yeah. Well, before we were talking about your sexuality and you had so many obstacles and then you go into the military during the don't ask don't tell time era. What in the world? How did you navigate that?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:13:08

It was very hard. If I dated, there were people from back home that I was dating, like women from back home. It was very challenging because, believe it or not, I also was cheated on when I was on deployment. So, like, that was something I had to navigate, like, any relationship really. However, the more the more complicated piece to that was, like, I couldn't really talk about it. There was only a few people that I trusted that I could be like, hey. Like, this is the kind of problem I'm having with my relationship at the time, and, like, what do I do? Can't really go to the chaplain and talk to him because don't ask, don't tell. So it was challenging.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:13:48

And another challenge I I had to face was harassment, verbal harassment from someone in not in my section, but in my unit. He was, communications. And he just kept pestering me about going on a date with him and stuff, and I told him no. I'm like, you already know what the business is. Like, why do you keep bugging me? It was very weird. So just the stuff that comes after that was a pain in the butt because the people that he served with in his unit were giving me a hard in his section, were giving me a hard time about it that I reported him. But I was like, well, y'all you guys are not gonna do anything to correct this. So I felt like I had I did the right thing, which was reporting it because I felt uncomfortable.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:14:35

So that was just one of those things that I had to navigate.

Kim [: 00:14:39

So you reported the issue and was did anything come of it?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:14:44

Yeah. He got in trouble. They took rank away and yeah. He got in trouble.

Kim [: 00:14:49

Oh, good. I'm glad they were repercussions then for at least reporting something like that.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:14:54

Yeah. I'm glad too. It's just I wish that things would have been taken care of a little differently because I was getting a lot of backlash from his command, like, his people for reporting him. And that was really annoying because I knew deep down that I did the right thing, but they were trying to make me feel like I didn't. So that added extra stress to my life. Like, I was just like, why why is life happening? Like, how can we be entertaining this? Like, he messed up. Like, now he's gotta face the consequences. Like and he was persistent too.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:15:28

It wasn't like he just came once and, like, asked. Like, even once was bad. He kept asking and asking. Like, I was just like, what the heck is going on?

Kim [: 00:15:39

Do you feel like it was a ploy to kind of because you said he knew about your sexuality. Do you feel like he was trying to, like, get you in trouble?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:15:49

I'm not sure. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised.s

Kim [: 00:15:53

Yeah. People's intentions. You never know people's intentions. Right?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:15:57

Right.

Kim [: 00:15:57

Did you have support on your side, your command, anyone that you felt like you were able to confide in? Okay. So you did have someone to talk about your sexuality and being cheated on and all the things that if you don't talk about it, it gets stored within.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:16:16

I have people that I could talk to, but it's not the same when it's like a professional, someone that's, like, non biased. It was helpful to a certain extent.

Kim [: 00:16:25

Yeah. And then you stayed in from 2,005 to 2,009. What was the deciding factor to leave the military?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:16:34

I felt like I wasn't living my authentic self. I felt like I was living a lie. I felt like if I risked another 4 years, I you know, I wasn't sure. Before I got out let me backtrack a little bit. Oh, bomb, I was actually being sworn in. I remember seeing that live on TV while I was at work one day, And I was like, well, maybe things will change. But I was like, I'm not gonna sit around and wait for things to change. So I decided to just get out, you know?

Kim [: 00:17:04

Yeah. Because I don't know if people know if you did get kicked out from being gay back in that era, it was dishonorable discharge. And you were able to get out with an honorable discharge. Yes?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:17:18

Yes.

Kim [: 00:17:19

Thank goodness. Right? Okay. Yeah.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:17:23

Yeah. It's very unheard of. I don't know anybody else that was able to finesse that in a way, but, yes.

Kim [: 00:17:31

Yeah. And what would you say were, like, the lasting impacts of being in the marines?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:17:37

I think the honor, courage, and commitment that was instilled in me from boot camp was one of those things that stuck with me up until now and forever. So I would have to say those were one of the things. I was an NCO. I was a corporal, so I had a lot of responsibility. I lived in the barracks, so I feel like I had a lot of experience with the troops and, like, trying to find my leadership style. I felt like I had a really good experience and a really good time, like, figuring all that out and just showing up for my troops as best as I could.

Kim [: 00:18:19

Yeah. I have to say the military does do a good job of, like, teaching you lifelong skills and knowledge that you can apply moving forward.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:18:27

Yes. I agree.

Kim [: 00:18:29

Yep. And which leads into your advocacy work.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:18:32

Yes.

Kim [: 00:18:33

So let's talk about the Road Home program because this sounds like an amazing program. 1, did your experience in the military gravitate you towards this kind of work with your own PTS?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:18:48

Yes and no. I actually didn't know what I wanted to study until I started going to college. I was going to community college to get my gen ads out the way, which is the smart thing to do. I recommend it for everyone if you're listening. I took a intro to sociology class, and that sociological perspective allowed me to understand why I was having such a hard time with transitioning out of military, also understanding human sexuality, understanding myself. So I really do thank the professors that I had at Waubonsee Community College, like professor Westman, Kathy Westman. She's still teaching, but not there. She's somewhere else now.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:19:37

And then another professor of mine that passed away a couple years ago, he was an anthropology and a sociology professor, Paul Olsen. So those two people really helped me a lot. A lot.

Kim [: 00:19:49

Yeah. Well, let's talk about transitioning out of the military. What did you learn during that sociology course?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:19:58

Yeah. It gave me like a better understanding using that sociological perspective that like, you know, there's a higher powers, higher things above me that are kind of controlling different things, whether it's the government, Department of Defense, the VA, like, the medical field, you know, mental health also, and that all those things are there's an intersectionality there that there's something that meets. And with my lived experience, I feel like I saw a lot of recurring things, and I saw a lot of examples where it just stood out to me. Like, coming from, like, a Mexicana, Mexican American, being queer, being a veteran, like, I saw, like, how all those identities were kind of intersecting and how everything was kind of connected. So it gave me a better understanding.

Kim [: 00:20:52

I'm so happy to hear that because you did just like you listed off. You had a lot of obstacles and it's very confusing when you're younger and you don't understand, but then you were able to, like, intertwine it altogether and you seem like you are in a very healthy spot. 1, you just sound healthy the way you're speaking and showing up and wanting to tell your story. But 2, being part of this program, that 1, I'm sure helped you along the way, and 2, is helping lots of veterans and their families. So, yeah, why don't you give us an idea of what this program is?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:21:31

Yeah. For sure. So when I graduated from UIC, I started to get help through Headstrong. And I had a counselor through there for, like, the last 4 or 5 years. And she told me about how The Road Home was hiring. They were hiring for an outreach coordinator.

Kim [: 00:21:53

Can you just tell us what Headstrong is for the viewers that may not know?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:21:58

So Headstrong is an organization. It's free. They pay for for you to get therapy over the phone or in person. And so they gather some information about you to to find you a clinician that's gonna be a good fit for you. And then all of this is at no cost.

Kim [: 00:22:17

Is this just for military or is this civilians as well?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:22:21

1st responders and military, and they also help family as well. But yeah.

Kim [: 00:22:27

Okay. Thank you for the clarity.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:22:29

Yeah. For sure. So I heard about the job. I applied, and I I've been here for it'll be 3 years in April. But what mainly, what we do here at the World Home Program is we offer free mental health care to anyone that has served. We're a nonprofit, and it's all outpatient mental health care to be exact. We serve veterans, service members, and families at no cost. And we use evidence based treatments to help folks that are struggling with PTSD, military sexual trauma, and also symptoms such as depression and anxiety, which are the big ones.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:23:08

Isolation too is another one. You know?

Kim [: 00:23:10

Yeah.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:23:10

So we definitely help them out if they're struggling with any of those. And, the youth the thing that makes us very unique is that we have results that are really immediate. There's symptom reduction, and it's long term. So the way that we're doing this is because we're squeezing 6 months of therapy into a 2 week model. The way that we're doing that is that we offer either cognitive processing therapy or DBT skills or unified protocol, depending on where they fall.

Kim [: 00:23:44

Yeah. So they have to go through a questionnaire. Right? They fill will they fill out a questionnaire so you can find out their where they best can be placed?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:23:53

Yeah. For sure. That's a really good question. So what we do when they're try when they're going through the process is that they're gonna put in that referral. They could do it over the phone or on our website at the road home program dot org. And then this process usually takes about, like, 60 to 90 days because it depends on their logistical needs of the client or also the on our end on fulfilling our upcoming cohorts, like, filling them up. And it depending on, like, where we're at with those. So once they make contact with us during the referral process, it will take our intake folks about 48 to 72 hours to get back to them.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:24:32

And then during the intake, they'll complete some documentation. They'll do 2 interviews and a questionnaire. And then a patient care representative will request to speak with a referring provider if they have one. If they don't, that's okay. So we can get their medical records and find out where they're at also with insurance if they have it. If they don't have it, that's fine. It's not required, but it's an option. And so once we get all that squared away, they'll have a start date.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:25:02

We'll confirm it, and then our staff will support them with reducing any of the barriers they have. So we pay for travel. We pay for airfare. They could take a train if they want. They can drive if they want.

Kim [: 00:25:16

Oh, so this is in person? Mhmm. A 2 week in person.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:25:20

Yeah. We take care of all the travel. It's worry free. They just gotta let us know what do they prefer. Some people don't wanna fly. That's cool. They don't have to explain. We'll be like, well, you got options.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:25:30

You wanna take a bus? Do you wanna take a train to us? Do you wanna drive? You can do that too, and we'll pay for their per, the whole travel. They just gotta, you know, keep those receipts, and then we'll we'll reimburse them. But it's all worry free travel. We take care of their booking their flights and all that. We coordinate and pay for everything. And then we take care of their lodging. They stay at the Illinois Medical District. They have a guest house there, and it's not far from where they're getting services during the week.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:26:00

It's like a 0.5 miles from where they're staying to the facility. And we have the means of, like, shuttling back and forth if they want, but, also, another thing that they could do is walk. Because to be honest with you, I've noticed this. There are times where they're working on some really difficult things, and they just wanna decompress, and they'll be like, I need a walk. I'm gonna walk back to my room. And that's fine, you know, especially if it's really nice out. You get that walk in, get your steps in. But if they wanna take the bus, it's always there.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:26:35

The shuttle's always there on time to to take them back and forth. But I do notice that sometimes after, like, a long day, sometimes they wanna walk back to the guest house. So

Kim [: 00:26:45

Well, nature is therapy. Movement is therapy. And, Ale, I have a question for you. You spoke about cohorts. Do you have separate cohorts, like, for males and females or are they all combined?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:27:00

A lot of people are wondering, like, what is that like? They are coed, but if you prefer an all female or an all male cohort, we can make that happen. They just need to communicate that to us in the very beginning. So that way we can coordinate and find out, like, which one can we put them in where it's all female and all male. Logistically, put all those pieces together and yes, we can make it happen. They just got to tell us that from the beginning.

Kim [: 00:27:26

Yeah. And how often is this program run?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:27:30

Every 2 weeks.

Kim [: 00:27:31

Woah, every 2 that's a lot for you and your staff.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:27:37

It is. However, we do take some breaks. Like, the next break we have is going to be next week. For 1 week, we're gonna be off because I think it's MLK's birthday. Yeah. I'm always I'm forgetting already what day we're on.

Kim [: 00:27:50

That's okay. Yeah. I know. Right? So for staff, because you run them every 2 weeks, how do you all decompress? Because you take on absorb a lot of that energy.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:28:02

Yeah. A lot of us have hobbies. We take time off. We exercise, read. I know some people are really big into, like, cooking and baking, so they channel a lot of their energy through that as well. Personally, I climb, like, bouldering and top rope climbing. And then I do hot Pilates right now in the winter because it's very cold right now here in Chicago. So I do hot Pilates, and that's helped a lot with core strength.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:28:37

So that's where I get to channel a lot of my what I'm feeling and the things that I'm carrying and how I can take care of myself is through that. Oh, I can't forget mindfulness. I've been meditating now for the last and it's been 5 years. I've been meditating now for the last 5 years. I use the Calm app. I love it. It's great. It keeps me accountable.

Kim [: 00:28:59

Yeah. And you meditate every day?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:29:01

Every night.

Kim [: 00:29:02

Oh, every night. Okay. What's the duration of your meditation?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:29:07

20 minutes. 20 minutes is pretty good for me.

Kim [: 00:29:10

Yeah. Do you tend to notice that you get better sleep right before you go to sleep, meditate before you go to bed?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:29:18

Yeah. I noticed that, and I also noticed that I need to keep a routine going. Anytime that I break my routine, it's a little harder to get back into it, but routine helps me a lot.

Kim [: 00:29:29

Yeah. I feel like our minds and bodies rely on that. Because once you break it, they're like, wait a second. Now we have to adjust to something else. And so that takes, what, 30 days to build a habit, and let's just it's just easier to stay on track, isn't it?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:29:45

Yeah. Yeah. It is. It really is. But sometimes, like, with the holidays or I travel for work a lot to get the word out, and that's where it gets a little difficult, but I got I think I got a good handle on it now.

Kim [: 00:30:01

Okay. I was gonna say how because you're you're absolutely correct. When you, like, have to travel so much and you're not in that environment, how do you create that environment so you continue to stay calm and safe?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:30:16

Yeah. Another thing that helps me with that is I talked to my therapist. I'm starting to reduce the frequency because I feel like I've accomplished a lot with her. So, like, I meet with her now, like, every 2 weeks, but then I just touch base and see where I'm at. Just honestly maintaining that balance, just being mindful and listening to my body and what it needs, that's what helps me. Like, if I need more sleep, take that nap. Or another thing that I've actually been doing is cold plunging and the sauna. That stuff's really good.

Kim [: 00:30:52

Yeah.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:30:53

That stuff's really good, especially for my knees because my knees are pretty messed up. So and my back. So that really helps immensely.

Kim [: 00:31:02

I believe in that too, that contrast therapy. Even though some days because we are in Bend, Oregon, so we'll go right into the river here. So some days, it's really tough, especially at, like, 22 degrees. However, it feels amazing afterwards. It feels amazing, especially when you could add that heat component.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:31:25

Yes.

Kim [: 00:31:26

Well, I'm super proud of you because all the obstacles that you've had to overcome, a lot of people would just go to distractions and addictions. And you chose a different path, and you've really learned about who you are and what you are and the universe, and how all that intermingles. And I love that you just listen to your body. You trust yourself enough that you follow your path and really tap into who you are and what feels good for you. So I'm super proud of you for that.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:32:00

Thank you. There are a few challenges that I've had after getting out, I don't know if I wanna, like, air them, but I mean That's okay. I've been in trouble. Let's just say I've been in trouble. Putting for, like, some really petty, like, offenses that are not even a big deal anymore. It was, like, a marijuana possession. Like, it was very difficult when I first got out. Like, I'm pretty sure it drove my mom crazy.

Kim [: 00:32:26

Well, you're human, but you chose a different path.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:32:29

Definitely.

Kim [: 00:32:30

You chose the path to stay true to who you are. Yes. And so with that, I just wanna ask you our closing question. What would you tell military women who are in now or thinking of joining? What advice would you give them?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:32:47

To stay true to yourself and that you are not alone. There are so many organizations out there that can help you. It's just a matter of getting in where you fit in in a way. Like, you just have to find your community. And there's so many people out there that have that have served our nation, that come from different walks of life, that love to give back. And, you know, they're out there. You just have to just ask and you shall receive in a way. Like, you just never know what's gonna be out there until you start looking and go out there with the curious, like, not I wanted to say mindset, but just kinda be, like, really like a detective.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:33:26

Like, go out there and kinda, like, do your work and try to find out, like, what is it that I'm looking for? What's gonna be good for me? What's gonna fill my cup? Because we need to take care of ourselves, especially if they're actively serving. It takes a lot out of you. So we really do need to make sure that we're taking care of ourselves.

Kim [: 00:33:45

That's such good advice. I agree with you. And community is key.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:33:49

Yes.

Kim [: 00:33:50

Right? So finding that community is huge.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:33:53

Yes. Oh, I was just gonna say it can get hard sometimes depending on, like, where you're stationed at, but you can create that community. So don't feel like you need to wait for anybody to do it. Oh. If you feel like you can give your time, you'd be surprised how how many other people are gonna see that and are gonna wanna join you and be like, you know what? I like what you're doing. I'm gonna follow suit. Let's form that kind of community and and be here for one another.

Kim [: 00:34:21

I love that. I absolutely do because you're correct. You you don't know the power you have inside of you until you unleash it and how many people you are going to inspire because you stay true to who you are. It's amazing. Isn't it?

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:34:36

Yes.

Kim [: 00:34:37

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being on Dog Tag Diaries.

Alejandra Hernandez [: 00:34:41

Thank you for adding me.

Kim [: 00:34:45

Thank you for tuning in to Dog Tag Diaries. We appreciate your willingness to listen and engage with these stories as we understand the challenge that comes with sharing and hearing them. Your support in witnessing the experience of our military women is invaluable. These stories are meant to inspire and provide meaning, and we hope they can help you find your own voice as well.

Dakota [: 00:35:09

If you or anyone you know are in need of immediate help, call the crisis line by dialing 988, then press 1. There are resources available to help and provide guidance during difficult times. Please visit our website www.reveilletandretreatproject.org to learn more about the Reveille Retreat Project, including upcoming retreats for military women and resources. The link is in the show notes. We'll be here again next Wednesday. Keep finding the hope, the healing, and the power in community.